BAD DADDY AND THE PSYCHIC

I went to the local psychic, and what did she say?

She said to move my family, far across the bay,

I did just what she said,

My family has fled,

Then I moved in with the psychic, and that's where I stay.

DENNY AND THE CHAMBER POT SAGA

Denny had a chamber pot, made of porcelain as white as snow,

Every place  that porcelain pot sat,  Denny was sure to go,

When the bedroom chambers smelled of rot

A maid would empty the porcelain pot,

Then Denny would fill it up again, when Denny felt the flow.

I WENT TO SUGAR HIGH, ON HALLOWEEN

It lasted only a day and a night, late, last October,

It was all Halloween, and I dressed like my dog named, Rover,

On my tv screen,

Jason chased a teen,

Today I came off my super, sugar high, and

 I'm sober.

THE CHAIR AND TABLE LIMERICK

By my dining table, I have a chair for my seat,

On top of the dining table, I nothing to eat,

Where I bought my table and chair,

I spent all of my money there,

I do have a soda pop, so at least I'll have a treat

American Cuisine, On The Road

I went out to scrape pavement, because I was hungry for sup,

Didn't know if the critter was a weasel, or someone's stray pup,

Too small for a bear,

Really, did not care,

Figured it would taste good mixed with noodles, and served in a cup.

THE CHOIR WITH THE BIG BANG

Benny sang soloist in a choir gang,

Benny ate too many beans, before he sang,

As Benny's britches rang and rang,

The choir master said, "Oh, dang",

Benny's solo ended, with a great big "Bang!".

VOODOO REVENGE

I made a voodoo doll for the man on Sucker St.

He sold me a can of tainted, pickled piggy feet,

My family was up all night,

Getting toilet time was very tight,

I stuck six pins into my foe, in the bad guy's feet.

THAT WICKED WITCH CAST A SPELL ON ME

My meanie wife was a little witch, and a little witch she was,

She cast spells on everyone, and her reason was just because,

She turned my kinfolk into toads,

They all got run over, on the roads,

Just because I crashed the car last last night, she siced on me the fuzz.

EASY PEASY ROCKET SCIENCE

I'm locked in on taking a college, online test,

It's on rocket science, where my brain works the best,

I know the formulas for down and up,

I'll be done with the test, before I sup,

Then, I will play Mario, and lock in some rest.

THE HAUNTING IN MY CHAMBERS

I went into my bedroom chambers to nab me some sleep,

I would have done that, except for the visiting ghost creep,

He just once, shouted "Peek A Boo!"

One fly swatter swat, he be through,

The rest of the night, a sulky silence the ghost would keep

The Sunfish And My Eye

There was this little sunfish, I tried to deep fat fry,

Then a grease spatter popped, taking out my one good eye,

In my bad eye I see fizzy,

Many bubbles that are busy,

The ambulance picked me up, and I went bye, bye, bye.

ICONIC WHISKERS

I had summer sausage for my dinny, din, din,

Much greased dripped down onto my fat chinny, chin chin,

Mixing with pieces of cheese,

It drew mice, rats and sand fleas,

I cleansed myself in a poisoned binny, bin, bin.

PUTREFIED PUMPKIN

After Halloween, my Halloween, cut pumpkin made me cry,

I was emotionally trashed, as I watched him rot and die,

So I fed him to the yard birds,

And, other backyard critter herds,

I watched them chew his face away, and I waved to him, bye, bye.

Putrify

I SKIPPED

I fell toward the wood floor when I slipped,

My shirt caught on a nail and it ripped,

My landing was hard,

It caught me off guard,

So, the rest of my day I just skipped

FRESH FISH STEW FROM THE LAKE OF BLUE

The little creature floating in my stew,

I caught in the lake that was colored blue,

I bopped his head, so he would not come to,

If he did, this day he would come to rue,

He smelled like a fish, and tasted like poo.

THE BALLAD OF UNHAPPY TOM

It got so extremely cold,

Tom's toenails stopped growing mold,

Tom's nose went runny,

Girls found that funny,

Tom stayed alone and grew old.

LITTLE PLANE IN THE ZOO TREE

I took a trip to old Kalamazoo,

I got on a little plane, so I flew,

We got stuck in a tree,

The small plane, crew and me,

I jumped to the ground; got all black and blue.

WARNING: DON'T TOUCH A DOWN ELECTRICAL WIRE WITH A RAKE

I rolled up my very long sleeves,

When I went out to rake some leaves,

Raked up under a pine,

A down electric line,

At my funeral, the wife grieves.  

Today is known as November One,

It's real cold, and there ain't much for sun,

In the pie pumpkin patch,

Pumpkins ready to hatch,

I'll freeze their guts, then the patch is done.

CHAMBER OF THE LOST SOULS

I keep a large chamber full of tormented, lost souls,

Brought to me by the little, cemetery ground moles,

Many departed are crying,

They are not peacefully lying,

Mocking their sadness, is one of my favorite trolls.

STEVE AND THE FIRE DEMON

There once was a big dragon, named Steve,

He ate witches on All Hallows Eve,

He ate a demon called Zeaming

Now Steve's ears are both steaming,

And his breath burns each town, do th he leave.

THE END OF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME

Well, today we've gained an extra hour,

That gives us time for all to shower,

So, relaxed starts the day,

Cause, Daylight Savings Time's gone away,

And, the extra sleep gives us each super power.

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UNCLE JOE'S RETREAT

Poor, old Uncle Joe could never find romance,

Joe became an expatriate, to South France,

All the day long,

He'd hum his song,

At night there was karaoke, before the dance.

FIST BUMPS AND FANGS

There was a little werewolf in the tree,

The werewolf sat there waiting, just for me,

He growled and showed he was grumpy,

So I gave him a fist bumpy,

He toothy smiled, and howled brilliantly. 

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HEART FAILURE AND THE KNIFE

There once was an iconic, little blogger who could,

He often made videos about carving craft wood,

Then he'd slice up some ham,

And fry it with lite Spam,

Until his arteries got all clogged, under the hood.

THE NAUGHTY CUTIE CAT

I played with his new sneakers, and his sneakers were blue,

I chewed on his iconic socks, and they were blue too,

I'm the cutie cat, named Fred,

Thinking, I'll pee in his bed,

But I'm afraid I'll get caged-up, like the cat at the zoo.

MEME CREATOR

I created a sweet meme to see if it could gain traction,

Unfortunately, my new meme got no reaction,

It was a silly meme,

It was sort of extreme,

It's unpopular repeats, caused me dissatisfaction.

JOY RIDDING A REINDEER TO TEXAS

I rode on a magic reindeer in the velvet sky,

I stole the deer from Santa, at the North Pole Fish Fry,

I rode the reindeer all night,

Until I saw the bright light,

Then we touched down in Texas, where the rattlesnakes lie.

THE PAN HANDLER

The guy was away handling pots and pans,

He was the cook on a ship named, The Hans,

When the ship sunk down,

That cook guy did drown,

Trying to save a case of tuna cans.

THE GEEK WHO WENT TO CREEK

In the Michigan city, called Battle Creek,

I went to a thrift store and bought an antique,

A cute porcelain bear,

With ginger colored hair,

When I took it home, my kids called me a geek.

RED CLAY TEETH

Jimmy got locked into flossing, and flossed his front teeth every day,

Jimmy thought flossing was iconic, but he lost his teeth anyway,

When Jimmy got the bad teeth news,

He walked back home in his deck shoes,

Then Jimmy quit his bad news dentist, and made some new teeth from red clay.

RASPBERRIES IN HEAVEN

My overgrown, deep reddish, raspberry vine,

Dug its sticky prickers, deep into my spine,

They stuck me so deep,

They bled me to sleep,

I now pick berries with the angels, divine. 

THE SECRETS OF FABULOUS RANDY

Mr. Randy had a tailor too,

And a man who cut and stitched each shoe,

Dear, old Mrs. Fox,

Knitted Randy's socks,

His coat came from a cow that went "moo".

DESTINATION SEATTLE

Yesterday, I rode upon the air in a big, old airplane,

A Seattle destination, was my one goal, to obtain,

The dang, old plane hit some torque,

We diverted to New York,

I felt anger and confusion, and it exploded my brain.

SCREAM PARK

In the small town of Mancelona, there was a dream,

To build a family fun park with an outdoor theme,

The theme chosen was bears,

But it gave all the kids, scares,

Instead of a fun park, it was the park of the scream.

TIGER, TIGER, FATTY MEAT

I dream all day long of pickled pigs feet,

It's the only food for super I'll eat,

I chew on the thick pig fat,

Thinking I'm one tiger cat,

Gnawing from the bones the fat and the meat.

PODCASTING DULL

Alden did a Tuesday podcast on making a nice, lemon tea,

He thought he would get a million watchers, but all he got was me,

I had to scoff,

I turned it off,

In comments, I said to make better tea, add honey from a bee.

DAY OF THE FARM

After the farm hay, I put away,🚜🌄

An October rainbow made my day,🌈

I picked my pumpkin patch,🎃

It was a record batch,💲

Some bugs ate my beans, I'll make them pay.🐛🐜😡

THE GROCERY CART IN THE VELVET SKY

I painted a picture on velvet, and I call it art,

It's a painting of the constellation called "Grocery Cart",

Everyone can see,

It's a stellar mystery,

For the stars in the constellation are galaxies apart.

SAMMY SEE SAW VICTORY

There was a politician, and his name was Sammy See,

He stated he'd do anything to get my vote from me,

I said I wanted pickles in a jar,

Left on the back seat of my car,

I got my jarred pickles, and Sammy won his victory.

MARY HAD TWO PAIRS OF SOCKS

Mary had just two pairs of socks, she bleached them white as snow,

Everywhere that Mary went, one pair was sure to go,

Mary bloodied up her best pair of socks,

When she tripped over a pile of rocks,

A permanent stain; Mary bought a new pair with her doe.

DENNY FELL DOWN FROM A COCONUT TREE

Big Denny fell down out of a coconut tree,

Then got buried by tree nuts, and stung by a bee,

Some runny coconut milk,

Stained Denny's  shirt, made of silk,

The bee stung Denny's eyeballs, now Denny can't see.

TED TAMED THE SHREW

My doggy ate my goldfish, and my doggy at a little shrew,

My doggy ate my new tennis shoes, because that's what doggies do?

My doggy is named Ted,

He's not right in the head,

He ripped up daddy's favorite chair, and peed on my mommy's bed.

THE WEEPING AND THE SAW

There is a tree called weeping willow, and one was weeping in the street,

It weeped upon my brand new shoes, and got wet my stockings and my feet,

I went and got my grandpa,

We came back with a chainsaw,

Grandpa cut the willow up, and gave termites a home, with lots to eat.

SIX WOODEN PEARS (A Michigan Adventure Story)

I went to a flea market in Saginaw Michigan, to buy me some wooden pears,

They had wooden pears in all colors and sizes, sorted in baskets on folding chairs,

I bought extra large pears; two green and four yellow,

I paid a pleasant man; he was a good fellow,

I took my six pears back home to Flint Michigan, but I do not think anyone cares.

GOLDFISH RHONDA ADVENTURES

Goldfish Rhonda, walked on her tale, out of the sea,

She brought me gold, so I could wear bling and watch tv,

I made buttered popcorn,

She hung around till morn,

Then Goldfish Rhonda, took a cab to Manistee.

Now That I've Got Locked In, I Can Smell My Din, Din

My term paper is due and I must get locked in,

If I don't get locked in my grade is in the bin,

My caffeine coffee is strong,

Like my chocolate Ding Dong,

If I get locked in now, I'll be done by din, din.

THE AIR SHOW DRAGON

My pet red dragon Frederick, has four wings,

They are great for doing acrobatic things,

He can swirl in a turn,

With a fire breathing burn,

Then at the end of his big air show, he sings.

WHY I WAS TENTED BY THE ER

I ate way too much, so I thought it caused me to be sick,

Then I remembered, I swallowed a pointy, thin toothpick,

To the ER I was sent,

Stayed in an oxygen tent,

I found a tv remote for my fingers to click.

SCHOOL FLUNKED, PENSION PUNKED

I failed all my finals and flunked out of college school,

I went to work for my uncle, who does dye and tool,

In my 40th year,

Claimed my pension, oh dear,

Seems my uncle had spent it on parties and a pool.

SELLING THE DILLED ON THE HILLED

I was gonna do up some sour pickles that are dilled,

I was gonna sell um, up by the highway, where it's hilled,

Then I found my dill was full of worms,

With that, I finally come to terms,

I still used the dill, and the quality, each sale confirms.

TED MEWING HIS JAW

Down in the new shopping mall,Ted was mewing on display,

Showing off his big jaw bone size, throughout the live long  day,

Before Ted headed home,

His mewing lips spewed foam,

Afterwards when people saw Ted, they fled quickly away.

AI CLOWN KITE HAS MOVES

My kite has captured the eyes of the town,

My kite has the face of a circus clown,

My kite is controlled by AI,

It twists and turns sharp on the fly,

It dives to crash, then turns sharp up, from down.

MY PARTY, THE ENEMY AND I FLEE

In a small cave I threw a nice party,

Then shows up, my worst enemy, Marty,

Marty drinks our mixed juice,

Then mean Marty lets loose,

Driving us from the cave with his farty.

THE POTATO SUPER EIGHT

There were once eight garden heroes, called The Potato Super Eight,

They protected the vegetable garden, and they were first rate,

They chased off the worms and bugs,

The raccoons, gophers and slugs,

They were eight handsome, perfect spuds, all the green beans wanted to date.

BLUE JAY OLYMPIANS.

Several blue jays set on my laundry line and made a swing,

They swung one at a time like it was a competitive thing,

Each swung high for a while,

Then competed on style,

For a participation award; a worm from the leaf pile.

MEALING WITH TOM

Tom's black eyed peas tasted delicious with butter and salt,

Tom ate too much, so he puked, which caused his eating to halt,

Tom then gulped some tangy drink,

It was lemonade, made pink,

Tom thought through deserts he knew, and picked a chocolate malt.

THE BOUNTY BAIL BLUES

The bounty hunter caught me, he was hot on my trail,

He told me that I must pay the bill on my huge bail,

As robber of my hood,

I will pay, as I should,

When my debt is being paid, that means I'm in a jail.

I HAVE NO RENT HOUSING

Nitty Gritty had no pity,

He owned the slums in the city,

The rent was high,

I said bye, bye,

My new box is itty, bitty.

THE MEME OF FEAR

I lived during the great, strange time of the memes,

Some were silly and funny, others caused screams,

But I am not going there,

I fear the meme of the bear,

With his knife like claws, cutting open my seams.