LITTLE THIEF EDGAR

Little thief Edgar stole things starting with the letter "T"

Be it a trinket, trombone, tether ball or TV,

The item's value he didn't care,

He stole for the dare,

But thieving led him to profitability.
 

IF I TAKE THE BAIT, WHAT THEN MY FATE

Out in the road a $100 bill has laid, waiting for some quick feet,

I'd like to go and grab it, but I'm sure a policeman I will meet,

They are always watching me,

And set traps consistently, 

Then for $100 dollars, I'll stay at the county lockup retreat.

A MARTIAN STOLE MY GRANDFATHER CLOCK

A martian stole my grandfather clock,

He came all this way and didn't have a tick-tock,

It is quite original,

Martian time isn't digital,

Still, may the thief crash his ship on a rock.

THE GNOME RIND AND DINED

I went deep into the forest and what the heck did I find?

A fat little gnome chewing on a watermelon rind,

The watermelon was of course stolen,

But it was already in the gnome's colon,

I ordered him to pay for it, but the gnome, he declined.

LOST IN AMERICA

Larry was so upset, because he could not find his home,

He pulled each hair from his head, creating a big, bald dome,

Larry finally found a map,

And from an old man, stole a cap,

Then Larry realized, he was in Alaska, outside of Nome. 

WARNING! U-235 IS NOT FOR WOODSTOVES

I knew my old woodstove would need fuel, if I were to survive,

So I stole fuel from the nuke plant where I work, some uranium--235,

As I was getting very sick,

I threw it in my woodstove, quick

When my eyeballs both leaked out, I knew I was likely not alive.

While Fungal Harvesting, Watch Out For Your Shoes

Whilst I cleaned fungus, from between my toes, at Lou's,

An alien from mars, stole my brand new blue/pink shoes,

That Martian, done a real bad,

I squeezed him hard, he got sad,

Now he's just a puddle of runny Martian ooze. 

POACHED EGGS WITH LEGS

Dave went out into the woods to poach his self some eggs,

The eggs had baby chicks within, complete with little legs,

That made Dave feel really sad inside,

So, in his hankie he cried and cried,

Dave now steals from chicken coups, when caught, his life he begs.

DONNY SEEKS JOY BY EVIL DEEDS

Donny wanted all the toys,

So, he bullied all the girls and boys,

And, if a kid said no deal,

Donny simply would steal

Evil deeds were Donny's great joys.