THE HOOD OF HORRORS

I had been in the hospital, in stroke recovery, healing my dome,

Then, into the neighborhood of horrors, I moved to a quiet, new home,

There were no real humans there,

Just demons, everywhere,

They're always trying to get in at night, working crowbars, while drooling foam.

YOUR FOOD TASTES GREAT, I AGREE, BUT IT OUGHT TO BE FREE

I came from another universe that was far away

J love the taste of your bacon, that is why here, I stay,

I love your hot chicken wings,

And, your other hot, saucy things,

Great food, but wherever I go, someone insists I pay. 

MY FAIRY FAYE TALE

I went down to Alabama, to meet my Fairy Faye,

She was so dog gone pretty that I married her in May

She had a dog named Quincy Cones, his thoughts were rather dark,

He would much rather bite you first, before he'd bark, bark, bark, bark,bark,

Fairy Faye had a mommy, her daddy was long dead,

But, he would often haunt her, that's why she wet to bed,

Dead daddy played the fiddle, in life that was his thing,

In death he plays the fiddle, while demons dance and sometimes sing,

Fairy Faye and I grew old,

We had no babies, no kids hold,

Fairy Faye died, and I buried her bones,

Beside her ma, and pa and Quincy Cones.

THE WEREWOLF WITH THE HAIRY PALMS

 Handsome Jimmy woke up, and both of his long, soft palms were all hairy,

It was the night of the werewolf, when by moon light, Jimmy turns scary,

He howled at the full moon,

Knew he'd be dining soon,

Jimmy had to pick from his three best friends, Marry, Carrie or Larry.

THE LIFESTYLES OF THE WORKING POOR

My kid got a cheap kite for May Day, I can't afford a drone,

Money is really tight, I can barely afford a cell phone,

These are real bad, economic days,

There are lots of jobs, but nothing pays,

If the kids don't get jobs after school, we'll all be skin and bone.

IT'S LATE STAGE CAPITALISM, FOR ME

I was competing with the restaurant, located across the road,

Their specialty was deep fat fried crawdads, my specialty was raw toad,

The crawdad restaurant got a five star,⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I lost my my home, restaurant and car

I'm squatting in a dumpster, until they dump it with Wednesday's load.

PLAIN FISH OR FISH DIPPED

I went out to sea in a little, tiny, sailboat ship,

I made friends with a nice, chatty dolphin, his name was Flip,

We always ate fresh fish,

From the same plastic dish,

The dolphin ate his plain, but I preferred an onion dip.

THE CLOWN WITH GINGIVITIS

The happy fat clown had gingivitis,
His smile could no longer delight us,
He was fired today,
Given no severance pay,
On the way out, he tried to bite us.

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MY LITTLE RED BARN IS NO MORE LIMERICK

My little red barn is no more,
The snow on the roof pushed the roof to the floor,
And, as for my cows,
They suffered ouches and oughs,
But, their safe though their homeless and poor.

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CURSE OF THE FLY

I am a big, fat, ugly house fly, I fly around inside your house,

I spread many infectious diseases, between you, your kids and spouse,

I spread diarrhea and the itch,

And, brain diseases that make you twitch,

You wouldn't believe the stuff I spread, from that dead critter you found, called mouse.

I BUILT A CABIN IN A SWAMP

I built a cabin in a swamp,
So, I'd have a place to romp,
I love all the snakes and the bugs,
With them I kisses and hugs,
But, on the lizards I like to stomp.

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OYSTERS OR CLAMS, LIONS OR RAMS

Randy went to a restaurant, but did not know if he liked oysters or clams,

Randy ordered both, ate half of each, then bagged the rest to take to best bud, Sam's,

Randy had been very confused that day,

His rabbit and gerbil had run away,

Randy could not pick which football team to bet on; choice was Lions or the Rams.

DUMPSTER DIVING FOR FOOD? I EAT IN THE BAR

I walked into a bar serving free, salty popcorn, but nothing else to eat,

The free popcorn was served to all embalmed patrons, so they could drive down the street,

I didn't buy a single drink,

But, I acted drunk as stink,

Nice dinner; the salty popcorn tasted much better than any dumpster meat.

LIVE AT THE COUNTRY OF THE BLIND BAR, GRILL & TAKE-OUT

I went to the "Country of the Blind," where the one-eyed man, he sings,

But, he didn't sing for nothing, and you had to pay with blings,

So, all my golden jewelry including my piercings and my rings,

I gladly turned it over, and the one-eyed man sings things,

The one eyed-man sings country western, while on tiny bells he dings,

Lastly, the one -eyed man walked off stage, and on his bag of gold, he clings.

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THE FOOD POISONING LIMERICK

My jar of pickles was suspiciously fizzy,
I ate just one pickle and became really dizzy,
I became violently ill, 
From that pickle with dill,
And, made the emergency room awfully busy. 

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BUBBA GOT SPELLED

Big Bubba lives down by the foaming sea,

He is a nephew to my bro and me,

Bubba loves beer and chicken,

His girlfriend is Wiccan,

She spelled him, now he only drinks tea.

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THE ARTIST WITH MOOD

Hannibal came from Hamtramck,
His paintings are moody, dynamic,
He's been spray painting clowns,
All angry with frowns,
He stopped taking his meds now he's manic.

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CRUSHED DREAMS OF THE CELLIST

My cello was run over by a sports car,

It's destroyed, now I won't be a cellist star,

I thought it wouldn't get injured,

So it was never insured,

I went from concerts, to tending a dive bar.

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QUANTUM TUNNELING: POOR HARRY

When quantum tunneling, we take pride,

Through solid walls, like magic, we slide,

Except Harry; he got stuck; he died,

What we could retrieve, we did not hide,

It was closed casket, for what was inside.

SAGA OF THE NINETY-NINE MINNOWS

Ninety-nine minnows swam way out to sea,
Then along came a shark, and then there were three,
Out of those ninety-nine minnows, three swam back toward the shore,
Then, along came a bass, and he ate one more,
The last two little minnows decided to date,
They made ninety-nine minnows, and I caught them for

 bait. 

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MOMMY AND DADDY: BAD GRACES

I foolishly told mama she was looking grandma, old,

She ratted me out to daddy, who gave  me a daddy scold,

That put small puddles in both my eyes,

So, a make up plan, I did devise,

I claimed I had a bad disease, a wheeze and sniffles cold.

TWO MILLION DOLLARS: TWO CLOCKS AND ONE DOG

I painted a picture of two old clocks and one dog,

It was quite a bit off, because I had too much grog,

In fact, the dog looked like ma,

The clocks like pa and grandpa,

It sold for two million, I call the painting, "Grog Fog".

SOMETIMES OYSTERS, SOMETIMES CLAMS

Freem likes to make his choices; sometimes Freem likes oysters; sometimes Freem likes clams,

Every Friday there's a yummy seafood party, at The House Of Sam's,

Sam's is an eatery treat,

They have shellfish, no red meat,

For the big, rare, red meats, crossover the street to the nightclub called Bam Bam's.