ELFIN 👹

Whimper, whimper in the night,

I'm whimpering because of fright,

There are beastly elves,

Sitting on my shelves,

I'm on their menu, tonight.😱

IN THE KINGDOM OF THE BERRIES, THE TOILET STOOL IS KING

Berries make most people happy,

They turn fossilized bowels into bowels so sappy,

And, although it's not fair

When TP is rare,

In their bathrooms consumers feel trappy.

I ONCE CAUGHT A BIG CRAPPIE

I once caught a great big crappie,
'He tangled my line up in a wrappie,
When I untangled him at last,
He knew his time was past,
I  fried him in grease and was happy.

MAD AT POTATO SALAD

My potato salad made people so sad,
I used mayonnaise that had gone really bad,
The eggs were well boiled,
But, had sat out and got spoiled,
Now, everyone who ate it is mad.

EPITAPH OF THE PLASTIC FACE RACE

There once was a planet, way out in space,

They loved their plastics, even put them in their face,

But plastic poisons the inside,

All life died, planet wide, 

That's how it ended, for the human race.

MY WEEKEND AT THE BIRDBATH

I'm so glad this week is all done,

On the weekend, I'll have plenty of fun,

I'll get lots of fancy dips,

And dip slowly my fancy chips,

While I sit by the bird pool, in the sun.

FISH FOOD, DINNER IS SERVED

I was having a yacht party,

But my boat, it sank at sea,

My guests got mad at me,

They got all wet, and gee,

The sharks came and we...

I TIME TRAVELED OFF TO A NICER PLACE

I time traveled off to a nicer place,
In my 1974 Matador Sedan,
There was no pressure; there was no rat race,
You just took life as you could and can,

I time traveled off to a nicer place,
But, alas I could not stay,
For reality like my sedan has no brakes,
To stop I’ll cross my fingers and pray.

ERIC LIKED TO WALK IN THE DITCH

Eric liked to walk in the ditch,
But the ditch-water made Eric's feet itch,
And, in between Eric's toes,
Where the stink-mushroom grows,
A bloodsucker feels that he's found his niche.

MARY WAITS FOR THE MAN WITH THE LITTLE FEET

Jim had such little feet,
They barely got him down the street,
So, he would tarry,
Behind his wife Mary,
Who, waited hours for Jim to meet.

PRISCILLA THE FISH FOUND HER LIFE MATE

Priscilla the fish thought she had found her life mate,
She found him on Facebook and thought he was great,
But, when her special person didn’t show,
On their first date in the sea below,
Her feelings were rated devastate.

THE LIMERICK RECITAL

Some limericks I recite as I jelly my toast,

Some limericks I recite at the beach on the coast,

Some limericks I recite as I'm chased by a bear,

If the bear catches me, then I'm reciting prayer,

Most limericks I recite just for something to post.

THE REINDEER POOP-SHACK POEM

My shack is ugly, and it smells like a reindeer took a poop,

It appears the reindeer left it, atop of my stoop,

I lit three candles to burn off the stink,

I washed the dishes, stacked up in the sink,

I took a break outside, danced with my hula hoop,

Should have stayed in town in that home with the group. 

MARNIE MADE A MOVE WHILE FISTING

My ex-friend, Marnie doesn't live here anymore,

Marnie moved to an apartment over a store,

Marnie and I were very tight,

But we had an ugly fight,

When Marnie left, Marnie fisted my front door.

I HAVE CLIMATE CHANGE

My furnace died now, I have climate change,

I'm trying to survive in the lower temp range,

My environment is cold so, I made a fire,

But, the smoke made my breathing dire,

My head is cold because I have caught mange.