LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
Season
.
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Showing posts with label
Season
.
Show all posts
Monday, December 2, 2024
Depression, Starvation, No Heat: It Must Be Christmas Again
I got sacked before Christmas, and will receive no more pay,
I won't get my Christmas bonus, it's not coming my way,
My kids will get no new toys,
No food for girls and boys,
And, off goes the heat and the lights, now it's a dismal day.
Thursday, November 28, 2024
DEER ONLY THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES
I went into the woods hunting, and I found me a deer,
It was the end of November, and cold weather was here,
I fired my big gun,
The deer took a quick run,
I guess I must of missed him, that selfish, fur bag of fear.
Sunday, November 17, 2024
CANDY CANE BELLY JUICE, AND PORCELAIN
Jimmy found a porcelain toilet, he could use on Christmas Eve,
Jimmy liked eating candy canes, but the canes would make him heave,
On this holiday,
Jimmy stayed with Aunt May,
Aunt May cooked our nice meal, so belly sick Jimmy, could not leave.
Sunday, September 29, 2024
BEARDED IRIS IN THE SNOW
I spied a bearded iris in a sea of white snow,
I couldn't imagine what made that lovely iris grow,
The cold made me sneeze, hack and cough,
It should have killed the iris off,
Then a fawn stoped and ate it, watched over by a doe.
Sunday, April 14, 2024
THREE PINES AND ONE BAT CAMPGROUND
I went camping at a campground called, Three Pines and One Bat,
I saw the three dead pines, but worried, where was the bat at,
Then, ouch what the darn, heck?
The bat vented my neck,
Out poured my blood, the dead pines turned green, I died where I sat.
Monday, March 11, 2024
THE SNAKE IN THE POOL LIMERICK
A snake fell into my swimming pool,
I guess he wanted to feel real cool,
He chased us all away,
On a hot summer day,
Now "no snakes in the pool" is the rule.
Sunday, December 3, 2023
SANTA IS CANADIAN
I went to Canada to see Santa this year,
He was in Sault Ste. Marie, training reindeer,
I asked him for a pony,
And four cheese macaroni,
And a gallon of extra rooty root beer.
Sunday, November 19, 2023
THE HUNTERS WENT HOME
When the hunters at deer camp went out chasing the deer,
The deer doubled back to deer camp, and drank all the beer,
When the hunters finished their roam,
They packed up and went home,
Saying, "No deer, no beer, I'm not here."
Thursday, November 16, 2023
DEER CAMP AND TOWNIES
At deer camp, we eat our spaghetti and chili dinners,
Then off to the local bar, and we party like sinners,
First we eat Bob's good brownies,
For strength to brawl with townies,
We never get any deer, but in our minds we're big winners.
Wednesday, October 4, 2023
THE LITTLE GREEN WARLOCK HUNTED THE BEAST
A little green warlock knocked on my front door,
He said he was part of the green warlock lore,
He said he was hunting a beast,
For the a Halloween feast,
He told me to drive him to the butcher store.
Sunday, September 17, 2023
BENNY AND THE SALMON RUN
Benny was waiting, with his bow, arrows and quiver,
As the mighty king salmon, went running up river,
Benny took an easy shot,
At a big salmon, half-rot,
Shooting dead fish, made meals easier to deliver.
Friday, September 8, 2023
GO GET 'EM DARYL
Daryl rubbed alcohol into a raw cut, and boy, did Daryl scream,
The only way to calm him down, was a dish of chocolate ice cream,
Daryl was a simple lad,
Didn't understand, good or bad,
But, coach said Daryl was a great asset, to the JV football team.
Monday, September 4, 2023
NIGHTMARE FAIR
Vic rode on the merry go round at the big county fair,
Vic rode on a huge chicken, a horse, a duck and a bear,
The critters Vic did not fear,
Even when riding high gear,
But, the operator's stare, gave Vic a bed-wetting scare.
Thursday, July 20, 2023
BEN WENT OUT HUNTING DEER
Ben went out hunting for deer,
He just had a sharp stick for a spear,
Ben found a ten point buck,
But Ben had no luck,
His spear failed, and he got pierced in his ear.
Thursday, June 15, 2023
BUG BITE TOURS
I'm a Michigan tourist guide, taking people to find swampy bugs,
It's a fab, fab tour, but you must bring lunch and a couple of jugs,
One jug for bugs; they're dear,
The other for warm beer,
And never wear false hair, for little crits like to dine under rugs.
Saturday, April 8, 2023
DEAR CAMP.TWO (Nature Does That Reckoning Thing)
I went to dear camp and I got a big scare,
My face was chewed off by an old grumpy bear,
I tried running,
But the bear wasn't funning,
He made me a scat pile of bones and red hair.
Saturday, March 11, 2023
THE GOVERNMENT IS TAKING MY SLEEP AWAY
The authorities are demanding, I give up one hour of sleep,
But I'm thinking, that maybe, that sleep I should keep,
Daylight Savings Time,
Is a humanitarian crime,
Those who agree, honk your horn and go "Beep!"
Saturday, November 26, 2022
WET SNOWMAN LIMERICK
My snowman was the best yet,
But then it rained and he got wet,
Then he turned to ice,
Which is kind of nice,
Now he never itches since he froze his head lice.
Tuesday, November 22, 2022
DEAR CAMP THREE (I'M LIP SMACKING GOOD)
I went to deer camp, and a cougar was there,
She ripped out my throat, and there was blood in the air,
I could not utter a word,
And, the last thing I heard,
Were kitty cougar smacking lips at the lair.
Saturday, April 30, 2022
SPRING: BUGS, SNAKES, EAGLES AND CAKES
Spring is when the bugs and snakes,
Wake up to hunt the foods each takes,
Melted highways will reveal their woe,
Revealing critters that moved much too slow,
Eagles feast on thawed meat cakes.
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