FEAST AROUND AND FIND OUT: THE IVY FUR BOOT STORY

I had beautiful ivy plants, growing by my old barn, 

I found my Ivy plants dead, one day, and I said, "oh, darn",  

Two groundhogs ate the tender roots,

Hogs feel good, in my fur lined boots,

Now I won't need to knit new socks, so I'll return the yarn. 

VOODOO REVENGE

I made a voodoo doll for the man on Sucker St.

He sold me a can of tainted, pickled piggy feet,

My family was up all night,

Getting toilet time was very tight,

I stuck six pins into my foe, in the bad guy's feet.

LEGS: ACCIDENT OR CRIME

This morning for breakfast, I was served toast, bacon and eggs,

I noticed in my eggs two sets of tiny chicken legs,

The sight made me so very ill,

I had to take a heartburn pill,

Was this leg scandal purposeful, is what the question begs?

RECKONING BY THE ELVES

My kitty likes to tear, rip and shred, elves into small parts,

So on Christmas Day,  we just get one wrapped box, full of farts,

Real bad it makes us feel,

It ruins our Christmas meal,

So we go to the store, and play race with shopping carts.

THE YEAR OF THE DRAGON

It's the Year Of The Dragon, and I have nowhere for him to sleep,

 If he stays within these, my walls, it will be in the castle keep,

What does he like to eat?

What's his favorite meat?

I have lot's of peasant villagers, that are calling me a creep.

MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE TEDDY BEAR

My beautiful blue teddy bear, he came to life,

He ran off with the next door neighbor's pretty wife,

It was really sad,

My Teddy did bad,

The neighbor ripped out Teddy's stuffing with a knife.

THE SHOVEL, PIGS AND OGRES LIMERICK

In the ogre village next door,

They are preparing for war,

I stole one of their pigs,

And, A shovel that digs,

Now they're coming to even the score.

MY SHOWER ROPE WAS EMPTY

Mason used up all the soap,

So, all I had was an empty rope,

So, I used up his shampoo,

Got even, true,

Now, he won't be telling ma, that I'm just a stupid dope.

THE CHIPMUNK AND THE NOSE RING

I lost my gold nose ring when it fell on the floor,

Stolen by a chipmunk, because I left open the door,

Chipmunks are such thieves,

They hide booty in my eaves,

I should steal their black walnuts, to even the score.

GRANDMA VS. DINOSAUR

The dumb dinosaur, he just went way too far,

When he ate up grandma's old Volkswagen car,

Grandma used her big straw broom,

It was the dinosaurs doom,

Now his bones decorate grandma's coffee bar.

I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT

I went to see the King of Pudding, and the King first had me jailed,

Because I did not like his puddings, the King next had me impaled, 

I appealed to his big boss,

She was the Queen of Mustard Sauce,

But before the Queen could act, all my internal organs failed.

THE THREE SIBLINGS: PUNISHMENT

The three siblings were bad, that is without any doubt,

Bader than head lice, food poisoning, rabies and gout,

They were not chicken,

They welcomed a lickin'

Then they'd threaten, stomp their feet, puff their lips out, and pout.

Tiger, Tiger brush your teeth

Tiger, tiger don't eat my kite,

Or I'll whoop you in a fight,

Make sure your teeth are sharp and white,

When they rip my flesh tonight,

Do it fast because time is tight,

Gotta catch the bus at dawn's first light.

MY LITTLE DOG NAMED MABEL

My little dog named Mabel,

Is mentally unstable, 

She chewed the legs off the kitchen table,

And everything fell on the floor,

My little dog named Mabel,

Moved to a coup designed with a gable,

She eats frogs and snakes when she's able,

And barks with a lion's roar,

My little dog named Mabel,

Is the stuff of legend and fable

She chewed through my TV cable,

That was her way to even the score.

I GOT HONKED BY MY CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Fast and loose, the Christmas goose chased me across the yard,

Fast and loose, I was chased by that goose, while I wore just a thin leotard,

The goose caught me at last,

I got goose-honked for my past,

When I cheated the goose with a fixed playing card.

10 AND/OR 8 AVENGED CASESAR

Caesar had a really bad day

He was a war hero but became a fillet,

For the Cleopatra affair,

Gave the Roman Senate a scare,

But, Augustus made the assassins all pay.

THE RAT THAT ESCAPED FROM HIS CAGE

My pet rat has escaped from his cage,
His imprisonment has filled him with rage,
So, I dare not linger,
Lest I loose a toe or a finger,
For a war I fear he may wage.

REVENGE OF THE WOOD STOVE WIZARD

There once was a wizard who's wood stove burned wood,
When the fire burned brightly the wizard was good,
But, when the wood smoldered and hissed,
The wizard felt dissed,
And, burned down all the woodlands he could.

REVENGE

Vengeance is a lonely child,
Kept pregnant deep within,
When let loose it's mind is wild,
The base of original sin.