THE PRICE OF BEANS IN MANCELONA

I went to buy a small can of beans, in the Mancelona town,

I wanted a can of red beans, but all the beans were kind of brown,

I bought a can of brown beans,

High priced, but I had the means,

I went home and ate my pricy beans, then put on my bedtime gown.

SOME CALL IT SHOPLIFTING, I CALL IT TAKING SAMPLES

I slow rode my crooked broomstick to the store, 

I'm a witch, who likes to sweep the floor,

I try the ripe, fresh fruit,

And, vegetable root,

I sample the hotdogs, then sail out the door.

MY INHERITANCE ON A LIMERICK

I found an old limerick, laying on the kitchen floor,

I picked it up, and it had ground into it, something more,

It was a fried potato skin,

I ate it, and began to grin,

It was one my old grandma made, way back in '94.

BFF BLUE PIG

My bestie, blue pig, got all covered with the mud,

I set him down in a tub of hot soapy sud,

He let on a big, loud squeal,

Like a braked Chevy wheel,

The water was too hot, and boiled my best bud.

WHEN DESPERATE, YOU EAT THE SKIN

I dug taters out of the ground, so I could have some dinner,

Just one tater came from the hole, it was massive, a winner,

But, it was full of worms,

I had come to terms,

I fried the peels in bacon grease, I was a tater skinner.

SODA POP, OLD

My soda was not hot, and my soda pop was not cold,

My soda pop was flat, because my soda was so old,

Most times, its cold and fizzy,

Which makes me brains, freeze dizzy,

That was the worst soda pop, and mommy, I rightly told.

PUTREFIED PUMPKIN

After Halloween, my Halloween, cut pumpkin made me cry,

I was emotionally trashed, as I watched him rot and die,

So I fed him to the yard birds,

And, other backyard critter herds,

I watched them chew his face away, and I waved to him, bye, bye.

Putrify

I KNOCKED A PIZZA DOWN

I found a whole pizza, but it was up in the trees,

Don't know how it got there, but there was a steady breeze,

It took me quite a bit,

But, I found a long stick,

I caught the sausage pizza, and added cheddar cheese.

THE MONTH OF APRIL

If you live where there is no snow,

April is when your plants will grow

The baby deer falls from the doe,

You won't need socks to warm your toe,

You shelve long books, like Ivanhoe.

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HEMORRHOIDS ARE DESTROYERS OF THE WORLD

Some wanted the world destroyed,

Some put such feelings, on avoid,

Then we all got nuked, 

Radiation we puked,

Just because a dictator had a hemorrhoid.

BEN QUITS AND KNITS

Deary Ben gave up on life, and he totally quit,

Then he just sat in a chair, and he knit and he knit,

He knitted me sneakers,

But they were real leakers,

Ben knitted me a stocking hat, and that was a hit.

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AFTER THE PARADE

After the parade when the sparklers all fade,

And the tourists go home to their shacks,

Then around the campfire sits a marshmallow choir,

Singing songs of the lake monster's attacks,

Among the people up here, the lake monster they fear,

More than sharp points on some deadly dear racks,

And when that monster comes near the roar that you hear,

Will sound like ten thousand duck quacks,

But, alas the monster has never been clearly seen,

Some say he's brown, some say he's green,

Some say he's a fish with monstrous gills,

Some say he's a porcupine with carnivorous quills,

Of course, all I'm saying is the monster is mean,

All I'm saying is he eats meat and never soybean,

All I'm saying is stay away from the water at night,

For dark is his domain and may ours be filled with light.

THE PORCELAIN AND RON'S ALMOND NUTS

Ron wanted some peanuts to eat on today,

But, a bag full of almonds sat in the way

So, on the almonds Ron did feast,

Till Ron gassed up like a beast,

Then, the porcelain in the bathroom had to pay.

THE RAINY, RAINY, RAINY LIMERICK

My bones are all in painy,

Cause it rainy, rainy, rainy

It puts hurt into my brainy,

I'll probably go insainy,

Overeat, then weight I'll gainy.