WHAT'S IN THE STEW TOO

Me thinks my stew meat was foreign born,
From overhead flypaper the wind doth torn,
But, the stew isn't for me,
So, I'll just leave it be,
And, say the stew meat is really burnt corn.

THE BALLAD OF DINO TEX

I once knew this big bad dinosaur, and his name was Tex,

Tex got in a bar fight, and ate a Tyrannosaurus rex,

Tex was well endowed,

With a voice that was too loud,

He use to be a unicorn, but got a witches hex.

LIFE IN THE WOODS

A woody was pecking a hole in my door,

A rat was gnawing up through my vinyl floor,

Then a buck and a doe,

Smashed through my window,

Next came the lion that ate me; now I'm sore.

TURNED IN BY LITTLE GOODY-TWO-SHOES

Little Goody-Two-Shoes has turned me in once again,
It seems that my loud, obscene music is a nasty sin,
However, Little Goody-Two-Shoes,
Don't understand real strong booze,
When loud and obnoxious, is a natural win.

MY NEIGHBOR NEEDS A SHIRT LIMERICK

My neighbor was born with an extra arm and  a hand,
To find a shirt that would fit him he searched over the land,
Then, on one flea market table,
There was a cloth made of sable,
He cut some holes in it and felt royally grand.

THERE WAS A LITTLE TEA POT POEM 2012

There was a little tea pot,
And, it began to leak,
It electrified the electric stove,
That made the cook really freak,

The cook ran out of the house,
As the stove glowed and began to spark,
Lights flickered all through the house,
Then the entire house went dark,

There was a little leaky tea pot,
It blew every circuit in the house,
Now the house is abandoned and condemned,
Its tenant is just one mouse.

I DID PAINTS

I wanted to paint my bedroom with colors that make me smile,

So I bought a bunch of discount paints and painted for a while,

My bedroom is small and tight,

The colors are brash and bright,

But upon reflection, I think they reflect my style.

BARRY THE VAMPIRE HAS ALERGIES

There was a vampire named Barry,
He drank blood, but was allergic to dairy,
He ate some ice cream,
Then started to scream,
His mouth became dry and felt hairy.

Fishing Buddies Caught The Big One

Jamie had a big fish on his fishing line,

Jerked, and jerked the pole held up just fine,

Joey held the net,

Hard, the fish was to get,

And, fast went the fish at a dinner with wine.

DAVY: A ROMANCE POEM

Davy has amazing hips,

He acquired, eating chips,

A genetic fluke, gave him fish lips,

His favorite protein is canned kips,

Guzzles beer, water sips.

I BOUGHT A STOCK LIMERICK

I bought several  shares of stock ,
I lost so much money my teeth I did hock,
I thought I had ivory to spare,
Thought I'd grow a new pair,
When I did not it came as a shock.

SMELLY PEOPLE MAKE PEOPLE SNEEZE

Our flight was delayed by 29 hours,

Nobody could get to any showers,

When everyone sneezed,

The entire planed wheezed,

Then we landed in somebody's flowers. 

DONNY EXPANDING PANTS

As Donny's belly pressure grew alot stronger,

He realized his belt size was becoming wronger,

The fat fryer got the blame,

That blame seemed really lame,

Suspenders helped Donny expand a little longer.

I LOST MY TEETH PLAYING TETHERBALL

I lost my teeth playing tetherball,

That smack in my face should have been a foul call,

They almost called my next of kin,

And, the guy didn't need to play rough to win,

I'm 5'2" and he's 7' tall.

I'LL BE GROWING POTATOES IN THE NEIGHBOR'S FIELD, COME SPRING

I wanted to try a magnificent pillage,😈

So I went over to the neighboring village,😁

They had swords over there,😧

I lost head and hair,😢

I now wait in a field for spring tillage.💀

ARE APTITUDE TESTS EVER WRONG?

I took an aptitude test for a job,

While eating buttery corn on the cob,

The results of my test,

Said the job I'd do me best,

Was stuffing food in my mouth like a slob.

I BUY MY. WINE AT DOLLAR STORES

My table wine did not taste so good,

Flavored like the polish I use on wood,

My eyes turned dark green,

Hurt in kidneys, liver spleen,

Discount wine maybe bad, now understood.