I DON'T REPAIR DUMPS; I BUILD CASTLES

I gathered up my jumpy dog, and locked down my crumbling hovel,

We walked down to the sandy beach, with my toy plastic pail and shovel,

Built a tall castle on the beach,

Stacked sand as high as I could reach,

My dog knocked the castle down; for his dinner, he had to grovel.

I MISSED THE PARADE, BUT I WATCHED MY KITTY PEE

I was going to a parade, then it started to rain,

I did not want to experience a lightning strike, pain,

Through the window, I watched the river,

Gave some fresh beer to my old liver,

I' watched my cat all day, he used his litter box, to drain.

DRIED PRUNE PARFAIT FOR ALGER

My little tame rat, named Alger, was always chewing flowers,

The flowers,were non-lethal, but they made him poop for hours,

Then, 3 times every day,

I fed him dried prune, parfait,

The poopy rat, washes it off with me, while I take showers.

FAMILY VALUES, PEONIES AND MEAT

I taught my entire coup of chickens, to poop on the peonies,

Poop is a great fertilizer, and the resulting flowers, do please,

Peonies cover the families graves,

Ma, and Pa, and Great Grandpa Big Draves.

Nana ,Grandpa and Aunt Louise, are in the barn, in the meat, deep freeze.  

FROM THE ANCIENT CRYPT OF KINGS, I STOLE THEIR GOLDEN RINGS

Down In a dark tunnel, I found the crypt of the ancient kings,

I went into the dank, musky crypt, to steal their precious, things,

Clothes were stinky, loose and frayed,

Royal bodies, had decayed,

But, on their brittle finger bones, they showed off their golden rings.

THEY'RE COLORED GREEN; WILL I BE DE-FEETED?

All my pretty feet, are turning a real dark green,

Maybe there's a problem, with my flip, flopping spleen,

Is green a sign of foot woe?

Dead, green meat, and off they go?

And, I just bought new shoes, to celebrate Halloween.

THE HOLIDAY ELF FROM BEL

Friday The Thirteenth, is every time,  such a big hassle,

Everyone is fear filled, so they hold down in their castle,

But, the creature with crunching jaws,

Tightest buns, and long, sharp claws,

Will appear this night, wearing only, a pointy hat and tassel. 

MY LIFE WAS RUINED BY A WITCH

Back when I was just a simple, lounging, otter,

Life was great, eating fish, and swimming water,

Then along comes this witch,

And, her nose goes twitch, twitch,

Now I work long, hot, hard days, as a potter.

SOCIAL MEDIA BLOCKED

I cannot call it social media, because I get blocked all the time,

How can I be real social, when each thing I say, is an internet crime,

I guess I'll watch my vids,

Ones not fit for the kids,

Now, every moment I'm not sleeping, I'll watch videos, and write rhyme.

MY BAD, DOUBLE TROUBLE

I went into the city, to stir up some bad, trouble,

That is when I ran into my exact, copy, double, 

We were right away, mates,

All aligned were our fates,

The bar fight we started, left half the city in rubble.

GOING SLOW, HELPS LONGEVITY GROW, FOR TRAINS

There was an ancient, slow train that did not like to go fast,

It had a steam engine built in some century, long past,

The coal fuel caused massive pollution,

But, the train was an institution,

It seems the slower pace, helped the antique trains parts, to last.

INFESTATION 2025

There were spider mites on his roses, and ants in his peonies,

There were squirming worms in his cabbage, and his cat and dog had fleas,

And, cockroaches in the house,

Tiny, red beetles, on his spouse,

There was even a touch of mange, on daughter Trina's big, pet bees..

MY SIX YEAR OLD SISTER, HAS AN EATING DISORDER

It's disgusting, I live with an eater of crayons, and paste,

I told ma, but she cared more about her stair stepper, and waist,

I know I should not whine,

I'm big brother, I'm nine,

But, I can't do my art stuff, when my kid sister has bad taste.

MY GUPPY DIED FROM DEHYDRATION

I kept my small, green pet guppy, in a wide mouth mason jar,

Not much room to swim sideways, but he could swim up really far,

One day, my guppy jumped out,

He must have flipped, flopped about,

I found my guppy, a dried up husk, on my toy, Tonka car.

GAMER HEART STOPPER

When I was young, I played video games, until I was sixty-seven,

My heart stopped, and I departed off to play, video games in heaven,

I was surprised, well, well, well,

I woke up where demons dwell,

But, I got to play with my dead gamer fans, Nancy, Clancy and Kevin.

MY BUDDY FELL OVER, HIS FIRST HOUSE

My buddy rented a little house, that had a small loft, for sleeping,

He said the bed was soft, and the little house, needed no up keeping,

But, the landlord didn't honestly inform, 

The house blew over in every storm,

The house blew over in a storm one night, and alarms started beeping.

MY BROTHER-IN-LAW SMELLS

My weird brother-in-law, does not feel real, darn rosy,

So, he piles into his pants pockets, some posey,

He hasn't bathed in six weeks,

His big, hairy body, wreaks,

He needs a hard spray down, with water from the hosey.

STINKY TEETH AND NICOTINE GUM

I thought I had lots of mint toothpaste left, but my tube is flat, and stone dry,

If I go to school without clean smelling teeth, the teasing will make me cry,

I stole ma's nicotine gum,

I chewed it all, yum, yum, yum!

Now, I have this strange feeling, that maybe, I can stretch out my wings, and fly.

TOMATOES, THE BAD CROP

This years tomatoes, did not attain the size, big,

The foul taste was like an ancient, rotten, pine twig,

The plants were of bad seed,

I think bred from a weed,

Our labors been lost, the fruits aren't fit for a pig.

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, THERE'S COUGHING

The smoke covers the sky, as the smoke drifts in from a million miles away,

Methinks we will choke and needlessly die, if the smoke stays around through the day,

I heard it's a  forest fire smoke,

So hot, you can make steel without coke,

It seems like the smoke has been thickening, since the first days, at the start of May.

DRAGON POOF REVENGE

There was a fire breathing dragon, and he was acting like a goof,

The dragon, was dancing down the center of my big red barns, tin roof,

The neighbors got their varmint guns,

And, shot the dragon in his buns,

The pained dragon, blew his blazing breath, and all the farms around went, "Poof!"

AI FIXES THE WAS/WERE CONFUSION

I don't know the difference, between the words "was" and "were",

I was out of school real sick, the day that lesson did occur,

We have a school AI,

On that, I do rely,

AI gives me more time with kitty, watching her cough up fur.