MY BRAIN HAS QUANTUM TUNNELING, OR I NEED SOME SUGAR?

Methinks someone was quantum tunneling, deep inside my brain,

A lot of things I remember, now seem changed; am I insane?

I watch internet science shows,

Maybe, that is why my mind blows,

I should watch healthy cooking shows, and learn about sugar cane.

WHAT I WILL DO FOR MY PIZZA, RAVE PARTY

I went out to dig a body ditch, also known as a grave,

Down to the body box of Dear Henry, a bro and a knave,

Bro Henry, in life,

Stole Sarah, my wife,

And, Henry has my pizza coupons, that I need for my rave.

DON'T GET CAUGHT EATING RAW POLLYWOGS

I use to be a Puritan, when I sailed over on the boat,

I wore cheap, nasty, clothes, like my ragged, old, black, stinky, wool coat,

They accused me of being an evil witch,

Because I ate raw pollywogs from a ditch,

I was sent to the old gallows, sentenced by a unanimous vote.

ARBUTUS FIFE AND DRUM

Arbutus is a flower, and Arbutus is my wife,

We had our nuptials, and I guess we're married for life,

We had a couple of kids,

They grew up, left town, good rids,

We retired to play music; she plays drum; I play fife.

IGUANAS FALL DEAD

A large frozen iguana fell from the sky, down to my head,

It split my thin skull wide open, and my white shirt got all red,

In Florida, we got a freeze,

That killed iguanas in the trees,

I am the first casualty, of the iguana, falling dead.

THE LEIGH LIMERICKS FILES

I was mentioned a million times, because my limericks suck,

I put together disjointed rhymes, to try to earn a buck,

For me, it's so very sad,

I have no talent, my bad,

For poor grammar, I'm charged with crimes; I've no talent and bad luck.

I FILED MY TAXES EARLY

I put all my important papers into a big, plastic tote,

Included were my bills, and copies of every check I wrote,

I was ready to pay my tax,

And, take deductions to the max,

I needed to get some money back, to buy a new, leather coat.

MY MODERN CAT, FRED

I went to the store to buy my cat some milk,

His name is Fred, and he will drink only silk,

That is my cat boy,

A lover of soy,

Modern cats are so strange, my Fred and his ilk.

PROPER DENTAL CARE, AND WESTERN THROW DOWN

I feel like an authentic cowboy, sitting in front of my big screen,

Rounding up the worst bad guys, in the lawless town, I was sent to clean,

Then, there was at the dead end,

A duel with an old friend,

He once was a famous lawman, but an abscess tooth, turned him, plumb mean.

MARSUPIAL STEW

I went and scraped marsupials off the road today,

I had to really scrape them, cause they had dried up in the clay,

Consider yourself a winner,

Cause we're having them for dinner,

I know it does not smell so good, but it keeps the bears away.

6622

 

WOLFING THE COWS

I guard my sleepy cattle to chase off the werewolf,

He likes eating live cattle; fresh red meat on the hoof,

This is not for some fun,

I've silver bullets in my gun,

And, a man with silver bullets on the farmhouse roof.

I'M NOT COMPLAINING

I use to have a little spending money, but now I am really dirt poor,

I feel robbed by utilities, insurance and rent, and the grocery store,

I just got fined for my complaining,

Next time, I'll get a public caning,

I would move away to a nicer place, but everyone has slammed their door.

THE VALENTINE LAMENT OF A GHOST

I once had a beautiful valentine, one hundred years ago,

We would go outside and picnic dine, when the grass began to grow,

After years, my valentine went away,

They lie beneath the daisies, I would lay,

I am the ghost, the afterglow, missing my love, who sleeps below.

TAYLOR NEEDED A TAILPIPE, AND FRANKIE GOT SPANKED

Taylor needed a brand new tailpipe, said mechanic Frankie,

Taylor wrote out a big personal check for Frankie's banky,

The tailpipe was installed,

Tailor was just appalled,

Piped exhaust went into the car, and Frankie got a spanky.

JIMMY, CALLED UGLY, LEFT TOWN

Jimmy was a very ugly baby, and no prettier as an adult,

Jimmy went way out west, out to the frosty mountains, and joined some silly cult,

Jimmy was embraced and accepted,

Among society's rejected,

Jimmy married, had "ugly" babies, a description, that's society's fault.

A NOVICE REFLECTION ON HOW

Formed from dust, and rubble and beams of all light,

Taking billions of years to become a sight,

Thus, by physics, I came to be,

But, what always troubles me,

Is how the cold dead matter formed life, just right?

THE PLUM SONG OF MICHAEL

Before church choir, Michael's constipation, needed fine tuning,

He went to his larder, where he kept dried plums for bowel pruning,

After his toilet, Mike took a shower,

Where Michael practiced, his vocal power,

At church, Mike's back end got dark and wet, while Mike was solo crooning. 

THE ANIMAL TAKEOVER

The animals revolted, and over humans, placed an over lord,

He is a chipmunk with a sharpened stick, that he uses for a sword,

Chippy demands we work,

That evil, little jerk,

Chippy has the backing of bears and bucks; on Tuesday, I was deer gored. 

NO MONEY FOR RENTS; BUY MY TENTS

I bought a Michigan factory, and we're making tents,

New tents for the people who can't afford paying their rents,

Each tent has a stove that burns wood,

It's great for heating, and cooks good,

The tents sell for two thousand dollars and ninety nine cents.