WHAT'S IN YOUR ROAD KILL STEW?

The favorite dish served in Northern Michigan is called road kill stew,

Every time you try it, you find smells and flavors you never new,

Could be any animal, what the heck?

Could be a professor, from Caltech,

You don't know what you might scrape up, but the food is free for me and you.

I DIED FROM A BLOODY TOOTH

I pulled my bad tooth out with pliers; it was done on a dare,

I then started bleeding really bad, that gave me a teared scare,

For an ambulance, I sent,

To the hospital, I went,

A nurse put a tag on my toe, and I got cremated there.

ELDON AND THE SNOWPLOW

Brother Eldon had two little feet, and they were white as snow,

And, everywhere that Eldon went, his snow white feet would go,

One cold day, Eldon looked for his cow,

But, was run over by a snowplow,

Eldon's feet were all that we found, on poor Eldon's day of woe.

BARNEY BIG HORN

Barney the big horned buffalo, put on some purple underwear, 

He did not like being naked, because all the girls would stare,

One girl buffalo said, "hey hun,

Without your underwear, you'd have fun",

So, off went his underwear, then he was ate by a grizzly bear.  

THE END

PEGGY PEACOCK

Penny had a handsome, pet peacock, and Penny named him ABC,

ABC had a pretty, peacock girlfriend, known as 123, 

123 and ABC made a big egg,

The peacock that popped out, mama named her Peg,

Peg grew up, became a volunteer, and gave up her spare time for free.

TIME TRAVEL: SCIENCE VS. MEDITATION

I tried to tunnel my brainy consciousness to change my personal past,

I wanted to be stinky rich, and have a marriage that for years, would last,

I took a hard, quantum physics class,

I don't understand maths; I didn't pass,

I've found that if I drink beer and meditate, I can change my life, chug fast.

DOG TURDS AND TRAPS: A LIFE WITH A PURPOSE

You see many monsters in the world, when you are just a little fly,

I'm just looking for some turds to eat, then I can lay all my eggs, and die,

It's easiest to follow dogs,

They're always dropping big, wet logs,

The monster humans often set fly traps out; they hate us; I wonder why?

A KATRINA GHOST STORY

Katrina sang while sailing, one calm sunny day,

Then she sailed her small boat, too far out on the bay,

Because her eyesight was poor,

Katrina couldn't find the shore,

Katrina's ghost is still singing, that's what some say.

KATRINA CAME BACK

I'm mad; my little, brat sister Katrina, got a brand new, baby horse,

The reason she got one is mommy and daddy, were getting a divorce,

Then Katrina rode away,

Didn't come back until today,

Katrina ran off fifty years ago, so mom and dad are dead, of course.

MY BACH CLOCK

Hickory, Dickery, Dock, my big clock chimes hourly, Sebastian Bach,

It dings Bach's Toccata in D Minor, all metered with a tic tock,

When in he Toccata phase,

My guests shower me with praise,

Some ask me if the clock could chime a version, in heavy metal rock.

HOW LAZINESS AND PERSONAL HYGIENE CAN COEXIST

No one can see that my long fingernails are never, very clean,

Because I painted all my fingernails, a really dark, grass green,

Instead of taking my normal shower,

I gave myself much more body power,

I painted myself a pumpkin orange, because I love Halloween.

WHEN I'M CRITICISED, I TRANCE TO FRANCE

Many people do not like my crazy, silly rhymes,

My rhymes make them so mad, they want to clock my chimes,

I escape into a trance,

Where I am living in France,

In France they do not know of my linguistic crimes.

EAGLES PREFER LAMB

The eagle likes my little lambs; he takes one once a day,

He flies them off into the mountains, that's where my lambs stay,

The eagle once took a rat,

And, a calico barn cat,

But, the rat and cat both wandered home, the very next day.

CONCERT AND DINNER DATE MUSIC

Ferris played masterfully, an ancient instrument, called the harpsichord,

The elegant music was comforting, enchanting; a good soul's reward,

The enchantment was fleeting,

When Ferris finished, we went eating,

The music tape played at the restaurant, made my ears and taste buds, dead board.

I PROVIDED SCIENTISTS WITH A CHANCE FOR A FISH DINNER

After I suddenly died, scientists dissected my strange brain,

They wanted to find out why I was acting, completely insane,

They did not find any germs 

Just pounds of juicy, red worms,

The scientist took the worms, and went fishing on Lake Champlain.

I COPIED MY PARENTS

I sucked in candy cigarettes, when I was a nasty,  little tot,

I pretended I was like daddy, until my teeth began to rot,

I copied mommy and ate cookie dough,

The dough tasted good, and made my skin glow,

I gave some dough to my little bro, and it just made him snot a lot. 

THE QUEEN'S BISHOP, ROOK

I am so mad at my neighbor for stealing my bestest, favorite book,

It is about a queen cheating on the king, with the handsome bishop, and rook,

The book ends really, really bad,

The queen's exed by an ax, so sad, 

The bishop and rook become fisherman eunuchs, drowning worms on a hook.

CITY FOLK MOVE TO THE FARM

My family moved out into the county, where the men can raise some fat pigs,

We are going to try planting tobacco, so the women can roll fresh cigs,

We planted potatoes in the ground,

Acres of tomatoes, will abound,

But, the ceiling and floor in our trailer has caved in, so we don't have nice digs.

HEALTHY BREAKFAST

My cinnamon oatmeal was too hot, and it burned my pink lips,

I use to eat lots of bacon, but bacon made huge, my hips,

Each morning drink prune juice,

It keeps a body loose,

Always eat toast dry; butter clogs arteries, and makes heart flips.

BLESSED IS THE PEACEMAKER, WHO TONES DOWN GRANDMA'S WRATH

Aunt Matilda took a shower, and Uncle Benny took a bath,

They slopped water all over, drenched the floor, which caused vexed grandma's wrath,

Grandma chewed on them all day,

She refused to hear their say,

Grandma might have yelled through the night, but for our peacemaker, Aunt Cath.