AFTER MY LAST TRADE, I DRANK DITCH WATER

All currencies went crashing, even the dollar and crown,

All of the stocks and bonds I own, went down, down, down, down, down,

My heart blew a right gasket,

They stuffed me in a casket,

They buried me in a ditch; I wore my funeral gown.

ELYSIUM LIVES IN MY CHICKEN COUP

My  bestest friend Elysium, went to take a withdrawal from their bank,

Elysium lost all of their money, because the bank was in the tank,

The bank made zero credit, mortgage loans,

Invested in refurbished, flip flop phones, 

Broke, Elysium moved into my chicken coup, although the smell is rank.

MY MONEY MEMES

I'm investing money in those political memes,

It's just like buying chocolates, full of sugar creams,

You could taste, pickle sour,

Then taste a sweet flower,

I'm making billions and billions, in my greedy dreams.

THE SILVER PENNY FED MY FACE

I found a silver penny, lying out on an old, blacktop street,

It was dated 1943, when a penny bought you meat,

Inflation has taken a big toll,

My purchase power is in the hole,

A collector bought my penny, for tatter chips that I did eat.

JIMMY'S GOLDEN ANCHOR

Jimmy owned a grocery store, and it was the plaza anchor,

Other plaza shops included, were a pharmacy and banker,

Jimmy owned the land, collected rent,

When the rent went up, tenants got bent,

Jimmy became a billionaire, despite all the tenant rancor.

THE CHAIR AND TABLE LIMERICK

By my dining table, I have a chair for my seat,

On top of the dining table, I nothing to eat,

Where I bought my table and chair,

I spent all of my money there,

I do have a soda pop, so at least I'll have a treat

NO GREETING CARD, JUST BAD NEWS FROM THE BANK

I went outside and got the mail, at the breaking of the dawn,

It was no greeting card, but a notice I was overdrawn,

I went to the bank,

I was in the tank,

No prob, I got stuff to pawn.

I TANKED A TANK AND A BANK

I was in the army and drove a tank,

I drove it out on a lake and it sank,

The army could see,

They did not want me, 

Now, I run a home mortgage bank.