PHIL THE FARMER-Limerick

Phil the farmer really likes his lunch,
He eats ham and, cheese and, cherry punch,
His teeth have gone bad,
And, he lost them, so sad,
He can't eat anything that goes crunch.

MY COMPUTER HAD A BAD DAY

My computer had a really bad day,

My spilled coffee made my Windows go away,

My computer made a scene,

By giving me a blank screen,

I got it fixed but, boy did I pay.

DANCING DON THE POLKA DANCE KING

Dancing Don was the great polka dance king,
He danced the polka at every wing ding,
But, one day he fell,
And, gave out a yell,
Now, his leg has a cast and his arm has a sling.

GRANDMA'S PORCELAIN RABBIT

My porcelain rabbit went to the floor,
It scattered pieces from the TV to the door,
The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase,
But, I think I'll not replace,
I'll use the money to buy a pizza, ...toppings four.

INSTANT COFFEE AND ICE CREAM BAR STARS

Way out among the distant stars,

I've heard they eat nothing but, ice cream bars,

If I could get some dough,

To those stars, I would go,

Bringing lots of instant coffee in jars.

DRAT! I'M NOT A NUGGET

I tested my dogs DNA and found out he is a cat,

I tested my kitties DNA and found out she is a bat

So then, I tested my own,

I found out I'm just a limestone,

I had hoped I was a gold nugget so, drat! 

IGOR HATED THE FIRST OF JUNE

Igor hated the first day of June,
That's the day his marriage went out of tune,
But, by the first of July,
Igor celebrated on high,
With his new wife on their honeymoon.

HUBA DUBA DO NOT

The couple spent all their time watching the HUB,

Eating pork rinds and becoming real tub,

To live through just what you sees,

Is one easy please,

But, no calories burned, that's the rub.

WHEN I DRIVE BRING A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR

The traffic is bad on the road,

I swerved to avoid crushing a toad,

I then side swiped a truck,

Veered i to a ditch full of muck,

Then, my passenger's bowels passed a load.

THE BAT

A bat was nesting beneath boards on my porch,
He came out when down went the daylight torch,
He’d eat bugs all the night,
Then at first light,
He would hide before he could scorch.

A bat left droppings all over my porch boards,
His droppings were many; he ate insects in hoards,
I chased him away,
But, by the end of the day,
He came back and shrieked in hideous chords.

I HAD A BUG UPON MY TOE LIMERICK

I had a bug upon my toe,
He bit it firm and caused me woe,
I had often been bitten by the mosquito fly,
It made me itch until I thought I'd die,
But, the bug on my toe laid eggs to let grow.