FACE, ACE, FOUR, ORE: THE CHEETAH ATE MY...

I fed my cheetah Cheetos, then he turned around and ate my face,

He seemed to enjoy the Cheetos, but my face tasted, pretty ace,

My cat is the age, ten and four,

Lives in a cave of iron ore,

I feel like a stupid loser, losing my face is my disgrace.

I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,

The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,

That's the last pie,

Until I die,

Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.

I CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH BELLY TREATS

Every single Christmas, I get fired,

It is never quite the Christmas, desired,

But, I got a nice big stash,

A coffee can full of cash,

I'll buy some pop and cookies, and get wired.

JUST LIKE MY GRANDMA, I KILL WITH GREASE

I spent a lifetime making sandwiches, dripping with grease,

I will never find in my demise, an eternal peace,

I invented the heart flopper,

Eventually, heart stopper,

Now, the nightmare of my great guilt, will not cease, will not cease.

I'M A DICKENS CHRISTMAS CAROL, EVERY SINGLE YEAR

If I want a Christmas Dinner, I'll have to scrape it off the road,

Last year, all I scraped up for Christmas, was the thigh of one squished toad,

I cannot ever, quite understand,

Why every Christmas, I get canned,

Then I can't have heat, food or lights, and get kicked out of my abode.

AI AP FOR METER MILES

My conversion brain, usually beguiles,

But, I cannot convert meters to miles,

Meters to feet,

Quick done, complete,

Seems, my brain's missing some conversion AP files.

THE LIVING AND THE GIN DEAD

Spirits from the undead, nether world, spoke to me, once again,

Through my dreams they warned me, about the spirit cast in my gin,

My newly made gin, perverts mortal sight,

Contaminated with full demon blight,

Too late for me, I'm drinking samples, from my cup of silver-tin.

PETER, TURNIPS AND HIS MA

Peter picked his big, sweet turnips, from the ground they swelled within,

Peter picked them in the morning, and placed them in his turnip bin,

Peter fried the turnips in grease and butter,

Then he fed them to his grinning, old mutter,

She would say "that a boy", as hot grease and drool dripped down her chin.

SPAM JAM BENNY

Benny went to a foot doctor, to have all his toes dejammed,

This was soon on social media, now Benny's getting spamed,

Spam was one of Benny's big fears,

Toe jams has brought Benny to tears,

Now, everywhere that Benny goes, his jams will get him slammed.  

THE BLINGING OF THE KING

I went to Utah to visit our dear King,

He was so unhappy, because of the thing,

He had been extremely jolly,

After he married Queen Polly,

But, then she divorced him and took all his bling.

REINDEER CHUNK CHEESE TARIFFS

I had to pay for a big tariff on my small piece of Cheese,

It was made from reindeer milk, and fresh, big chunks of reindeer sneeze,

It was Canadian dairy,

The big price of it was scary,

If I disguise as Santa, I could smuggle it in with ease.

DECEMBER: COLD, DEATH AND PAIN

December days are too many, black, cold and very long,

The spirit who designed December, was in the head, wrong, 

It's painfully chilly,

Fast froze my dog, Willy,

Each December remembered, with a dark dirge for its song.

Depression, Starvation, No Heat: It Must Be Christmas Again

I got sacked before Christmas, and will receive no more pay,

I won't get my Christmas bonus, it's not coming my way,

My kids will get no new toys,

No food for girls and boys,

And, off goes the heat and the lights, now it's a dismal day.

COB-CORN AND THE HAPPY DUDE

Uncle Lee scraped up all the gum, that people had chewed,

People left gum all over, and in places, so rude,

But, it gave Lee a paying job,

Then he could buy corn on the cob,

When Lee ate buttered cob-corn, he was one happy dude.

WINTER DEAD

We all hope that enough winter nuts, we have now, squirreled,

As the dark, bleak drapes of winter, cover our new world,

And, ode to the snow, white,

Covering the dead fall, blight,

While we hold close our others, under blankets, half furled.