THIS BOLD MAN...

This bold man, he had a son,

He had two, but away the other run,

With a big black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, had a home with a view,

He hated his neighbors, and they hated him too,

With a big black, Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, had a yacht on the sea,

With the rich and powerful, he liked to party,

With a big, black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, he could not fall asleep,

His son had called him a greedy, selfish creep,

With a big, black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, at a new beginning, he did arrive,

He became kind and generous, and finally felt alive,

He sold his big, black Cadillac, his yacht, and fancy home,

He quit all his drooling, and built a homeless, shelter dome.

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CONTEMPLATION

My anchor, my love, 

Sleeping, peaceful dove,

Great quiet, 

Sound diet,

Relaxed low, above.

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BALLOONING WITH LEIGH AND LEO

I and Leo went up flying in a hot air balloon,

I felt we looked special, because our balloon was maroon,

Our balloon burst out into fires,

When we crossed some electric wires,

No people found our bodies, but we fed a fat raccoon.

FACE AND MACE

I got needed plastic surgery to pretty up my face,

Then, girlies all loved me, so I fought them off with big, bear mace,

One took my mace away,

And, gave my face a spray,

Ruined my face, but against my attacker I won my case.

EVEN TOADS DO IT

Like, everyone does it, even the toads,

We like to hop down, those two track, muddy, roads,

Lots of fungi to eat,

And bugs, toads call fresh meat,

The backwoods highway; free of internet codes.

THE THREE TASTY TROLLS AND THE DRAGON

There were three evil trolls way out in the deep woods,

They were snacking on good Little Red Riding Hoods,

A hungry dragon was flying,

Thought the evil trolls worth trying,

Sometimes dragons do evils, sometimes they do goods.

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BITES AND THRIFTING

I'm low on funds, so I went thriftng at a little thrift store,

I bought fancy, fashion jeans, and nifty shirts that I adore,

Next day, I had bedbugs and fleas,

Ringworm, head lice and gross, scabies,

Today I used the fire pit, burned my clothes, now I feel poor.

REQUIEM FOR THE ORANGE

There once was a big old, orange critter,

He lost all his friends and became bitter,

He got thrown out of his house

With his kids and his spouse,

And, had his privileges cancelled by Twitter.

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TULIPS FOR ALGERNON.

I had a big tin purple elephant, I named Algernon,

I gave Alger early spring, pink tulips, that he fell upon,

He crushed all the pretty flowers,

Broke them off from their green towers,

I tossed big Al, got a plastic fish, I called him Mastodon.

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FALL: A LIMERICK OF DISCONTENT

I don't like fall a lot,
My garden has gone to pot,
The trees have lost every leaf,
From the cold there's no relief,
Fall means the summer is shot.

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OFFICE WORKER LIMERICK

Pam tapped her black, shiny keyboard, as she typed tippy tap,
Pam sucked down a cola soda, as her earbuds boomed rap,
Pam worked in a law office.
For a lawyer named Crawfice,
Pam filled out legal documents,  with fancy, wordy crap.

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THE SKUNK WHO LOWERED HIS CHOLESTEROL

Derek the skunk liked his eggs in the morn,
So, he went into the chicken coop where the eggs were born,
Then the chickens got mad,
And, treated poor Derek bad,
So, Derek did breakfast, by eating field corn.  

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MONKEYS, CATTLE AND RATTLESNAKES LIMERICK

Two little monkeys raised and sold some cattle,
Then over the proceeds they started to battle,
One thought it was best,
That in cattle they reinvest,
The other wanted to raise snakes that would rattle. 

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THERE WAS A MAN NAMED PERKINS LIMERICK

There once was a man named Perkins,
He loved eating sour Gherkins,
He ate so many one night,
His lips puckered up tight,
It took days to fix his mouth work-ins.

A man named Perkins owned a pet store,
He sold little pigs, but nothing more,
He tried selling big hogs,
They were heavy like logs,

And, that made his back mighty soar.

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MY PLAN TO DESTROY THE BRAIN WORM

It seems, my alien brain worm is twisting, and twisting really bad,

It makes one side of my face smile happy, and the other, tear sad,

I'll eat  greased, French fries,

So my  brain worm dies,

The worm will die from a stroke, and my butt will be a soft, sitting pad.

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I LOVE MY BABIES

I love my babies, yes that's true, 

I raise them up, that's what I do,

I am a house fly,

And, before I die,

I'll train my babies to bug you.

I TOOK MY TIME MACHINE BACK TO THE OLD WEST II

When I took my time machine back to the Old West,
I spilled a beer on Doc Holliday's new vest,
Now, he didn't say too much,
But, his bullet was hot to touch,
"Call for a doctor", was my next request.

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A LAMENT FOR MY GREEN-SNAKE

My giant pet green-snake named Nork,
Ate only pizza with pepperoni and pork,
Poor Nork died from the wheeze,
When his pizza had cheese,
Nork had a food allergy, since he lived in County Cork.

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ICONIC WHISKERS

I had summer sausage for my dinny, din, din,

Much greased dripped down onto my fat chinny, chin chin,

Mixing with pieces of cheese,

It drew mice, rats and sand fleas,the

I cleansed myself in a poisoned binny, bin, bin.

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MY PETS ARE NOT ACTIVE AND MY TEETER IS BROKE

My teeter-totter has a broken teeter,

My canary bird has a real horse tweeter,

My doggy won't dog,

He's asleep like a log,

While my kitty warms his paws on the heater.

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IT'S SO HOT, MY MAGIC BANJO MELTED

It got so hot, that my magic banjo melted; it turned back into tin,

I bought the magic banjo from an old chap called Rumpelstiltskin, 

Now, I bang my tin all day,

Hoping passerbys will pay,

I'm a street corner musician; hoping my magic tin will earn me din. 

HAIR EVERYWHERE

My best bro was as furry as a big grizzly bear,

And, twice everyday, he would shave off all his hair,

The need for furry care,

My bro, thought was unfair,

With some wax and some duct tape, he showed he had a pair.

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WOMEN LOVE ME (PROBABLY NOT)🙄

I live a bigly life with absolutely, very few regrets,🐖

I survive on black coffee, honey buns and menthol cigarettes,😎

Last time I did a social check,🐍

I had only aces in my deck,💤💤💤

It's why babes want to be my squeeze; I'm a winner, that's their bets.👎😂😂😂

THE HIGH NOTES OF AMADEUS

I cannot sing one single, real high note,

That Amadeus Mozart ever wrote,

My voice is just too horse,

High notes hurt, of course,

So, I play cello, on those notes I float.

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MY BOOGER FANTASY

If I were a booger, I'd hide  up in a nose,

Then, when snot comes along, my bugger self, it grows,

I would hideout there, 

My host, unaware,

Then, when my host got sneezy, out the nose I blows.

AMADEOUS THE SKUNK

Amadeus the skunk left his scent in the air,
Everyone disliked it, but he seemed not to care,
One day while all alone,
Amadeus began to moan,
Pining for friends that just were not there.

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THE FOUR DIMENSIONAL GAMBLING PROJECT

I went to the moon, and fell down into a deep pit,

There I found an alien boxed, space-time, travel kit,

I traveled back to sports games

Bet some money on some names,

I won billions of dollars, now I'll rest for a bit.

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AWOKE IN THE WOODS: I'M BABY FOOD IN THOSE HOODS

I was cross-country skiing, when in some deep hole, I was downed,

I awoke a big grizzly bear, and up on her back feet, she bound,

She gave me a scare,

That grizz, mama bear,

But, the cute baby bear ate me, while mama bear held me down.

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TADPOLES GOT TALENT

Tadpoles, tadpoles swimming in my deep, muddy ditch,

Soon you'll be a choir, when in puberty you'll find your pitch,

But, at least all of you frogs,

Won't bark all night like dogs,

And, if you're pretty and sound real nice, you might even become rich.