THE CLOCK CHIMES FOR CHUBBY GRIMES

I have a little goldfish, and the goldfish smiles, right at me,

He sees me through his thick glass bowl, the water, and his cloud of pee,

My goldfish, I named him Grimes,

He looks for food, when the clock chimes,

My clock, it happens to chime a lot, so Crimes is a bit chubby. 

SORRY, THESE PEOPLE JUST AREN'T RIGHT, IN THE HEAD

A bat got into the farmhouse, and frightened the wives and kids,

Back behind the big sofa, that is where my family hids,

We are  backwoods talk and thinking folk,

So, I gave my shotgun trig, a stroke,

The winged demon was scared out a window, so he, I got rids.

THE OLD MAN AND THE ROO

There was an old man, who sat at the zoo,

He shared his dill pickles, with a humpback, kangaroo,

The kids got all scared,

When his teeth, the too bared,

The kids got double scared, when the old man bared is snaggled teeth too.

MY CROC, PUT HIS FACE IN THE POT, AND SMILED

Mommy intervened,  and she made me take a time-out nap, for a while,

Because I was feuding, using ball bats, with my pet, stuffed crocodile,

Call me chubby, and lazy,

But, my crock is so, crazy,

All night, his head was in the toilet, I pulled him out; he had a smile.

BASEMENT BOY III: THE OLD MAN IN THE BASEMENT

The old man down in his ma's basement, has been gaming, for well over fifty years,

He started beating neighbor kids on Nintendo, now it's internet kids, he smears,

Over decades, each challenger fell,

And, moved on to have a life, as well,

While the old man in the basement, is fulfilled by highest scores, and levels he clears.

DOOMSCROLLING WITH MY BROTHER

My big brother was doomscrolling all day long,

Brother was playing, some doomscrolling sad song,

It was a real catchy tune,

I started doomscrolling soon,

It felt good, to how the world had gone wrong.

NO MORE LUXURY FOODS

I use to eat chicken tacos, but I will not eat them anymore,

I can't afford chicken tacos, because of high prices at the store,

My financial recoup?

Fifty-cent ramen soup,

And, a glass of free ice water; oh my stars and garters, am I poor.

THE MUG OF A BUG

I told my barber, I'm not hugged, because my haircut is a big disgrace,

The barber looked me in my big eye, and said, the problem was in my face,

He said, you can't get a kiss, kiss hug,

With the the face of a beetle bug,

The barber sent me to his cousin, who has a plastic surgery place.

ROXXIE TEACHES THE LOUGHA HOOGHA, AT SUMMER CAMP

Roxxie The Red, got an up north summer job, as a councillor at Lake Tanganugha,

While swimming, Roxxie was attacked by a monster, a whale, like a giant beluga, 

The monster ate an arm, and swam away,

Roxxie grew a new arm, by the next day,

Then the campers and councillors came out to play, and they all danced the Lougha Hoogha.

THE DES MOINES GRAVE ROBBER

I took a metal detector, through a cemetery near Des Moines,

I got a hit from way deep down, that turned out to be a rare gold coin,

Then along came smirking cops,

They asked, "What you got there pops?",

I got arrested for robbing graves, which is a big kick in the groin.

I'M A POISONED SPIDER, AND MY JUICES FED THE BUG.

I use to be a spider, who hid back behind the door,

Then, someone got me with spider spray, and I am no more,

A bug sucked out my spider juice,

Ate my on web eggs, that hung loose,

I'm just an empty shell, of the spider I was before.

FROM RATS TO KANGAROOS

The frisky rat in my home, grew into a kangaroo,

It boxed me around and around, then it said, "I love you",

I almost called pest control,

But, found mercy in my soul,

Next day, all the rats in my home, were kangaroo sized, too.

A PIRATE DINGY

Tilly raised his pirate flag, above his dingy, that sat out on the bay,

When Tilly rowed toward a victim, they would lift up anchor, and drift away,

Tilly was not a great pirate skipper,

Never got loot;  some gave him canned kipper,

At night, you can still hear someone rowing, it's Tilly the pirate, some say.

THE SNAKE, THE LOAD AND THE CODE

Benny bought a python, so he could learn to write some computer code,

The python squeezed poor Benny so tight, Benny lost his big, colon load,

Our poor Benny, he did pass,

The snake died, from Benny gas,

Moral: When you squeeze someone way too hard, then poison gas may explode.

I ONCE WAS DOPE

I rode on my new tricycle, and everyone said, I was dope,

I rode it straight up a steep hill, when all others gave up, and lost hope,

The next side, I went down by design,

It was a drop off, didn't end so fine,

Now, it will take a year to mend bones, and with the pain, it's hard to cope.

THERE USE TO BE THESE THINGS

There use to be these mythical, strange things, that the wisest, called  books,

You would turn over a cover, and give the pages some close looks,

I was not prepared,

The words made me scarred,

But, I had to keep looking, because the ideas were like hooks.

WHAT BOOMER'S LIKED TO EAT

People were nicknamed "Boomer", because they ate only beans and cabbage,

Then every night at midnight, their bowels spewed something, smelling savage,

You could hear erupting power,

Some blasts required a shower,

I felt sorry for porcelain johns, their bowls, Boomer's sought to ravage.

MY BIG BROTHER, DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT MY BRAIN

I have neuronal degeneration, my older brother said,

In a few hours I'd suffer doom, and he'd get my water bed,

At first I felt dismay,

But, I didn't die that day,

My older brother plays these games, after he bops me in my head.

A HORNY FACE AND POVERTY, DOES NOT A WINNER MAKE

Why do so many suffer with a life of discourage?

Because success is based on looks and peerage,

If you are poor born,

Looks, face should have 2 horn,

Then you can never climb up from the steerage.

BOOMER TOWN

I entered a town, where everyone must be a Boomer,

You had to be at least 60, to become a rent roomer,

They play lame video games, all day,

At night, before tv screens, they stay,

One drove around a Corvette, at least that guy was a zoomer.

MY PARTICIPLE GOT GONGED

My home schooling mommy, said I was doing my participle, all wrong,

Mommy did not say what the problem was, she just banged my tin, toy gong,

Then she sent me straight to bed,

Without my teddy bear, Fred,

I hope she does not make me lay here, until my toe nails grow two feet long.