I WILL JOLLY ROGER YOU

Just to pay my rent and car payment, I have to work long and hard,

 I just can't make any minimum payment, on my bank, credit card,

My CC is for transport, and noodle food,

I steal my internet, from the next door dude,

Maybe I'll be a porch pirate, and Jolly Roger that dude's yard.

LARGE STAKEHOLDERS TRY TO FORCE ME TO RETIRE

I journeyed to the Carpathians to become a real vampire,

Ever since I was a new born, sucking fresh blood was a desire,

I drink down blood that's red,

I big burp after I'm fed,

I avoid people with wooden stakes, because they might make me retire.

FEEDING POOR KIDS POE

I was so darn hungry, I started eating fresh, fallen snow,

I flavored it with weed seeds, that didn't cause me poisoning, woe,

I flavored the kid's snow with lime juice,

Told them the the snow was magic goose,

Then I read to them "The Tell Tale Heart", by Edgar Allen Poe.

SUSTAINED BY THE EARTH AND SEA

I cannot afford eggs, but I got some egg shells for free,

They fell from a nest, underneath my weeping willow tree,

The egg shells were baby, sky blue,

The color excited my stew,

I flavored it with salt, harvested from the coral sea.

PRICE ANXIETY AT THE GROCERY STORE

I drove down to the grocery store, and walked through it twice,

Everything was too high priced, even the beans and rice,

I thought at least I could afford bread,

That was a fantasy in my head,

I couldn't afford any bread, if I bought it by the slice.

MY SCHOOL PAPER IS AN AI SUCCESS

My skill in writing papers is very ugly, a catastrophe, bad

My graded papers come back, with an emoji face that's eye bawling, sad,

I bought a paper wrote by AI,

It was so brilliant, I had to cry,

I received an A+, and teacher fan fuss, and my win made brainies mad.

EVIL UNDER THE BARN

There's a crawlspace underneath the old, stone barn,

Something bad lives there, and if it gets you, Darn!

It has sharp, smelly claws,

Big toothed laden, huge jaws.

The old beast creeps over a bed of hot skarn.

I DULLED MY HOOK ON A SALMON, AND THE CRAPPIE GOT AWAY

I lost another crappie fish, off my hook,

It was a sneaky fish, and my worm he took,

My rusty, old hook, ain't very sharp,

Because I used it, fishing for carp,

When I hooked a salmon, a great big Chinook.

THE DOUBLE HEADED EAGLE

There was a double headed eagle, that use to sit in my apple tree,

The eagle use to eat the apples, but the apple tree died, recently,

The two heads spotted every small worm,

The eagle liked to catch and make them squirm,

I loved to watch the eagle hunt worms, while I sipped my chamomile tea.

MURRAY THE GOAT COUGHED UP...

Murray ate everything, because he was a goat,

That is how Murray got a fur ball, stuck in his throat,

Murray had eaten a straw hat,

The hat was home to a big rat,

Murray coughed up a fur ball, and his owner's remote.

THE BEER GARDEN TROUT BLUES

Every time I catch a trout, it is too dinky, so I throw it back,

I want to catch a large keeper, so I can give its head a big rock whack,

My big eyes shed tavern tears,

While nursing my bar tab beers,

I wish I could have fish to fry, once I track home to my shack.

ELYSIUM LIVES IN MY CHICKEN COUP

My  bestest friend Elysium, went to take a withdrawal from their bank,

Elysium lost all of their money, because the bank was in the tank,

The bank made zero credit, mortgage loans,

Invested in refurbished, flip flop phones, 

Broke, Elysium moved into my chicken coup, although the smell is rank.

LEONARDO IN MY TREE

I saw Leonardo da Vinci sitting in my dead, apple tree,

He was painting an unflattering oily portrait of little me,

I told him his painting stops,

Or I was calling up cops,

Leo ran down to the boat yard, but six cops tackled him by the sea..

APOCALYPSE HUNTER

Although they're easy to catch protein, do not eat too many rats,

They will give you big gas bubbles, and their meats are full of bad fats,

I eat rats five times each week,

Then other vermin, I seek,

Sometimes I will eat bird, if I find them before, the feral cats.

AN EGG SUBSTITUTION GONE BAD

I was going to bake my kid a nice birthday cake,

But the supermarket had no eggs, for me to take,

I subs some baking soda,

It choked my kid named, Rhoda,

When can I get some fresh, laid eggs, oh, for goodness sake?

INVESTOR WORRY AND DREAD

I invested heavily in hot stocks,

I also bought some gold and silver rocks,

I fretted my brain away,

Until the end of the day,

Always looking at the movement of clocks.

BLOWDART SEASON FOR DINOSAURS

I went hunting real dinosaurs, but I did not see a one,

You can only hunt them using a dinosaur, blowdart gun,

You have to hit them in the heart,

With a fresh poisoned, blowdart

If your dart misses the heart, then you had better start to run.

POEM OF THE SPACEMAN

I am so stuck on this planet, earth,

Been stuck here since my mother gave birth,

It is:  on earth born, on earth bury,

Yet, I feel interplanetary,

Peasants deserve earth; it's space I'm worth.

KING ONLINE

I got an online notice from my king,

Seems I've been saying the wrong kind of thing,

He said I'd better speak nice,

I should heed his advice,

Or in the prison choir I will sing.

THE SAND HILL OF BEETLES, SEEDS AND BABIES

I am a little orange beetle, climbing up a sandy hill,

I am crunching on some little seeds; can't seem to get my fill,

Once at the top,

I will not stop,

I'll eat down the other side; maybe I'll mate, and have a thrill 

BEAR BABIES AND LOVE

I had a gigantic, stuffed panda bear, named Sammy,

He married my cute, stuffed koala bear, named Tammy,

They had an alpha cub,

His name was Bubba Bub,

Bubba married a polar bear, her name was Pammy.

TRINA WENT TO CANADA

Trina went to Canada, to buy herself some maple candy,

Trina bought a Canada cap, for her dear, big sister, Sandy,

Trina flew across the Meridian,

Because she is a real Floridian,

Trina made it home by noon, to open her bottle of brandy.