WHEN YOU HEAR A JEEP BEEP FROM BEHIND

Junior Otto has a little old jeep,

Up the hill it will very, slowly creep,

A couple of takes,

The jeep has no brakes,

Going downhill, Junior relies on his beep.

THE LIMERICK OF A RELATIONSHIP FOOL

I have limitations and those limitations are quite vast,

Most come from my great ignorance, cultivated in my past,

Captive in love of cutie Kim,

Serving dear Kim, whim after whim,

But once we were newly married, my Kim's love became hate, real fast.

THE LOVE LIMERICK

I fell in love with a new sweetie,

We met while online going tweety,

We tweeted like birds,

With love-dovey words,

Perhaps real soon we will meety.

BAD DOG

My swollen eyeballs popped out of my head,

They were ate by my hound doggy, named Fred,

Fred's mouth gave out a loud burp,

His backside whimpered a chirp,

Such a bad day, so I went back to bed.

OTTO AND HIS LITTLE CAR, AND THE DEALERSHIP

Otto bought a brand new car, but it wasn't nearly big enough,

When Otto went to the grocery store, he didn't have room for stuff,

He had food for just half his kids,

The others had to hit the skids,

Otto tried taking back his car, but the dealer was mean and tough.

I'M A SCHOLAR WITH A DOLLAR AND BUGS

I felt rich when I found in my wallet, a dollar,

I felt smart when I read me a book, a scholar,

I still felt so defeated,

When everyone tweeted,

That like a dog, I needed an tick and flea collar.

I LOST MY JOB IN AEROSPACE

My boss kicked me hard, down the unemployment path,

Because my employer required I do math,

But not too long out the door,

I got work moping a floor,

On weekends at the zoo, I scrub down the giraffe.

THE GARY PAIR

Gary the dentist and Gary the house fly,

Roomed together in a townhouse in the sky,

Once Dr. Gary copped a tude,

So flying Gary got rude,

He pooped on the fresh eggs, Dr. Gary did fry.

HOMEMADE ROOT BEER SAMPLES

I dug up some tree roots to make some root beer,

It didn't taste too good, and my belly felt queer,

I got foam on my clothes,

When it ran from my nose,

If you're on the porcelain throne, please get clear.

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

My neighbors were setting off holiday crackers,

The crackers sounded like cannon blast attackers,

One hit my shingled, tar roof,

Caused a fire that went poof,

I'm short a house, and eat donated cheese snackers.