TOBOGGAN RIDE, WHEN BUDDIES CRY

My bestest buddy and I went for a toboggan, downhill ride,

I could feel right away, the cold, crispy air, singe my facial hide,

We went really fast,

The ride did not last,

We missed a tree, but the toboggan flipped over; it hurt, we cried.

BIG SNOW COST DOE, AND WALT HATES ME

My small bank account is shrinking because of the big, heavy snow,

It cost me big money for snow plowing, and my savings grows low,

My father-in-law, Walt,

Thinks the snow is my fault,

Meantime, I look out the window, and suffer spiritual woe.

POPCORN PETS, HUH?

My kid popcorned his dead guppies, because I forbade him snacks to eat,

I don't see how guppies in a popcorn popper, is a tasty treat,

The kid's not right in the head,

Enough about him, I've said,

Though, he often walks using his hands, and works remotes with his bare feet.

MY HEALTHY CHOICES: SOY BURGERS AND BACON GREASE

I thought that I was being a really good diet boy,

I ate only burgers that were made out of common soy,

But, my life change diet was handcuffed,

I ate burgers until I was stuffed,

I like to fry them in bacon grease and sea salt, ahoy! 

THE POLAR VORTEX

The Polar Vortex has frozen my ginger beer,

Frostbite has taken my left nostril and right ear,

Whirling snow blows around,

Hits my face pound, pound, pound,

And, a huge road grader has snuck up from the rear.

THE DANGERS OF A TRICYCLE

Ned fell off his adult tricycle, and he hurt his big knee,

Ned went to the adult hospital, and paid an adult fee,

Ned took out a small home loan,

Over his brand new iPhone,

Ned fell asleep triking back home, and he ran into a tree.

VAMPIRE STAKED

Vivian, the immortal vampire, who lives next door,

Used his fangs, drank my blood, now my neck has a big, fang, sore,

I stabbed him with a steak,

But, made a big mistake,

The steak should be wooden, not beef steak from the local store.

RETAIL IS DETAIL; IT HELPS IF YOU ARE BANANAS

I use to clerk in a produce store, and I cut and cleaned the lettuce, good,

Next, I placed the lettuce in the display case, stacked exactly, as it should,

I stacked the apples on a table,

Faced out the variety label,

I stacked bananas, and marked down over ripe ones, for making breads and pud.

MY MORAL DILEMMA: BURGS OR THE HAPPINESS OF COWS

I always have the chewing and eating of beef burgs, on my brain,

I feel that cattle are my victims; it's brain farts for the insane,

Why for cattle rights, I should care?,

Is a race memory, wiped bare?,

I'll continue eating cattle; wish them a good life with no pain.

CURSE OF THE WICK-A-DEE WITCH

 A mean, mangy, sick-a-dee, wick-a-dee, nasty, creepy witch,

Cast a vindictive spell upon me, that made my toenails itch,

When wearing socks and shoes,

Itchy toenails? You lose,

My wish is that her nice clean broom, crash lands in a deep, wet ditch.