LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
bad
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
bad
.
Show all posts
Saturday, April 6, 2024
MY ZAG AND MY ZIG AND MY JAZZ HARP GIG
I agreed with the highway when I made the zig,
I am afraid my zag was a mile too big,
My jeep made a fast roll,
I split body from soul,
I now play funky harp, when I get a jazz gig.
12321
Wednesday, April 3, 2024
THE PARTY PIG AND THE PIE
Jon took his two favorite fingers, and stuck them deep in the pie,
Someone caught him committing the crime, with their big green watery eye,
Jon dripped cherry filling on his clothes
Then someone popped him in the nose,
They said he was a disgusting pig, and he'd better go bye, bye.
Tuesday, April 2, 2024
TRIPPING BOARD ON MARS
I snuck onboard a counting down spaceship, that was heading into space,
I didn't know where I was going, but I knew it was a better place,
The spaceship took me up to Mars,
Where there's no pop or candy bars,
The only thing there is to do on Mars, is walk back and forth, and pace.
Friday, March 22, 2024
LEE'S LINCOLN LOGS
I found some big logs left by my neighbor, Lee Lincoln,
He piled them a week ago, now they are stinkin',
It is not a real surprise,
He who touches the logs, dies,
If you get close to the logs, your eyes will start blinkin'.
Thursday, March 7, 2024
DINOSAURS DO NOT MAKE GOOD PETS (A CAUTIONARY TALE)
I went back in time to get a baby pet dinosaur,
I brought back an egg, and thought I had made quite a score,
My dino pet grew gigantic,
Ate all my groceries, became frantic,
He then chewed and swallowed me, because he wanted more.
PP05092022
Tuesday, March 5, 2024
RECKONING BY THE ELVES
My kitty likes to tear, rip and shred, elves into small parts,
So on Christmas Day, we just get one wrapped box, full of farts,
Real bad it makes us feel,
It ruins our Christmas meal,
So we go to the store, and play race with shopping carts.
Saturday, March 2, 2024
TOO SOON FOR ITCHY SKIN
I got bit by three gigantic skeeters today,
It's March; skeeters shouldn't be out until late in May,
Now, I am all itchy,
My tude has been witchy,
I need itch ointment, or I'll scratch my skin away.
3224
Tuesday, February 20, 2024
PIT AND THE GIT
Donny was a really mean, awful git,
Donny had a big bulldog, he called Pit,
Donny teased him with meat,
But wouldn't let poor Pit eat,
Pit bit off Donny's buns, now he can't sit.
ZOOM DOCTORS DECIDE
I met with four crazy doctors on the Zoom,
They discussed the condition causing my gloom,
They said don't bother to retire,
For I was about to expire,
They said I should contemplate my pending doom.
22024
Tuesday, February 13, 2024
THE SNOW IS WOE LIMERICK
I don't like November snow,
It traps my car, so I can't go,
Will I get food, I do not know,
The cold hurts, I feel woe,
I hired someone for a driveway blow.
22123
Wednesday, January 24, 2024
MY PET DINOSAUR PART6 (TONES, SCONES AND BONES)
I had a big pet dinosaur, and he loved my homemade scones,
He would eat them by the thousands, and made loud lip smacking tones,
One day when he went outside to play,
I burned the scones, and threw them away,
My unhappy, hungry dino, then chewed on the neighbor's bones.
Tuesday, January 2, 2024
I FINGERED SOMEONE
Someone was picking their nose,
And, wiping it allover their clothes,
Mama got mad,
Nose picker got sad,
I told everyone, and that added to woes.
Sunday, December 24, 2023
I BLAME MY BROTHER
Those little elves have been spying for Santa Claus,
I haven't been good, so this years presents might pause,
I think it wise,
Not to apologise,
I'll blame my brother for the bad things I cause.
P2121122
Saturday, December 23, 2023
THE LITTLE SUMMER BOY
I hate all the winter, it comes with a terrible steep cost,
All it does is blow and snow, and covers eyeballs with the frost,
The cold aches down in my bones,
And, I lose my suntan tones,
By the time old winter ends, I will be feeling all is lost.
Wednesday, December 13, 2023
I SHAVED MY HEAD AND GOT TO THE POINT
I shaved my head and found a point on the top,
I inherited my point from my mother's side grandpop,
Now, all the time I get teased,
I'm not at all pleased,
When my hair grows out will it stop?
TROUBLED TIMMONS NEEDS A TOOTH FAIRY
Troubled Timmons is a snot,
When he is just a big old tot,
He is often mean,
And, his language, unclean,
He will not brush and mouth is rot.
Thursday, November 9, 2023
I DON'T LIKE BEING GREASY LIKE GRACE
The butter spray exploded into my face,
Now I'm all greasy, like my kid sister, Grace,
She greased her hair,
And, eats like a bear,
I wish she would move out, and get her own place.
Friday, November 3, 2023
WOLVES AREN'T BAD, BUT THEIR TEETH MAKE ME SAD
The big bad wolf chased me across the football field,
He wanted to catch, and eat me, but I wouldn't yield,
I knew he would soon start to eat,
When I felt his breath on my feet,
Then his teeth pierced my throat, and so my fate was sealed.
Tuesday, October 24, 2023
THE ITCH
The doctor put a patch on top of my eye,
Because I would itch it until I would cry,
Then I itched the top of my head,
Until my hair turned bright red,
The doctor told me to stop, or I'd die.
Saturday, October 21, 2023
WHAT STICKS IT ALL TOGETHER
My latest four cheese homemade pizza, lies in the garbage bin,
Everyone said it was a vile thing, that wreaks of sin,
I made the pizza from stew,
Of course, I had to use glue,
At least it held together, so I give my effort a win.
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