THE STREET ECONOMY

I went deep diving in a mini mall dumpster, to find a pair of shoes,

I had a nice matching red pair, but someone stole them when I took a snooze,

The dumpster was a smelly mess,

I didn't find shoes, but found a dress,

I traded the dress for a pair of boots, and a can of malt liquor booze.

I DRIVE HUNT FOR SQUIRRELS AND OTHER BEASTS

I just love paying high gasoline prices, I love paying them a lot,

I had to move my family to a tent, where our toilet is a pot,

At least we have modest wheels,

So we can drive hunt our meals,

I just wish that a rabbit, squirrel or a bear would stand still, in one spot.

BANJO BOB AND THE DARLENES: A GHOST BAND

The spirit legend says, Banjo Bob And The Darlenes, still perform,

In Marquette, Michigan, during every deadly, cold, snow storm,

They're a hillbilly, punk, jazz band,

They never take a moral stand,

They froze to death on their bus in '88;  they failed to stay warm.

THE BELLY ACHER

I got very poisoned by some salmonella,

 from my neighbor's garden dates, 

My stomach feels like it has in it a gorilla, dancing while lifting weights,

My evening was trashed,

Finally, I just crashed,

From now on, produce from my neighbor's garden, has become one of my true hates,

BEARS LIKE THE FLAVOR OF LOLLIPOPS: WHO KNEW?

I climbed up a steep hill to see what was on top,

All that was there was a big bear, singing hip hop,

He stopped singing when he saw me,

Asked me if I could ever be,

Tasty like  pork chops, flavored with a lollipop. 

I WRITE ETUDES FOR DUDES

I took some time to write some trumpet etudes,

They are used for practice by trumpeter dudes,

Separating men from boys,

They sounded like noise,

As controversial as museum art nudes. 

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MAMA'S TULIPS AND DADDY'S CORN

Mama raised her tulips, and daddy raised his sweet corn,

That's the type of family, that little me was born,

We ate corn in our pudding,

We ate corn in our pork stew,

Mamma set fresh tulips on the table, to adorn.

LEAN-TO LIVING

I built me a lean-to, leaning into a big oak tree,

I used big pieces of metal, I picked them up for free,

A big fire makes it warm,

There is damage in a storm,

After a storm, one must rake the floor, to clear out debris. 

I KNEW A BANJO PLAYER NAMED CLAY

I knew a banjo player named Clay,
And, boy could that hillbilly play,
From Mozart to Bach,
From Bluegrass to rock,
His music had something to say.

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MY GIRLFRIEND DUMPED ME BECAUSE...

My girlfriend just got home from the hospital, and boy was she mad,

She said I should have stayed with her, when she was so puking sick and sad,

I said," sweet honey, what could I do? 

I didn't want to catch your nasty flu,

She kicked me out of her house that night; I guess we're through, who cares, my bad.

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THE ROBOT IS THE WINNER

I got in a street fight with a modern robot, and I did not do so well,

He was an expert at kickboxing, his foot in my face was how I could tell,

He was well built and strong,

The fight didn't last too long,

He did carry me to the hospital; we became close friends; his name is Mel.

JIMMY AND HIS HARD TIMES

Jimmy sold his red blood to buy some toilet paper, that's how bad things are,

Jimmy lost his cheap apartment, and sleeps with snakes in an abandoned car,

Jimmy is disappointed,

He feels employer exploited,

Jimmy works eighty hours each week, to earn pennies for his savings jar.

MY BIRDS ARE ALL BONES

I could not afford to raise chickens to eat, so I raised some chickadees,

Chickadees have almost no flesh to eat; their boney breast, just a meat tease,

I decided just the eggs, I'd eat,

Just a drop of protein was the treat,

Next year I am gonna sell all my birds, and replace them with honey bees.

MY DINGBAT SINGS

Someone gave me a cute dingbat, gave it to me, totally free,

It flies around my apartment, while singing, "ding ding, ding, ding, dee", 

He eats all of the flies, 

He poops, but the poop dries,

I hung a bat house on the wall, so my dingbat can go sleepy.

SPELL OF THE NEWT

I took the tiny eyes from a newt, then that newt could not see,

Then that blind, angry, old newt, put an evil curse upon me,

I was making a love potion,

I was full of love emotion,

The nasty newt turned me into a docile, diseased tree.

THE GROCERY APOCALYPSE

The grocery prices are so high; it is bad, not good,

Neighbors are now cannibals; it is not safe in my hood,

The bugs under my door,

Are my only food store,

I've sent the wife out to a stump; there's termites in the wood.

THE RIVER BATTLE FOR STEEL

Fishing steelhead on the river, right at the cusp of the winter-spring,

There's snow on the ground and that river sound, attractive, that is the thing, 

To battle the big fish,

A true sportsman's big wish,

No matter how the battle goes, it's about the fight the steelhead brings.

WINTER SLEEP OR FINAL SLEEP

We blogged about the winter, and we blogged about the deep snow,

We blogged about the sunny places, we can't afford to go,

It is now time for the winter creep,

We just sit, and freeze and take a weep,

We'll soon freeze, pass out, and wake up in the spring? I Do not know.

I GRABBED TOO MANY FREE HOLES, AND THEY SENT ME TO JAIL

I am a tired, poor, dumb, miserable, wretched, starving slob,

I went to the store for free samples, I had no money, no job,

Doughnut holes were signed "One Free Sample",

I grabbed a handful; they had ample,

I was presently arrested, they called my hole grab, a big rob.

COMMERCIAL ROADKILL AND THE WINDOW

The Overton Window has moved abruptly, once again,

People accept the potted roadkill, I sell in a tin,

My marketing was perfect, right,

People spend less, when money's tight,

Increased poverty is an entrepreneurial win.

CABBAGE PIRATES

I come from an evil family of absolute savages,

All my kinfolk pillage farm fields for firm feeling, cabbages,

We ferment them for kraut,

That is what we're about,

Then it's on to the chicken coup, for cage-free egg, ravages.

THE GREAT TECH BACKSLIDE

The new gravity toilets, are really just a common pail,

You dump them out a window, and gravity will never fail,

Once we could afford the nice, flushing kind,

From technology, we're forced to unwind,

We'll get back on our electrics, when money becomes avail.

LIFESTYLE CHANGES FOR SENIORS

My parents called me, and announced they had become little furries,

They said they had a giant litter box, so there were no worries,

I won't go to their house,

With my kids and my spouse,

Until I understand their lifestyles, still out are the juries.