ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT MISSED SPORTS EVENT

I thought I'd watch some hockey

But, I passed out drinking sake,

It was real late on my tic tocky,

So, I poured some scotch on some cold rocky,

Then, played some recordings of Sebastian Bachy.

SPRING SNOW AND THE PRIMROSE

I wondered where all of my primroses went,

They were under the snow some demon had sent,

Perhaps under my toes,

I crushed my yellow primrose,

Spring snow gives me reason to vent.

MY CHIN HURTS AND I SMELL, ALLEGEDLY

I think I hurt my little chin,

When I got smacked by the 1st violin,

Little Edith Bower,

Told me to shower,

And, if I didn't quit sticking she'd hit me again.

THERE WAS A CRAWDAD NAMED CLAUD

There once was a crawdad named Claude,
His claws were overly broad,
If you gave him one inch,
That's just what he'd pinch,
And, off that inch his claw sawed.

THE SPRING OF DECAY

Spring is here and there's mold on my bread,

The flies are breeding, maggots are fat and well fed,

My food all rots away,

It's all in a state of decay,

At least the food I found under my bed.

WHY SPRING CLEANING?

There are bugs in the carpet and nasty wasps on the wing,

Spider webs are so many that moving air makes them sing,

The dust is so thick,

Every breath makes me sick,

That's why I clean house every spring.

I REPORTED MY SNOWMAN MISSING

My snowman is missing and nobody cares,

He may have been eaten by cougars or bears,

I reported that he disappeared,

The officer said it wasn't weird,

"Many snowmen are giving friends scares." 

PAM SAW A PIZZA FACE DOWN IN THE STREET-Limerick

Pam saw a pizza face down in the street,
She figured the Pizza was still good to eat,
She didn't mind the bugs,
Or, slimy old slugs,
She got so sick she couldn't stand on her feet.

PICKERS FOUND THE LEPRECHAUN'S GOLD

The poor little Leprechaun was feeling real bad,
For he lost all of his gold and that was so sad,
Then, while watching the antique show Pickers,
He soiled his knickers,
For his gold was the best pick that they had.

 
 
The poor antique show pickers are feeling real bad,
They found the Leprechaun's gold and he got real mad,
They got a pain-in-the-back curse,
And, what was even much worse,
The gold was not solid just clad. 

 

CHEERS TO GRANDMA FLOSSIE HELEN MURPHY ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY

They came in ships from across the sea,
They joined into my family tree,
From County Cork on the Irish Isle,
They brought to America their Irish style,

And, every year I raise a glass,
To the Irish ghosts of kin I pass,
So, to Grandma Murphy I say cheers,
And, God willing I will for many years.

THE IDES OF MARCH: A TIME TO FEAR

The Ides Of March is a time to fear,
The warming weather skunks my beer,
The softening of the swampy land,
Prepares great traps of quickened sand,

I do not embrace the Ides as dear,
They come each month year after year,
And, on the Ides I am a sleeper,
Thus, I avoid dear Caesar's reaper.

WHAT TO DO ON THE IDES

What to to in March on the Ides?

Unlike Caesar, one runs and one hides,

But, some on this date,

Drink up and celebrate,

That is, if you're lucky at picking best sides.

HILDA BAKED A PIN CHERRY PIE

Hilda baked a pin cherry pie,
She forgot sugar and the tartness makes me cry,
And, if I eat more than one piece,
I fear I'll give up life's lease,
When, my face puckers so tight that I die.

10 AND/OR 8 AVENGED CASESAR

Caesar had a really bad day

He was a war hero but became a fillet,

For the Cleopatra affair,

Gave the Roman Senate a scare,

But, Augustus made the assassins all pay.