NEIGHBORS CAME TO DINNER

My pot of stew fell off the counter, and spread all sloppy across the floor,

Then an invading army of cockroaches, came in under the front door,

Sweep, Sweep, zoom, zoom,

I used the broom,

I could not stop the cockroaches, because they kept on coming, more, more, more.

I'M A SCHOLAR WITH A DOLLAR AND BUGS

I felt rich when I found in my wallet, a dollar,

I felt smart when I read me a book, a scholar,

I still felt so defeated,

When everyone tweeted,

That like a dog, I needed an tick and flea collar.

INFESTATION WITH DIGNITY

I sued for peace the mean, itchy, hungry head lice,

My last offer gave to them, a real good entice,

So that I can get some sleep,

And my crap job I can keep,

They'll eat my scalp all day, at night they must be nice.

CONTAMINATED GROCERIES, NOW MY CLOTHES MIGHT FIT

Bugs have laid eggs in my food, because my windows have no screens,

That is why I have those maggots, swimming in my pork and beans,

There is a fuzzy worm,

He's chewing my wheat germ,

Maybe I should just diet, at least I'll fit my skinny jeans.

LIVING IN MICHIGAN IS A BUGGER

I live in Michigan, we have zillions of bugs

They eat into your eyeballs, you share them, with hugs,

Bugs poop on your pans and dishes,

They attack your cute goldfishes,

You'!l even drink a few, in your rootbeer chug-a-lugs. 

WHY I HIT MYSELF SO HARD, MY BRAIN AIN'T RIGHT.

In the latest, late of dark night,

From an earwig, I got a bite,

The evil dear,

Was in my ear,

I slapped my ear, with all my might.

BETTER TO HAVE BUG TURDS THAN SLIME

I found a grotesque, giant, slimy slug,

Crawling across my nice clean, new, white rug,

I think it a bad crime,

For a slug to spread slime,

Far nastier than a turd spreading bug.

PET REINCARNATION: A BEAUTIFUL THING

My poor little pet mosquito, named Ron,

He got squished flat, and became living, non,

His new mosquito ghost,

Found another live host,

In the body of a cockroach, named Don. 

THEY USED THEIR TONGUE TO LICK MY CHERRIES

On this very nice day, I went out cherry picking,

I found all the cherries, bugs were buggy tongue licking,

That made me feel sick,

I went home really quick,

The image of bugs licking the fruit, is still sticking.

THE PROBLEM WITH MY ROOMMATE

I once had a problem, his name was Sid,

Sid was a bedbug, I could not get rid,

Sid would hold me real tight,

And would bite me all night,

Then early next morning, Sidney got hid.

THE CHURCH MOUSE ATTACK

The mouse fell from the church ceiling onto my back,

It squeaked really loud, and gave a big heart attack,

I got whisked straight away,

For a hospital stay,

Although, funds and health insurance, I sadly lack.

THE CORN EATING DRAGON

A dragon ate every ear of corn in each field,

That greatly reduced the gross domestic cornfield yield,

We sent him a kind letter,

Asked that he behave better,

It was to his better dragon angels, we appealed.

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TERMITES AND ME

Something bad happened to my wood deck,
This spring it all fell all to heck,
On the problem I set sights,
And, found ten billion termites,
Next, my wood house crashed down in a wreck. 

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THE WILL OF THE MOUSE

The mouse was stuck on the old glue trap,

He squeaked and squeaked and said, "Drat, Drat,"

But, his will kept him yanking,

And, his little feet cranking,

He freed himself, but was ate by the cat.

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THE BUG ZAPPER OF TEARS

I had a small pet bug named Larry, he just learned how to fly,

He flew into a bug zapper, and that's where he learned to die,

I keep losing all my bug pets,

The bug zapper has no regrets,

Larry is just a pile of dust; I ask the zapper, "why".

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COCKROACH SUPERSIZED

I find a stinky cockroach in my clothes,

The more I spray him, the bigger he grows,

I go get a net,

He grows bigger, yet,

We're standing eye to eye, and toe to toes.

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TURDS, NO WORDS, HOT TEA AND BIRDS

I got out my teacup, and in it were ten black mousey turds,

I needed drink for sup, and the little turds overtook all words,

I bleached out my soiled cup,

Had it lick cleaned by my pup,

Then I made real hot tea, and ate a can of roast chicken birds.

BARRY OWNS A BEASTIE

Barry owns a beastie and Barry named him Little Lee,

Barry found Little Lee in the swamps, eating tic and flea,

Do not know where to begin,

Barry now has clean, nice skin,

The beastie keeps Barry clean;  clings to Barry like a tree.

THE BIG PEEPER BUGS

I woke up from the world of nighttime sleepers,

Just to see several dozen tiny creepers,

They were a green bug,

That crawled out of my rug,

They looked up at my face, with cute, big, black peepers.

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THE LURKING COYOTE AND PAUL

There's a coyote lurking in my barn,

He ate a very skinny rat, oh darn,

The rat was called Paul,

He lived in a stall,

Paul made a nest for his babies, with yarn.