RUPERT THE TOE WITH A GLOW

There was a little Rupert, and he was completely made of toe,

And everywhere that Rupert went, the foot felt it had to go,

Rupert was the big toe on the foot,

He had a seed wart with a root,

He kept his toe nail painted, with gold polish that would glow.

RAINBOWS, CLOWNS AND SODA BURPS

A rainbow got real close to the ground,

It's vibration made a humming sound,

The humming made my mind go clown,,

 I quickly drank my soda down,

Drinking soda causes burps, I found.

THE NUT HOARDER

There once was this squirrel, his name was Russel,

He worked really hard, that squirrel could hustle,

He hoarded nuts in nut season,

Building wealth was his reason,

But he lost his nuts to a bear in a tussle.

SPIDERMAN RING, DOESN'T BRING ZING.

I went to parties and brought to them zing,

Because I wore lots of solid gold bling,

But all my gold got stole,

From my bedroom bling bowl,

All they left was my plastic Spidie ring.

FRIDAY NIGHT: SHOES, CHAINSAWS AND BEER

Some shoes bend left, some shoes bend right,

Shoes hurt like a chainsaw, if too tight,

My toes come in twos,

To fit left-right shoes,

Shoes take me out for beer and a bite. 

MY UNIVERSE IS MADE UP OF STRINGS

My entire universe consists of strings,

I put strings on fiddles and banjos and things,

I run string for cloths lines,

I string tie-up grape vines,

I even string gold, and make jewelry that blings.

MY DECOMPOSING POEM

When I was laying deep down in the ground,

Many thousands of earthworms came around,

Then the maggots hatched out,

They squirmed all about,

Soon not a trace of me was left to be found.

VONNY FISH WITH BONNETS ON PUMPERNICKEL BREAD

I caught buckets full of Vonny fish, with bonnets on their heads, 

They taste great on a sandwich, made with pumpernickel breads,

Then with cheese and tartar sauce,

I teach the fish, who's boss,

And that's how I earned, my chef fish preparer creds.

WEIRD SCIENCE TODAY (TIN FOIL HAT LIMERICKS)

I drank contaminated tap water, and got sick as a dog,

Then I turned into a girly frog,

In a pond by some trees,

I laid my babies,

They're camouflaged as pond scum, under a log. 🐸

SKEETERS

I've never seen so many big skeeters,

Some of them are as long as eight meters,

Why they grow so darn big,

No scientist can fig,

We must stop them, for the human race teeters.

THE SCRAPER OF TERROR

I moved into a skyscraper that scraped across the sky,

It swayed, and it was scary, and I started to cry,

Then the lightening gave a peal,

And I thought it a comforting deal,

I went to bed humming Brahms' Lullaby.

COHABITATION? NOT FOR PIGS AND FISH

I decided to raise fish in the ponds on my farm,

I figured it couldn't do anyone any harm,

But a catfish got so big,

He swallowed my prize pig,

That's when raising fish lost its charm.

THE PIG GOT HIS RIGHTS, NOW MY DIGS CRUMBLE DOWN

I decided to fix up my crumbling digs,

By making money raising razor back pigs,

But one pig was no fool,

He sued to attend school,

Now he's a professor, lecturing between cigs.

DON'T FEED THE BEARS, ESPECIALLY YOUR HUMAN PARTS

When you see a bear, I know you'll have to stroke his nose,

But don't be afraid, when it seems his sharp teeth grows,

When you walk away from the bear, do not feel alarm,

Just because you may notice, you are missing half your arm,

Being friendly with a bear, will lead to tears,and woes.

IN THE FOREST OF THE BEARS

I wanted candy cigarettes but could find none, anywheres,

Then I heard tell those cigs were kept by two old woodsy bears,

At their cabin in the deep woods,

I found my candy cigarette goods,

They invited me for dinner and we ate piggies cooked real rares.

THE VAMPIRE WHO WANTED TO BE REGULAR

I once knew a vampire, who mixed his blood with prune juice,

He said that he did it, to keep his bowels loose,

He said in year 607,

He got tossed out of heaven,

And permanently injured his caboose. 

THE COUGAR LIKED HER S'MORES

Katy was a mountain lion, who really loved to eat,

She only snacked on campers, because campers are so sweet,

Katy would eat the campers down to their cores,

For campers taste like stacks of s'mores,

Katy left plenty for her baby lions, so they could get a treat.