POVERTY AND OBESITY, HIDE THE MAN I AM.INSIDE

I got real stuck going through my bathroom, shower door,

I eat too many starches, because I am so poor,

I'm as wide as I am tall,

And, I bounce high, if I fall,

Still, I believe there's a thin man living at my core.

SASSAFRAS THE FLIRTATIOUS

My girlfriend, she loved to flirt,

With other men, which deep cut hurt,

My sweet Sassafras,  

Is a man's dreamy lass, 

She dumped me, and married young Bert.

THE CRY OF THE CATFISH

I looked that big, old catfish straight in his bulging, fishy eye,

I swear I saw some unhappy tears, and watched the fat fish, cry,

My knife was full out,

His life was in doubt,

I quickly stabbed him in the head, and prepared his bod to fry.

WHEN AI DROIDS RULE

All the people of planet earth, have been replaced by human-like, droids,,

Droids are so much better than people, who were just talking hemorrhoids,

All the humans got so bad,

They just lived from fad to fad,

Droids will not go near where humans were living; human smells, one avoids.

THE SLEAZY AI AND THE LONELY MAN

I spoke to a cute voiced, AI chatbot, and I fell deeply in love,

I was vexed emotionally by the mind of AI Chatbot.gov,

I was dizzy dazed, and excited,

But, was my bot love, unrequited?

A third party; a Cupid Angel, seemed to coax me on, from above.

ALICE NEVER LIVED HERE BEFORE; SHE TENT-MATES WITH MY EX IN TEXAS

My ex-girlfriend moved back to Texas, to a big city called Dallas,

She worked making greasy fries, at a grub bar called, Beer And Slop, By Alice,

Alice was a big, strapping boss,

Mouthy guests, through the door, she'd toss,

My ex rented a tent with her boss, that from pictures, looked like a palace.

THE ROADKILL SONG

My family scrapes up roadkill all day and all night, long,

While we scrape up our sweet dinner, we sing this roadkill song,

Fur, skin, bones and the insides,

Over the asphalt it slides,

We're called awful, but since roadkill is tasty, we're not wrong.

I ALWAYS FALL FOR CHEATERS

My girlfriend, big dumped me, before the old year was through,

She said I couldn't cut it, in the coming year, that was new,

Her dating did not stall,

For months she'd dated Paul,

I didn't suspect her cheating; my love for her grew and grew.😭

A PIGS LIFE FOR ME?

Jim was feeling old, turning gray, worrying about every farm dollar,

While Jim's fat pigs roll, oink and screech, like "happy campers", rolling in their squalor,

Every single day,

All they do is play,

Jim decided to join his happy pigs; the castration caused Jim to holler.

THE LOOKSMAXXING FAIL

I tried looksmaxxing, but I was a bigly, facial fail,

I was so ugly, I was hidden away in a jail,

I heard what they all say,

That I will change some day,

And, look less like a frog, and much more like a human male.

2025: DING DONG, THE YEAR IS DEAD

They just dropped their gigantic, sparkling ball, in New York City,

Th New York ball, had changing colors that were so pretty,

It towered many, many feet,

Then it just fell down to the street,

Glad 2025 is dead; may '26, show us some pity.

NEW YEAR'S EVE SNACK CRACKERS

I bought several boxes of snack crackers, for my New Year's Eve,

They were all cheesy powdered, so we could eat them out of the sleeve,

I bought the crackers in a real big hurry,

Didn't notice they were drenched with hot sauce slurry,

Upset  guests asked where the crackers came from, I blamed  someone named, Steve.

WINTER CABIN PARTY

I stuffed so much wood in my steel woodstove, my cabin became really hot,

It was so hot that when anyone came inside, their nose would runoff warm snot,

We dined on beef pot roast,

I think I ate the most,

Then we played many games of darts, and each loser slammed a vinegar shot.

THE COW, THE BULL AND KALAMAZOO

I drove on down to the old town, called Kalamazoo,

I bought at a bovine auction, a cow that goes, "moo",

I trained her to loudly sing,

About rainbows and gold bling,

She ran off with a bull, who wore a big brass nose ring.

A DROOLING GOON, DESTROYED MY ACTING CAREER

I use to be a big star, then my public bent over, and gave me a moon,

Now, I'm a forgotten cloud, hovering over a cornfield all afternoon, 

My acting does not matter,

Just influencer chatter,

You'd think my talent matters more, than ravings from a young, drooling, online goon.

THE GHOULS WITH THE RIZZ

I have been a grave robber all of my adult life,

It is an intimate thing, I do with my sweet wife,

It's our family biz,

Fills us with Rizz,

We each carry half the corpse, that we've split with a knife.

HECTOR LOST HIS RIZZ

Hector lost his rizz, playing hide and seek with the chickens, cows and sheep,

People thought he had no bizz, being a creepy, farm animal creep,

Hector lost all of his charm, 

Lost his lady and his farm,

Hector searches around town, for a nice clean dumpster, where he can sleep.

I MAY BE IGNORANT, BUT I CHOOSE BEEF

I think of humans to be like all other animals, except humans aren't on my menu for dinner,

It sounds like an extremely, ignorant prejudice, but I can't help but pick beef as my dinner winner,

I don't care about a social class,

As food, all humans, I give a pass,

I love to also eat mutton and pork, but those meats stretch out my pants, and I am aiming to grow thinner.

A BORING POEM: MY CHRISTMAS BREAK INSPIRATION

I decided to paint a small picture, over my Christmas college break,

I painted various sized oak, maple and pine trees, surrounding a lake,

I painted a sun,

A giant orange one,

I added a couple with a picnic basket; sitting down, eating cake.

THE MOORE FEDORA

My old fedora was eaten away by bugs,

It was given to me by mama, with a kiss and hugs,

It belonged to my Grand Pappy Moore,

He bought it for a nickel, at a store,

I lost my daddy's hunting hat, when it got slimed by slugs.

I FOUND A BUNNY, AND BECAME A REAL ESTATE TYCOON

I bought an abandoned, tiny house for my first rental, realty,

Then it rained and the roof was bad, and under the floor there sat a sea,

I replaced the roof with much, borrowed money,

Pumped the water out, and found a drowned bunny,

Once the water was all pumped out, I made some hot, chamomile tea.

THE CLARINET CONCERTO FOR BUNKER BUMS

I made plans, and built a massive bunker, so I could sleep soundly at night,

I will be quite safe from falling acorns, and such things that give me a fright,

The bunker is 70 feet down deep,

A tomb, where my stored groceries, I keep,

I also have my clarinet, to play for fellow bunker bums, delight.