HEART FAILURE AND THE KNIFE

There once was an iconic, little blogger who could,

He often made videos about carving craft wood,

Then he'd slice up some ham,

And fry it with lite Spam,

Until his arteries got all clogged, under the hood.

MY SOCIAL COMMUNITY IS THE DOUGHNUT BAR: BELLY-UP

Because I leave my accounts, so unattended,

On most social media, I've been unfriended,

I deleted all the posts,

My fans hate the most,

For soc now, it's the doughnut bar, where I'm mended.

WHEN THE BEAR POUND, I GO UNDERGROUND

I heard a loud pound, pound, pounding on my door in back,

It was a grizzly bear, wanting his afternoon snack,

The old grizzly wanted me,

To digest in his belly,

I hid in the basement, because courage I did lack.

SHARKS IN LAKE MICHIGAN

I went out on Lake Michigan and got bit by a shark,

I did not feel any pain, then it suddenly went dark,

I woke up in the sharks belly,

Being made into poop jelly,

Far off in the distance, I heard my pet doggy, bark, bark...

MY FEETS WERE STAINED BY BEETS

I decided to get some eats,
So, I opened a can of beets,
I spilled the juice,
It ran real loose,
And, stained purple my bare feets.     

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I TOOK A BREAK AND IT HURT

I ate two onion bagels, and that was lunch,

I washed them down with a sweet, raspberry punch,

My teeth were full of ruts,

On break I chewed some nuts,

I shouted "Ouch!", with every single crunch.

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BENNY BROUGHT HOME SOME CHEAP CRABS

Benny brought home to his wife some cheap crabs,

The crabs were just little dribbles and dabs,

They came in a can,

Fried up well with Spam,

The crabs helped the Bennies build bigger abs. 

FROG, CHEESE,YUMMY

I had parmesan cheese frog in my roaster,

Thick garlic/onion bread in my wide toaster,

It's the bestest of dinners,

The best of the big winners,

And, I am normally not a big boaster.

MONTREAL VACATION

I went to Montreal to see the buildings and the beautiful sites,

But I had trouble speaking French, because I lack some brights,

At restaurants, I felt despair,

For food and drink, I had just air,

Next time I go to Montreal, with an interpreter I'll get the tights. 

PUS ON MY BAGEL, NO THANKS

My bagel had no cream cheese, so I put up a fuss,

The diner said they had no cream cheese, because it turned to pus,

I felt a shame,

Putting the diner to blame,

Then I went back driving, the town local passenger bus. 

BAD DAY WITH SALTY YOLK

I had me some eggs with runny yolk,

Washed them down with Diet Coke,

Ate 2 lbs of salt, had a stroke,

My driver's license got a revoke,

Ran a light, and garbage pail I broke.

THE RHYME OF FOODS WITH GARLIC

All food deserves a garlic dash,
It makes dull food vibrant and brash,
Food with garlic delights my taster,
And, garlic with butter is the ultimate baster,
Garlic makes no food a waster,
Sometimes I use garlic as a tooth-paster,