GERTY GOT DIRTY, ONE SUMMER DAY

I went white water rafting, one sunny day,

The river was yucky with swirling red clay,

My little dog, named Gerty,

Got her face all dirty,

I washed her face off, once we got to the bay.

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FRED THE RED HAS GONE TO THE BAY

I had to box and bury my bestest friend, Fred,

My favorite goldfish, only he was more red,

He's now swimming today,

In a heavenly bay,

With all my other goldfish that I have found dead.

HOLLAND AND THE SWEATER COLORED KITTY

I went to Holland because in magazines it looks pretty,

Not the one overseas but, the one southwest of Bay City,

The tulips were the star,

I drank malt liqueur from a jar,

And, bought a sweater with colors matching my kitty.

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THE WILL OF THE MOUSE

The mouse was stuck on the old glue trap,

He squeaked and squeaked and said, "Drat, Drat,"

But, his will kept him yanking,

And, his little feet cranking,

He freed himself, but was ate by the cat.

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MY SCORPION IS IN A BETTER PLACE, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS

My pet scorpion was killed, when someone crushed him with a big rock,

I spent all day complaining to all my followers on Tic Toc,

Someone sent a message that was sound,

The kind of message to bring me round,

Seems my scorpion is in heaven, being treated by a doc.

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COYOTE HUNGRY

Coyotes are after my little terror dog,

They may well get him, because he sleeps like a dead log,

I made my doggy wear bells,

And some skunk pee that smells,

Now my dear doggy is free to hike, sleep, dance or jog.

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THE BUG ZAPPER OF TEARS

I had a small pet bug named Larry, he just learned how to fly,

He flew into a bug zapper, and that's where he learned to die,

I keep losing all my bug pets,

The bug zapper has no regrets,

Larry is just a pile of dust; I ask the zapper, "why".

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BILLY'S BEETLE DUNG

Billy's cute little beetle ran away,

Billy has dung, but the beetle wouldn't stay,

Billy's dung,

Is far flung,

How far can a beetle run in a day?

GUPPIES FOR THE FAIR OR FOOD

I raised me some beautiful guppies to sell at the farm fair,

People looked into my guppy jug, and saw no guppies there,

It seems someone's sea toad,

Was in guppy lunch mode,

In the next booth sat that toad, with a big smile and dumb stare.

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AR AND THE ATTACK OF THE HEMORRHOIDS

I have a Doberman dog, I named, Atomic Richie,

AR is laughed at because his hemorrhoids are itchy,

Across the carpet he scoots,

Amongst the laughter and hoots,

Poor old AR is howling in a vibrating pitchy. 

DINOSAURS DO NOT MAKE GOOD PETS (A CAUTIONARY TALE)

I went back in time to get a baby pet dinosaur,

I brought back an egg, and thought I had made quite a score,

My dino pet grew gigantic,

Ate all my groceries, became frantic,

He then chewed and swallowed me, because he wanted more.

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RECKONING BY THE ELVES

My kitty likes to tear, rip and shred, elves into small parts,

So on Christmas Day,  we just get one wrapped box, full of farts,

Real bad it makes us feel,

It ruins our Christmas meal,

So we go to the store, and play race with shopping carts.

JUSTIN AND RALPH: THE TEDDY BEARS AND KITTY

Justin was a cute teddy bear, who lived on my top bookshelf,

Justin was so sad, because he lost his best friend, Teddy Ralph,

Teddy Ralph fell to the floor,

Eight shelves down, and what's more,

Kitty ripped Teddy Ralph to shreds, believing he was an elf.  (Stupid Kitty)

DEMON FOOD, THANKS FRED

A witch put a horrible curse upon my goldfish, Fred,

Turned Fred into a gator, and Fred tried to eat me dead,

Although I tried to beg,

Fred chewed off my left leg,

Fred let me bleed, until the Devil's demons, my soul fed.

MY DOG AND TONY SHOW

My dog was looking thin and bony,

So I fed him some macaroni, 

I took him to see his dog friend, Tony,

I think their friendship is kind of phony,

They love to watch My Little Pony.   

  

JAWS OF THE FERRELL GOLDFISH

I use to buy goldfish, and set them free in the bay,

All was just completely fine, until one sunny day,

I was fishing for big perch,

Behind the boat there did lurch, 

A ninety foot goldfish, it ate me and swam away.

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MANGE PUT WORK OUT OF RANGE

I played with my quite doggy, and I caught a case of mange,

Then when I went to work, people looked at me real strange,

Someone made a big fuss,

I got kicked off the bus,

Unfortunately, my work was beyond my walking range.

I DIGS A HOUND HOLE FOR MY FRIEND 2

My dearest friend in the world, the hound, he died,

The ancient woodland fairies, they cried and cried,

I put my hound in the hole,

Said "fare thee well", to his soul,

The fit was real tight, because the hole wasn't wide.

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PITBULL DANCER

Rene  had a pretty dancing Pitbull, named Trina,

Rene trained Trina to dance like a real ballerina,

Trina danced the Pirouette,

From daybreak, until sunset,

When Trina went outside, she'd pee on a Gardena.

MY SHORT HAIRED DOG GOT RABIES, SO I BOUGHT A HAIRY ONE

I once had a Boston terrier,

He was a big rabies carrier,

He foamed at the mouth,

Took off, going south,

I bought a collie, much hairier.