THE DOG WHO DUG TOO MUCH

I'm a doggy and I dig deep in the dirt; I dig in snow,

I'll dig into anything, even where a doggy shouldn't go,

One day, I felt extremely brave,

I dug into a black bear cave,

Doggy meat makes black bear fur shine, and it also makes it grow.

CANDY BEARS AND THE DANCING DOG

My little dog, his name is Herman, and Herman loves to dance, 

He will dance a Polish polka or a German waltz, romance,

Herman does the twisty twist,

Celtic dancing in the mist,

Herman can even dance ballet, when in a gummy bear trance.

TRINA'S LITTLE GOLDFISH FOUND OUT HEAVEN WAS FULL OF TURDS

Trina bought a 2 inch long goldfish, and put it in a large casserole bowl,

Trina gave her fish lots to eat, because keeping him healthy was her main goal,

The goldfish bloated up 3 inches wide,

Trina found it floating on its right side,

Trina flushed his body to the septic tank, along with his immortal soul.

DOG, CAT AND TIRES

I had four massive, truck tires that I inflated, fat,

My happy dog was impressed, but not so, my pretty cat,

My dog took a pee,

On tires 1 through 3,

My cat laid under tire 4, and was almost squished flat.

I SPILLED MY SODA IN MY GOLDFISH TANK, AND MY GOLDFISH, HE DONE DIED

I cried and cried when my goldfish died, because I spilled my soda pop,

In criminal court, I was fair tried, after being arrested by the goldfish cop,

With my pet I won't grow old,

I'm celled in prison, alone, cold,

I am guilty I must confide, because the tank had no pop, stop, top.

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TWIN PEAKS SPREAD IT TO HUNTER CAT

I wandered downstairs, and found some beautiful antiques,

They were loaded with mice, so there were plenty of eeks,

So, I called down my hunter, cat, 

He ate each mouse, right where it sat,

But, my cat got the rabies from a rat named, Twin Peaks.

PRETTY BIRD: WHAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND, I EAT

Some years ago, I had a most beautiful, colorful, singing bird,

The bright bird knew thirteen foreign operas; I couldn't understand a word,

I told him to sing in my tongue,

He got huffy; his neck got wrung,

I served the pretty bird with stuffing, and mashed potatoes, mixed with curd.

TULIPS FOR ALGERNON.

I had a big tin purple elephant, I named Algernon,

I gave Alger early spring, pink tulips, that he fell upon,

He crushed all the pretty flowers,

Broke them off from their green towers,

I tossed big Al, got a plastic fish, I called him Mastodon.

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CHOOSE WRONG AND EAT THE DOG

Because, we all love to die young, and starve,

That's the reason we all voted for Marv,

For our supper, we will carve,

The torso, we once called Harv,

Harv is the dog, my brother's called Garv. 

(In America, we don't eat people, except on days that end with "y".

THE CANARY AND THE RAVEN, A CAUTIONARY TALE

I had a big pet raven, and he liked to eat canary,

He used to eat them by the bunch, like a small, yellow berry,

The canary birds worked together,

Netted my raven in bad weather,

Then, they roasted and ate him, in a scene that was real scary. 

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THE CAT SLEEPING IN THE WINDOW

My cat is sleeping in the window, while we're visiting Southern France,

She is staring at some butterflies, as the afternoon hours advance,

She will soon be sunbeam napping,

As her dreaming legs, start flapping,

She will wakeup just before supper, and do her ballet, stretchy leg, dance.

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CECIL DIESEL: THE MATH RAT THAT MOCKS CAT

Cecil Diesel is a very mean, but intelligent rat,

He made my big pussy cat cry, when he said she was too fat,

Cecil is great with my twin kids,

When their math grades were on the skids,

Cecil taught the kids quadratic equations; I'm up with that.

A DOGGIE DADDY

Denny was a doggie daddy, a doggy daddy was daddy Denny,

Denny didn't know how many dogs he had, he lost count after counting three,

Denny gave each dog a bath at night,

Combed their clean hair, then off went the light,

Sometimes when fleas and ticks would survive, Daddy Denny got a snack for free.

STYLING CECIL HAD TASTY BRAINS

Cecil Diesel was a real sporty rat,

He looked handsome in his fedora hat,

When Cecil became woke,

He ordered a cherry coke,

Cecil got his brains ate by Kate, my cat.

I HAVE THE RABIES, SO THIS DOG IS DONE

The kids all have measles, and they have to stay home,

Even poor, old grandpa has spots on his chrome dome,

Most of their doctors, say,

The spots will go away,

But, not so, the dog rabies, that make my lips foam.

PETS IN THE POOL

My piranha pets that I keep in my pool, needed desperately to eat,

I invited over my neighbor to swim; he was loaded with fatty meat,

The big neighbor jumped into the pool,

With the voracious piranha school,

My pets striped the man's bones of fatty meat, from his bald head to his little feet.

THE SCIENCE PERSON WHO DISAPPEARED

I think that it's mysterious, diabolical and weird,

I only took one science class, and completely disappeared,

I do not know where I'm at

But, there is this talking cat,

He told me I had polio, at least that is what he heared. 

MY KITTY CAT IS BRAT?

I went way downtown, and got me a pretty kitty cat,

Kitty cats are very popular, some would say they're brat,

At the kitty store,

I bought my cat, Thor,

Thor was so happy, because I bought him a kitty hat.

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MY FAIRY FAYE TALE

I went down to Alabama, to meet my Fairy Faye,

She was so dog gone pretty that I married her in May

She had a dog named Quincy Cones, his thoughts were rather dark,

He would much rather bite you first, before he'd bark, bark, bark, bark,bark,

Fairy Faye had a mommy, her daddy was long dead,

But, he would often haunt her, that's why she wet to bed,

Dead daddy played the fiddle, in life that was his thing,

In death he plays the fiddle, while demons dance and sometimes sing,

Fairy Faye and I grew old,

We had no babies, no kids hold,

Fairy Faye died, and I buried her bones,

Beside her ma, and pa and Quincy Cones.

BALLAD OF THE DILLY DOGS

Patches and Checkers were two dilly dogs,

They pretended to be rabbits, squirrels and frogs,

Then one pleasant day,

A cougar came their way,

Patches and Checkers, were soon two cougar logs.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF PATCHES AND CHECKERS

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