CECIL DIESEL: THE MATH RAT THAT MOCKS CAT

Cecil Diesel is a very mean, but intelligent rat,

He made my big pussy cat cry, when he said she was too fat,

Cecil is great with my twin kids,

When their math grades were on the skids,

Cecil taught the kids quadratic equations; I'm up with that.

A DOGGIE DADDY

Denny was a doggie daddy, a doggy daddy was daddy Denny,

Denny didn't know how many dogs he had, he lost count after counting three,

Denny gave each dog a bath at night,

Combed their clean hair, then off went the light,

Sometimes when fleas and ticks would survive, Daddy Denny got a snack for free.

STYLING CECIL HAD TASTY BRAINS

Cecil Diesel was a real sporty rat,

He looked handsome in his fedora hat,

When Cecil became woke,

He ordered a cherry coke,

Cecil got his brains ate by Kate, my cat.

I HAVE THE RABIES, SO THIS DOG IS DONE

The kids all have measles, and they have to stay home,

Even poor, old grandpa has spots on his chrome dome,

Most of their doctors, say,

The spots will go away,

But, not so, the dog rabies, that make my lips foam.

PETS IN THE POOL

My piranha pets that I keep in my pool, needed desperately to eat,

I invited over my neighbor to swim; he was loaded with fatty meat,

The big neighbor jumped into the pool,

With the voracious piranha school,

My pets striped the man's bones of fatty meat, from his bald head to his little feet.

THE SCIENCE PERSON WHO DISAPPEARED

I think that it's mysterious, diabolical and weird,

I only took one science class, and completely disappeared,

I do not know where I'm at

But, there is this talking cat,

He told me I had polio, at least that is what he heared. 

MY KITTY CAT IS BRAT?

I went way downtown, and got me a pretty kitty cat,

Kitty cats are very popular, some would say they're brat,

At the kitty store,

I bought my cat, Thor,

Thor was so happy, because I bought him a kitty hat.

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MY FAIRY FAYE TALE

I went down to Alabama, to meet my Fairy Faye,

She was so dog gone pretty that I married her in May

She had a dog named Quincy Cones, his thoughts were rather dark,

He would much rather bite you first, before he'd bark, bark, bark, bark,bark,

Fairy Faye had a mommy, her daddy was long dead,

But, he would often haunt her, that's why she wet to bed,

Dead daddy played the fiddle, in life that was his thing,

In death he plays the fiddle, while demons dance and sometimes sing,

Fairy Faye and I grew old,

We had no babies, no kids hold,

Fairy Faye died, and I buried her bones,

Beside her ma, and pa and Quincy Cones.

BALLAD OF THE DILLY DOGS

Patches and Checkers were two dilly dogs,

They pretended to be rabbits, squirrels and frogs,

Then one pleasant day,

A cougar came their way,

Patches and Checkers, were soon two cougar logs.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF PATCHES AND CHECKERS

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HAPPY APRIL FOOLS

It's the holiday known as "April Fools",

It's the day they close down all the schools,

Daddy locks up his power tools,

Mommy reminds us of house rules,

But puppy, he just farts and drools.

THE CANARY AND THE RAVEN, A CAUTIONARY TALE

I had a big pet raven, and he liked to eat canary,

He used to eat them by the bunch, like a small, yellow berry,

The canary birds worked together,

Netted my raven in bad weather,

Then, they roasted and ate him, in a scene that was real scary. 

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MY DONKEY RAN OFF TO A WARMER CLIMATE

There was a terrible snow blizzard, and my donkey ran far away,

I lost him in the blowing snow, he's in South America, some say,

My donkey was my transport to the village store,

Without him, I can't get groceries, anymore,

My stomach, in one place it won't stay, since I've been eating donkey hay.

TULIPS FOR ALGERNON.

I had a big tin purple elephant, I named Algernon,

I gave Alger early spring, pink tulips, that he fell upon,

He crushed all the pretty flowers,

Broke them off from their green towers,

I tossed big Al, got a plastic fish, I called him Mastodon.

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PEGGY PEACOCK

Penny had a handsome, pet peacock, and Penny named him ABC,

ABC had a pretty, peacock girlfriend, known as 123, 

123 and ABC made a big egg,

The peacock that popped out, mama named her Peg,

Peg grew up, became a volunteer, and gave up her spare time for free.

KATRINA CAME BACK

I'm mad; my little, brat sister Katrina, got a brand new, baby horse,

The reason she got one is mommy and daddy, were getting a divorce,

Then Katrina rode away,

Didn't come back until today,

Katrina ran off fifty years ago, so mom and dad are dead, of course.

MY DINGBAT SINGS

Someone gave me a cute dingbat, gave it to me, totally free,

It flies around my apartment, while singing, "ding ding, ding, ding, dee", 

He eats all of the flies, 

He poops, but the poop dries,

I hung a bat house on the wall, so my dingbat can go sleepy.

MISSING PUP LEAVES CLUES

Methinks, I lost my little white poodle, pup,

My pup did not show up for his nightly sup,

He is here, good news,

Found pee in my shoes,

And, he took a small poop in my coffee cup.

I CREMATED SAM, AND DUMPED HIM

I crawled inside the old dog coup, because I miss my dear, old, pal, Sam,

I even licked his dish out, it hated like his favorite food, Spam,

I went back inside the mourning, sad house,

I gave a big sloppy kiss to my spouse,

Then we went down to the river and dumped his ashes, where dear Sam swam.

CHEESY ASPARAGUS AND A PLATE LICKER

I bought some asparagus for my Christmas dinner, and I covered it with cheese,

I dripped over the asparagus dish,  some bacon grease for a rich, flavor tease,

While the dish was hot, I started to eat,

It was the utmost, delicious treat,

When done, my dog gave a real hate stare at me; I let him lick my plate, to appease.

MY CAT: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SMELLS

My big, lurking, gray cat has many wicked, wicked ways,

My cat, Sheila, eats the rats that make my home, their maze,

When I enjoy my night cap,

She will blow farts on my lap,

When I eat tuna melt, she glares, with a murderous gaze.