I WAS A CESSPOOL DIVER; NOT AN OLYMPIC SPORT

I went diving in a nasty cesspool, desperate to come clean,

It made my face all pucker up, so I used mamas Maybelline,

The cess got in my beautiful hair,

That's why my hair is no longer there,

I'll not enter a cesspool again, except in a submarine.

I EVOLVED AND WENT BACK TO.THE SEA

I woke up this morning without hands, arms or feet,

Instead, I had flippers; how am I supposed to eat?

I flopped down to the bay,

I feel better, I'd say,

Except, I'm sick of eating fish, and desire red meat.

LITTLE MEN WENT FISHING

Seven little men walked way out upon the frozen lake,

They had gone there to see how many fishies they could take,

Three of the men, they drowned,

Three more froze, searchers found,

The last little man went home, and had scrambled eggs and stake.

WOE UNTO THE BEARS

There were three bears, not use to woeing,

They traveled in a tin boat, by rowing,

They came to some falls,

They made, "Help, Help", calls,

Alas, over those falls they were going.

OLD SKEGGY RETURNS

The great monster in Skedgemog Lake,

The souls of innocents he take,

He feeds on flesh and never cake,

Old Skeggy the monster in Skedgemog Lake,

He's a giant turtle; so spins the yarn,

A giant snapper bigger than a barn,

His tail is as long,

As a ride at the carn,

He slurps down rattle snakes like spaghetti,

And, fishermen too,

Though many have seen him,

Survivors are few,

So, come on up to Michigan,

To Skegemog Lake,

Just to see if Old Skeggy,

Is real or a fake,

But, do not believe,

Those who scoff in scoff tone,

Or, Old Skeggey might eat you,

From skin to the bone.

 

MY HOME AND MY BOAT: ONE DON'T STAND, ONE DON'T FLOAT

The big rain storm hit so hard that my boat went sinkin',

My house collapsed down the hill, like the logs of Lincoln,

It rained over 10 inches today,

And, with the tidal wave off the bay,

I hope my insurer has a check, that it's inkin'.

THE DARDEVLE CAUGHT THE MONSTER

I used the mighty Dardevle to catch me a big fish,

It was an enormous pike, and was a bucket list wish,

It darn near snapped, my wire line,

But, an intervention divine,

A lightning strike on the pike, fried the fish for my dish.

THE FRAMING OF THE SHREW

I painted a picture of a little tiny shrew,

I did not have a frame, so that day I had to rue,

So, I built a frame myself,

Used the wood from an old shelf,

I still couldn't hang the picture, because I had no screw.

RAINBOWS, CLOWNS AND SODA BURPS

A rainbow got real close to the ground,

It's vibration made a humming sound,

The humming made my mind go clown,,

 I quickly drank my soda down,

Drinking soda causes burps, I found.

A BELLY FULL OF COW, AND STUFF

There was an alligator in my cow pond, and he ate every cow,

He ate my cats and rabbit, and he ate the dog that went "bow wow"

I set a trap,

But it was crap,

The gator ate my kids,and cousin, and my neighbor Rev. Dow.

AVOIDED LEACHES, BUGS, WORMS AND CRABS, BUT NOT FLIES

My towel was my little piece of paradise on the beach,

It held down beneath me the worm, bug, crab and blood sucking leach,

But then came the flies,

They molested my eyes,

Be extremely cautious at the beach, is the sermon I preach.

I SWAM 3 METERS

I swam 3 meters and sank down 4,

If I hadn't stopped swimming I would have sunk down more,

Of course, I'm a human,

I'm not a fish,

And, swimming makes my human parts feel very sore.

THE PIKE TOOK THE BLUEGILL BAIT

I went fishing for lunker bluegills at the bottom of the lake,

I knew a big fat earthworm was the bait that they'd take,

But along came a pike and the bluegills swam away,

And the pike grabbed my worm and I thought "happy day,"

But the pike's teeth cut my line, so he was never my prey. 

A WALK BEFORE SUP

I went for a walk with my dog, Sally,

She took a leak and filled up the valley,

Women and children all cried,

The crocodiles died,

We suped at a brew pub, called Galley.

DANNY THE BIG SHOT, GOT BEACHED OUT

Danny was a grocer; ten times a millionaire,

He thought himself a big shot; he figured he was there,

So he bought a big boat,

To join the yacht float,

But he was rejected, he was not a billionaire.

THE PUDDLE WITH THE ARK

I walked in the woods and found a puddle with an ark,

And, floating there all crowed was a big piece of bark,

It held ants, worms and centipedes,

And, insect eggs that looked like seeds,

All waiting the puddle to vanish so their ride could then park. 

 

KISSING IN THE SEA

I saw two fishes holding fins in the sea,

They were kissing and took no note of me,

I told them kissing in public was rare,

They asked me to join their pair,

Now the fishes kissing number exactly three.

IF U FOLLOW A 🐴 2 WATER MAKE SURE U GET THERE 🏆

I followed a horse to water and then I took a drink,🏊

The water smelled of urine because the horse had made it stink,🐎👅

I looked both north and south,👆👇

No other water for my mouth,👄

The horse knew he had unnerved me for he gave me an eyewink.🐴