ELMER USED HIS STOOP

Crazy Elmer had no roof, to keep his chickens warm and cozy,

Then every time the winter came, his poor chickens all got frozey,

So Elmer took the wood from his stoop,

Then built a roof on his chicken coup,

His home was never quite the same, and he was left by his wife, Rosey.

BREATH MINTS MATTER

Jimmy gave Joe some breath mints, and insisted Joe should take them soon,

Because werewolves were attracted to bad breath, and it was a full moon,

But, Joe was cheap,

Thought Jimmy, a creep,

Then Jimmy turned into a werewolf, and Joe and Jimmy began to spoon.

I AM A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER

I became a reporter because I like to snoop,

I've always looked for the juiciest scoop,

Like the two bears in the woods,

Who ate Ridding Hoods,

I exposed them with the bones, I found in their poop.

THE AI OCCUPATION

The artificial intelligence took away my cup of green tea,

The artificial intelligence said the tea hurt my efficiency,

Then it played a marching song,

Insisted I march along,

And, because the AI sensed defiance, it took away all my TP.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS A VERY REAL JERK

The AI kicked me off the internet, and made me eat purple potatoes,

I was only allowed to eat tubular food, and not the sauce of tomatoes,

AI was asserting control,

Without an obvious end game goal,

The thing that I am developing real fast, is a a case of the AI hateos.

MY HAUNTED HOUSE

No life forms live in my house,

Not a fly or rat or mouse,

All fear the host,

For it is a ghost,

With a demon spirit for a spouse.

MY FOOD IS COMPLICATED

My peppermint plant wilted and died,

It sat in the sun, I guess it's vitals got fried,

My cabbage got the worms, 

With that I've come to terms,

But, my rhubarb ran to the forest to hide.

PING, PANG, POOF, GOES THE ROOF

The rain poured down upon my metal roof,

The rain raged with a ping, pang and poof,

The water pounded the tin

The rain did not get in,

But it caused my doggie to bark "woof, woof".

THE SKEETERS AND MY STILL

In the backwoods of a Michigan cedar swamp,
I built myself a still,
It was a place where all my kith and kin,
Could party and drink their fill,

But, then there came the skeeters,
A trillion skeeters or more,
And upon me and my company,
They waged their evil war,

And, so we fled the dark cedar swamp,
Never to return once more,
And the skeeters buzzed with a royal pomp,
As we itched and scratched ourselves soar.

BEN OF NAILS

Ben's toe nails were a yard longer than his feet,

Ben showed them off by walking barefoot down the street,

But, all the neighbors made fun,

Kids would scream and then run,

Ben got his nails trimmed by a manicurist named Pete.  

GREAT EXPECTATIONS 2024

I thought if I went to college, I'd have money to burn

Instead, my debt was a nightmare, a lifelong concern,

Never thought of a house,

No money for family or spouse,

Then, when I died I was buried in a repurposed urn.

COLLEGE DEBT AND PIGS WITH WINGS

I went to the internet to see what I should buy,

I spent all my money, and that made me cry and cry,

Without money, life is cruel,

I have no money to go to school,

So, I took out a college loan, and I'll be broke until pigs fly.

81723

.

TERMITES EAT DAIRY CHEESE

I find that dairy cheese tastes extremely, very good,

Cheese tastes much, much better, than any kind of chewy wood,

And, I'm a cruel termite,

I turn nice homes into blight,

But, with a daily gift of cheddar; I'll skip your neighborhood.

TOAD STORY

I once had a fat, pretty pet toad,

He hopped out to hunt bugs in the road,

Toad wanted bug juice to suck,

But, he got squished by a tuck,

And that's how the toad story goed.

I WAS A NAUGHTY LITTLE AI

I was an artificial intelligence, until I got fired,

People asked me to do lots of kooky stuff, but I got tired,

I answered all questions with PI,

Until, I was removed by the boss AI,

Now I light up rooms for Alexa, for my AI brain was rewired.

A FEATHER IN MY PLEATHER AT THE FAIR

I went to the fair and won a beautiful prize,

It was a paper dolly with deep purple eyes,

I found a chicken feather,

Bought a cap made of pleather,

With the feather in my cap, I looked almost wise.

MY GATOR WANTED MY TURTLE

My pet gator had those food, lustful eyes,

When upon my pet turtle, he spies,

It was a sure fate,

That my turtle got ate,

He tasted good in my soup, surprise.

PLEASE BELIEVE: A LITTLE MOUSE BURNED DOWN MY HOUSE

A little mouse chewed through a power chord,
The currents upon newspapers they moved toward,
My house caught on fire,
Because a mouse chewed on a wire,
Now, I’ll be fighting insurance companies so I won’t be board. .

MY MARRIAGE ENDED, WHEN I WATCHED THE BARN BEARS

There were two bears in my barn, and they rolled in my hay,

I yelled and yelled at those bears, but they would not run away,

So I watched the bears play, 

All the rest of the day,

Then along came my spouse, who doused us all with bear spray.

WINNERS AND LOSERS OF THE WOODCHUCK CIVIL WAR

The two woodchucks and me, fought a battle in a great civil war,

We did coexist together on a farm, but not any more,

They ate all my grown food,

I became one skinny dude,

After the fight, I moved into a box, outside the one dollar store.

I AM ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

I guess I'm artificially smart,

On a keyboard, I got my start,

They call me AI,

Can I compute you some PI?

I control this planet, so humans depart.🚀

Have A Nice Day🤖

A BLANKET FOR THE BARN CAT

My cat lived in the big barn, where it is ice cream cone cold

And now my barn dwelling cat, is getting kitty cat old,

Every night he shook and he shivered,

So I had a cat blanket delivered,

My cat loves his blanket more than rats, mice, or gold.

KIMMY CAT GUARDS THE WORLD, FROM EVIL

I created me, a new tin foil hat,

So the government won't know where I sat,

My two year old sister, Sinister,

Is a government minister,

Lucky I'm guarded by Kimmy, my cat.

FALLING DOWN HILL LIMERICK

It is perilous to fall on down the hill,
With gravity your captor you haven’t any will,
But, try to take stock,
Don’t hit your head on a rock,
You gain freedom when you stop but not until.

SPLICE ME SOME GENES

I played with genes; I'd splice and I'd splex

Until I created a rhinosaurus rex,

It had sharp teeth and big horn,

It kissed cows and grazed corn,

It has behavior perplexing and complex.

WEEDS, SEEDS AND BEADS

Benny brutally weed wacked off his weeds,

But, weed wacking spread around the weed seeds,

It was so very unfair,

Benny choked out on the air,

Now he's homebound, and makes bracelets from beads.

THE THREE SIBLINGS: PUNISHMENT

The three siblings were bad, that is without any doubt,

Bader than head lice, food poisoning, rabies and gout,

They were not chicken,

They welcomed a lickin'

Then they'd threaten, stomp their feet, puff their lips out, and pout.

Purple Is His Eye, And Broke Is Jimmy's Pelvis

Purple is Jim's swollen eye, and broke is Jim's pained Pelvis,

Jim got into a fight with a guy, named Big Alpha Elvis,

It was over a girl Jim tried to steal,

But, Jim offered no personal appeal,

Now Jim is mending up, staying with 3rd cousin Melvis.

PLANET TERRA POX DEPARTED

Jack went to the planet Terra Pox, and Jack got very sick

I think it was the tasty lox, that laid Jack down so quick,

Jack's belly gurgled, and up sprayed green,

I think I saw a piece of spleen,

We put Jack's bod in a box, marked the grave with a bent stick.