HOLIDAY SHOPPING

Mom went to the market for holiday sauce,

I rode along because she was the boss,

Mom picked out some wine,

And very thin twine,

For after each meal mom would floss.

I HUNG UP MY SOCKS ON CHRISTMAS EVE WITH HOPE

I hung up my socks by the old fireplace,
Hoping that Santa would come in the night,
I had no cookies sitting on the doily of lace,
My funds were all gone was my plight,

I and my family all went to sleep,
Waiting for the sunrise,
Haunted by the promises to be good we didn’t keep,
Because Santa was all knowing and all wise,

I don’t return to the library on time every book,
My son has been caught telling lies,
My daughter, my mother’s teeth she took,
When my wife wants her way then she cries,

I’m not really sure why Santa stopped by,
For we’re unreliable, cry, steal teeth and tell lies,
But, Santa left us all kinds of food and great stuff,
For all of us it was an awesome surprise.

A POOR SOULS PRACTICAL CHRISTMAS WISH

I wish Santa would bring me some cloths,

Like some socks to thaw out my toes,

Maybe a coat to stay warm,

Boots to walk a snow storm,

And some pants so my legs don't get froze.

MY BULBS I BROKE

I went outside because I'm so messy,

When I deck out my Christmas tree,

My brains I soak,

With rum and coke,

That's why my bulbs are mostly broke,

My neighbor, all he drinks is tea,

So, he has twice as many bulbs as me.

I EAT AND GO BURNING

I fear I will not do so well,💀

When I die, and where I dwell,👻

For my favorite dish,🍤

Is a pile of shellfish,🦀

They're an abomination to eat, heard tell.👹

A VENISON DINNER FOR CHRISTMAS

Mrs. Claus debated what she'd have for dinner on Christmas Day,
Then, she saw all those reindeer hitched behind her husband's sleigh,
So, she cooked up venison roasts,
For all those elves she had to host,
And, Santa hoped his packages would arrive by USPS by Christmas Day.

WINTER SOLSTICE IS HERE

There's frost under my trailer skirts,

I'm under winter storm weather alerts,

A polar blow is forthcoming, 

That's why I am bumming,

And my arthritic joints all got the hurts.

WE WERE NOT GOOD: SORRY SANTA POEM

I HUNG UP MY SOCKS

I hung up my socks by the old fireplace,
Hoping that Santa would come in the night,
I had no cookies sitting on the doily of lace,
My funds were all gone was my plight,

I and my family all went to sleep,
Waiting for the sunrise,
Haunted by the promises to be good we didn’t keep,
Because Santa was all knowing and all wise,

I don’t return to the library on time every book,
My son has been caught telling lies,
My daughter, my mother’s teeth she took,
When my wife wants her way then she cries,

I’m not really sure why Santa stopped by,
For we’re unreliable, cry, steal teeth and tell lies,
But, Santa left us all kinds of food and great stuff,
For all of us it was an awesome surprise.

THE SAD BEAR AND HIS BELLY

There's a sad looking bear under my apple tree,

He ain't eating apples, he's waiting for me,

I'd give him a hug,

And pull him close, snug,

But I'd end up in the bears growling belly.

WANDA WENDT WENT SHOPPING THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS

The day before Christmas, Wanda Wendt went store Shopping,

From store to store, Wanda Wendt went whip hopping,

When Wanda uncorked red wine,

Wanda Wendt was real fine,

Then, Wanda got munchies, and went Burger King Whopping.

WANDA WENT SHOPPING THE DAYAFTER THANKSGIVING

Wanda went shopping the day after Thanksgiving,
She spent every dime that she had made for her living,
She bought the kids some electronic toys,
She bought her mate Superbowl with the boys,
Wanda bought herself a Harley for riving.

WHERE THINGS GO

Where does all the sewage go?

It flows into the sea,

To feed the many algae, so more algae they can be,

Where does all the garbage go?

It flows into the sea,

To feed the little fishes so one day those fish feed me,

Where do all the toxic chemicals go?

They flow into the sea, and kill all the creatures of planet earth,

Including you and me.