SODA POP, OLD

My soda was not hot, and my soda pop was not cold,

My soda pop was flat, because my soda was so old,

Most times, its cold and fizzy,

Which makes me brains, freeze dizzy,

That was the worst soda pop, and mommy, I rightly told.

CAN'T GO WRONG WITH PAISLEY

I bought a new, clearance hoodie; it had a paisley design,

I thought I would go show it off, at the local dine and wine,

I knew I must look really stunning,

As patrons laughed, their tears were running,

I know that when I choose paisley, my social creds, will be fine.

MEDIEVAL EVIL MONSTER

There was a Griffin sitting up in an ash tree,

His laser sharp talons, sliced both arms off of me,

He bit off my head,

Thought then, I was dead,

I decomposed, until there was nothing to see.

STUPID TIME TRAVELER IRONY

Because its hull is made of the cheapest tin,

My quantum time machine, broke down, once again,

A small puncture makes woe,

My machine just won't go,

I won't make the reservation, for my din.

MOMMY HUGS AND SAMMY BUGS

Sammy torments the little crawling bugs,

Bugs get even with deep digs, and wide dugs,

Mostly, the bugs bite,

But, Sammy ain't bright,

Sammy gets infested, from mommy hugs.

MY PRIORITIES ARE BOWLING AND BEER

I sleep away my afternoons,

I sleep away my mornings,

I sick call everyday to work,

Despite my bosses' warnings,

If my financials weren't dire,

I would call my boss and retire,

I would put time into what feels so right,

That is league bowling, at the bar all night.

INFESTATION: SHARP TEETH IN BED

The bedbugs teeth are sharp, and real long,

And, Denny rolled upon the bugs, wrong,

The mad teeth bit in,

Broke wide, Denny's skin,

The Denny Dirge is our local song.

The Sunfish And My Eye

There was this little sunfish, I tried to deep fat fry,

Then a grease spatter popped, taking out my one good eye,

In my bad eye I see fizzy,

Many bubbles that are busy,

The ambulance picked me up, and I went bye, bye, bye.

FRESH FISH STEW FROM THE LAKE OF BLUE

The little creature floating in my stew,

I caught in the lake that was colored blue,

I bopped his head, so he would not come to,

If he did, this day he would come to rue,

He smelled like a fish, and tasted like poo.

VALUE OF LIFE

All the little humans they learn, learn, learn,

That makes their little brain cells churn, churn, churn,

Then they work for others who are stern, stern, stern,

When they die they get to burn, burn, burn,

Then they're all in ashes, and someone sticks them in an urn.

THIS BOLD MAN...

This bold man, he had a son,

He had two, but away the other run,

With a big black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, had a home with a view,

He hated his neighbors, and they hated him too,

With a big black, Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, had a yacht on the sea,

With the rich and powerful, he liked to party,

With a big, black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, he could not fall asleep,

His son had called him a greedy, selfish creep,

With a big, black Cadillac, decked out in golden chrome,

This bold man, from his mouth, he dripped a foam,

This bold man, at a new beginning, he did arrive,

He became kind and generous, and finally felt alive,

He sold his big, black Cadillac, his yacht, and fancy home,

He quit all his drooling, and built a homeless shelter dome.

POST SUMMER

The green leaves are all dying to brown, the skies are gray,

The summer has passed, and for those fine times we will pay,

In this technical fall,

Early winter will call,

Now great oar faring ships, are winter parked in the bay.

SHARKS IN LAKE MICHIGAN

I went out on Lake Michigan and got bit by a shark,

I did not feel any pain, then it suddenly went dark,

I woke up in the sharks belly,

Being made into poop jelly,

Far off in the distance, I heard my pet doggy, bark, bark...

I LOST MY DEAD TODAY

My bird feeder went away,

When the tornado came today

Away went my little shack,

And my LPs, the whole stack,

No more can I rest my head,

While I listen to The Grateful Dead

UN-RETIREMENT

I once retired,

Soon in debt, I mired,

The kids, food they required,

A really warm home, I desired,

Back working, caffeinated and wired.

RICHIE HARD TIMES

He had a tic in his tock, 

And, a big rock in his sock,

He spent everyday, listening to Rosy Land Bach,

His debts started to swell,

He had nothing to sell,

Now, he spends every evening at the Boys Club & Dock.

52324

MY ROOMMATE IS A PIG POEM

My roommate lives on the dole,
He never sweeps the floor,
He never cleans the toilet bowl,
Or, flushes anymore,

My roommate lives just day to day,
He never has a job,
The rent he'll never help to pay,
He is just a big fat slob,

My roommate is just not all there,
He'll never get a gig,
What people think he does not care,
My roommate is a pig,

Don't find roommates on the Internet,
You'll be real sorry if you do,
Online roommates will make you upset,
The day they move in you will rue.

33017

MY LITTLE POEM ABOUT GHEE

I ordered the health food, ghee,

I thought it was to be free,

It is costly as can be,

I added salt from the sea,

Dumped it on macaroni. 

I WENT TO CHUM'S CORNERS TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT

I went to Chum's Corners to have a night out,

I stopped into the gas station to see what it was about,

I bought a slice of pizza and a large soda pop,

Then left the gas station for a more happening stop,

I went to the hardware to check out the sales,

I bought a new hammer and ten pounds of nails,

I bought a bird feeder and ten pounds of bird feed,

Then I left the hardware for I felt a new need,

I went to the market to get some popcorn to pop,

It was after 8 p.m., time to go home and flop,

But I still needed excitement, at least just a bit more,

So I stopped at the Chum's Corners' local video store.  

7622

CLANCY LEARNED WINE MAKING IN PRISON

Clancy made some of his famous prison toilet wine,

He forgot to flush the toilet; it was not fine,

The wine had little floaters,

Mostly, they were brown coaters,

So I didn't drink so much, when at Clancy's I did dine.

030124