MY ROOMMATE IS A PIG POEM

My roommate lives on the dole,
He never sweeps the floor,
He never cleans the toilet bowl,
Or, flushes anymore,

My roommate lives just day to day,
He never has a job,
The rent he'll never help to pay,
He is just a big fat slob,

My roommate is just not all there,
He'll never get a gig,
What people think he does not care,
My roommate is a pig,

Don't find roommates on the Internet,
You'll be real sorry if you do,
Online roommates will make you upset,
The day they move in you will rue.

33017

MY LITTLE POEM ABOUT GHEE

I ordered the health food, ghee,

I thought it was to be free,

It is costly as can be,

I added salt from the sea,

Dumped it on macaroni. 

I WENT TO CHUM'S CORNERS TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT

I went to Chum's Corners to have a night out,

I stopped into the gas station to see what it was about,

I bought a slice of pizza and a large soda pop,

Then left the gas station for a more happening stop,

I went to the hardware to check out the sales,

I bought a new hammer and ten pounds of nails,

I bought a bird feeder and ten pounds of bird feed,

Then I left the hardware for I felt a new need,

I went to the market to get some popcorn to pop,

It was after 8 p.m., time to go home and flop,

But I still needed excitement, at least just a bit more,

So I stopped at the Chum's Corners' local video store.  

7622

CLANCY LEARNED WINE MAKING IN PRISON

Clancy made some of his famous prison toilet wine,

He forgot to flush the toilet; it was not fine,

The wine had little floaters,

Mostly, they were brown coaters,

So I didn't drink so much, when at Clancy's I did dine.

030124

THE BEAST OF SUMER VALLEY

The beast that lives in Sumer Valley,

Eats the peasants, quite a tally,

He will jelly them for toast,

Or for dinner, a lamb roast,

With pitchforks and torches, the peasants will rally.

MY BIRD SONG

Many birds are here this spring,

Doing their tweet and pecking thing,

Building nests beneath roofs, in trees,

All busy parents the shes and hes,

Seeds and bugs to their young they bring,

And, joy to the babies moms and daddies sing.

32917

 

RISE OF THE DREADED DEAD

As we summoned up the dead,

All the sky turned bloody red,

With our sacrifice, the demons were fed,

They drank the blood from the severed head,

Then from the graves the corpses were led,

To stalk the living and bring them dread,

While the living slumber in quiet bed,

Making pretty dreams, instead.

PP10102022

MY NEIGHBORHOOD

Some of my neighbors live in tree houses; not safe from the big bad cat,

Some neighbors live in tunnels, with family members packed in like the rat,

Some of my neighbors live in a lean-to, just loose boards leaned against a tree,

I live out in the open, easy prey, but at least I feel free,

Rich neighbors live in abandoned cars, but the bears smell where they're at.

2624

I DREAMT I HAD BIG TURKEY FEET

I dreamt I had big turkey feet,
And a drumstick for a leg,
I dreamt I had two turkey wings,
And I yearned to lay an egg,

I dreamt I was sitting in a tree,
With a thick branch for my couch,
I dreamt that I was shot dead in my tree,
And, my final thought was ouch!

I dreamt I was floating right above,
A dinner table set in honor of me,
And there my dead corpse was layed out with love,
Well centered so all could see,

Then, my dream came to an abrupt end,
As the diners devoured my meat,
And I woke up back at my hunting camp,
But I still had big turkey feet.

P11012022

Little Wiggins The Pig Part Three

Little Wiggins was a pig, inspired

He traded stocks until he retired,

Wiggins still liked his slop,

He would slurp slop nonstop,

He chewed coffee grounds to get wired.

P01232023

MY BABY GETS HIS ROUGHAGE

I have a pet raccoon and he eats only pinecones, 

Does not care if filled with peanut butter or stones,

He has rough roughage and while it still steams,

I hear him complain, then he hollers, then screams,

I know that he is all done, when he sighs, and then moans.

THE HUNTING TIGER IN THE SNOW

My Tiger is a kitty cat,
But, that he does not know,
He thinks he is a hunting beast,
So, I let him go out hunting  in the snow,

Alas, Tiger did not do so well,
Out hunting in the snow,
He ended up back at my front door,
Inside he wanted to go,

I let indoors my shivering pet,
He ran to his bowl, a well filled dish,
After that he took a nap,
My hunting Tiger full of tuna fish.

PP04172023

BENNY BUILT A TIME MACHINE

PP033122

Benny built a time machine,

But, he benefited not,

For when he went back to change the past,

The future he forgot.
 

I DIG POTATOES AND WATCH THE GOAT

I found a little fig,

It seemed to dance a jig,

Was ate by a goat named Tig,

Who chewed up my daddy's wig,

All, while potatoes I did dig.

MY LIFE AS A BRAIN EATING ZOMBIE HAIKU

Brain eating zombie,
Biter, ouch, headache, brains, brains,
Guy, baseball bat, ouch!!!

P211323

MY FLUGELHORN PAID FOR RENT AND FOOD

All I want for Christmas is a brand new flugelhorn,

A truck ran over my old one, and made my horn unborn,

I play my horn at the corner and get tossed one cent,

When I get enough pennies, I go and pay my rent,

If I have money left over, I can sup on canned cream corn.

SANTA, BELLS AND BATTERIES

Santa had to buy brand new batteries, to make his big sleigh bells ring,

But, the elves stole the batteries for karaoke, because elves like to sing,

So, Santa's long fight,

Was one dreary night,

With the reindeer all singing "Ding, Ding....".

LITTLE THIEF EDGAR

Little thief Edgar stole things starting with the letter "T"

Be it a trinket, trombone, tether ball or TV,

The item's value he didn't care,

He stole for the dare,

But thieving led him to profitability.
 

THE FEAR OF SOAPS, SHOWERS AND FLOWERS

There was a grocery bagger, named Howard,

Howard was by all measures, a true coward,

He hardly ever used soap and then showered,

His many smells made him feel more empowered,

He feared the soap scent would make him smell flowered.

THE KILLER PUMPKIN AND THE MINNOWS

I saw a giant pumpkin, eating a fisherman, by the sea,

The fisherman had a minnow bucket, so I set the minnows free,

I decided to roast the pumpkin, thought it'd taste good with my tea,

But, all I had to flavor the pumpkin, was a half jar of suspect ghee,

I should of kept the minnows, because they might have been tasty.