MY DONKEY RAN OFF TO A WARMER CLIMATE

There was a terrible snow blizzard, and my donkey ran far away,

I lost him in the blowing snow, he's in South America, some say,

My donkey was my transport to the village store,

Without him, I can't get groceries, anymore,

My stomach, in one place it won't stay, since I've been eating donkey hay.

TRINA AND THE PLAYGROUND RECKONING POEM

Trina's shoes are made of itchy plastics, and her clothes are made of plastics too,

Trina is allergic to all plastics, so she scratches all the time, boo hoo!

Trina can't play on the jungle gym,

She's been banned by a bully, named Tim, 

Trina sat and scratched, while on a swing,

Waiting for the recess bell to go, "ring",

Trina, finally had enough, and lost her cool,

She gave Tim a push, and she was banned from the school.

VAMPIRE ON THE BEACH

The vampire was in his coffin, and it was sitting by the great sea,

The coffin was hidden by some bushes, and guarded by a bumblebee,

When darkness came about,

The vampire came out,

Midnight swimmers every night, met the vampire, and eternity.

BERNIE THE BEAVER, TOOTHED TREES FOR THE KING

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees,

Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and the breeze,

Bernie checked wind speed and direction,

Studied soil types, for perfection,

Bernie felled his trees spot on, tight, and the king beaver, Bernie did please.

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I'M A SODA POP SHAKER

My soda pop went into my mouth, and jet sprayed out through my nose,

Now, I have soda pop stains upon my brand new, dollar store clothes,

I feel such soda pop, disdain,

And, I've got fizzy in my brain,

I still love shaking up my soda pop, even if my pop blows.

PREPPER MOCKING

I have been prepping for a radioactive, end of the world,

Many stacked pallets of bottled water, and canned food, I have squirreled,

There will come very soon, a reckoning day,

Then, my parents will quit mocking me, I pray,

Perhaps, they'll think of me kindly, as their stomach contents are hurled.

THE SUN BURNED BRAIN

There was tremendous sunshine, slapping down upon my bare, fleshed skull,

It happened to my cousin Mitch, and he ended up thinking, dull,

Mitch, as the town, dullard thinker,

He became a happy drinker,

Then he'd pass out on the docks, and got pooped on by every gull.

MY LIPS WERE LIKE PIGGY EARS

I spent my savings going to trumpet college, to improve my embouchure,

I was told that my lips were like pig ears, making sounds that were hard to endure,

Still, I practiced long and practised hard,

Until, my sounds were completely bared,

I was sent home, never to perform or tour; a peasant job I did procure.

UNCLE LEE ON SATURDAY NIGHT

It's a Saturday night out for my old Uncle Lee,

He can kick up his heels, for a small price, nearly free,

There's  cards, darts, bingo and bowling,

Romance: there's vacant lot trolling,

Many find their true love, under the hazel nut tree.

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ARE THE PRODUCTS I MAKE SAFE? ASK MY LAWYERS

I can't get insurance to cover the product I make, ginger beer,

If a bunch of consumers drink it, and then die, that could cost me dear,

That happened when I made saltine crackers,

Those consumers became toe tag slackers,

I got bankrupt sued, and lost my house, and all my business backers.

PEGGY PEACOCK

Penny had a handsome, pet peacock, and Penny named him ABC,

ABC had a pretty, peacock girlfriend, known as 123, 

123 and ABC made a big egg,

The peacock that popped out, mama named her Peg,

Peg grew up, became a volunteer, and gave up her spare time for free.

DOG TURDS AND TRAPS: A LIFE WITH A PURPOSE

You see many monsters in the world, when you are just a little fly,

I'm just looking for some turds to eat, then I can lay all my eggs, and die,

It's easiest to follow dogs,

They're always dropping big, wet logs,

The monster humans often set fly traps out; they hate us; I wonder why?

A KATRINA GHOST STORY

Katrina sang while sailing, one calm sunny day,

Then she sailed her small boat, too far out on the bay,

Because her eyesight was poor,

Katrina couldn't find the shore,

Katrina's ghost is still singing, that's what some say.

KATRINA CAME BACK

I'm mad; my little, brat sister Katrina, got a brand new, baby horse,

The reason she got one is mommy and daddy, were getting a divorce,

Then Katrina rode away,

Didn't come back until today,

Katrina ran off fifty years ago, so mom and dad are dead, of course.

MY BACH CLOCK

Hickory, Dickery, Dock, my big clock chimes hourly, Sebastian Bach,

It dings Bach's Toccata in D Minor, all metered with a tic tock,

When in he Toccata phase,

My guests shower me with praise,

Some ask me if the clock could chime a version, in heavy metal rock.

EAGLES PREFER LAMB

The eagle likes my little lambs; he takes one once a day,

He flies them off into the mountains, that's where my lambs stay,

The eagle once took a rat,

And, a calico barn cat,

But, the rat and cat both wandered home, the very next day.

BLESSED IS THE PEACEMAKER, WHO TONES DOWN GRANDMA'S WRATH

Aunt Matilda took a shower, and Uncle Benny took a bath,

They slopped water all over, drenched the floor, which caused vexed grandma's wrath,

Grandma chewed on them all day,

She refused to hear their say,

Grandma might have yelled through the night, but for our peacemaker, Aunt Cath.

THE STREET ECONOMY

I went deep diving in a mini mall dumpster, to find a pair of shoes,

I had a nice matching red pair, but someone stole them when I took a snooze,

The dumpster was a smelly mess,

I didn't find shoes, but found a dress,

I traded the dress for a pair of boots, and a can of malt liquor booze.

LEAN-TO LIVING

I built me a lean-to, leaning into a big oak tree,

I used big pieces of metal, I picked them up for free,

A big fire makes it warm,

There is damage in a storm,

After a storm, one must rake the floor, to clear out debris. 

MY GIRLFRIEND DUMPED ME BECAUSE...

My girlfriend just got home from the hospital, and boy was she mad,

She said I should have stayed with her, when she was so puking sick and sad,

I said," sweet honey, what could I do? 

I didn't want to catch your nasty flu,

She kicked me out of her house that night; I guess we're through, who cares, my bad.

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