SPRING

Cold rainy weather makes us feel pain called, the cruds,

The arthritis pain, we fight with the suds,

We want mosquitos to bite,

To take our minds off our plight

While spring blooms bust out of their buds.

NO HORSE HONEY AT THE DERBY

I went to the Derby to get some horse honey,

But, I lost my big bet now I have no more money,

So, I'll go back to the shop,

Where I'll work there non-stop,

Tears falling as my nose runs it's honey.

MY QUEST FOR DIDGERIDOO KUNG FU

I always wanted a didgeridoo,

So, I went to Australia for one with Kung Fu,

But, a dingo gave a bite,

Now, my mind ain't quite right,

And, I hop like some fat kangaroo.

 

WHERE I GO PERCHING

Murky is the water where I catch my perch,

It's just a drainage ditch out near the canyon's old stone church,

It isn't all that far,

Driving out there with my car,

But, there's no phone so trouble could leave me in a lurch. 

BENNY GOLFED PAR WITH THE BIG BALL

Benny bought cheap glasses, and could barely see,

He used a soccer ball, when he went golfing with me,

The ball didn't travel far,

But it bounced into par,

It was a tough start, balancing the ball on the tee. 

THE TRAP ON THE GREEN

My Venus Fly Trap kills the flies,

It even eats the little guys,

It is so sad,

I feel so bad,

I cannot look them in the eyes.

WAVEY DAVY JOINS THE NAVY

My name is Ben Davey,

I did party at every ravey,

I joined the U.S. Navy,

Because I liked the gravy,

When I leave port, I give the shore a wavey.

FINGERING CHIP DIPS AND BUBBA THE DOG

I don't like it when the dog kisses me on my lips,

My hound Bubba kisses me after I eat salty kips,

He don't kiss when I eat sardines, 

Or a platter of fresh greens,

But he will lick my fingers, when I  run them through

 chip dips.

I SHARED MY HOME IN THE VILLAGE

I went into the village to find me some heat,

I found a huge box, lying free in the street,

I just got moved in,

And along comes my kin,

I let them all stay; they brought raisins to eat.

FISHING WITH TOAD

I use to go fishing with Toad,

He had a boat, but on it, he owed,

Then real early one morn,

Before the deer left the corn,

The bank took the boat down the road.

IT STINKS, BECAUSE THE DUCKS SCREWED AROUND

Two ducks travel with me in my Ford Motor car,

On long trips they pee in an old mason jar,

But one was wise-craken,  

The other laugh-quacken,

The spill smells like the urinal at the bar.

PHIL HAD DOWNHILL FUN

Donny had a red wagon, but it fit only one,

Donny  couldn't ride in it, because he weighed a ton,

So Donny sold it to Phil,

Who took it up the hill,

And went riding so fast, Phil had lots of fun.

THE GLITTER QUITTER CRITTER

Got me some eye makeup and glitter,

To make a new selfie for Twitter,

Made many fans bitter,

They called me a dimwiter,

I canceled my account, because I'm also a quitter.

ME AND TOAD GOT SNOWED

On the first day of May it snowed,

On the second day it blowed,

I did not care,

I live in despair,

I stayed indoors with my toad.

TOAD BOWELS TO.FEAR

We were exploring a dusty back road,

I and my friend/partner, Toad,

We were attacked by dire deer,

They didn't like Toad's species, I fear,

Poor toad, lost his entire bowel load.

TODAY WE CELEBRATE MAY DAY

Today we celebrate May Day, and I wished I got paid,

Worked as a plumber, gardener, and part-time meter maid,

I mow lawns for a buck,

Haul trash in my truck,

Yet I haven't got funds for one Gatorade.

HANK GOES FISHING (MISSING)

Hank went fishing in his boat with a hook, line, sinker and bobbin,

Fish were biting, but off his hook the worms they were robbin,

Then along came this toothy fish,

A thousand pounds of good nutrish,

Never found Hank, and that left the townies, all sobbin.

BARKING OFF THE WRONG TREE

Poor Lucinda got real bad sick, and turned a white and chalky way,

She ate poison tree bark, and putrefied into the clay, 

Lucinda had no money,

To leave to her son Sonny,

So Sonny moved into a box, beneath a bridge down by the bay.