MY FAMILY GOT RICH, AND I BECAME BEAR SCAT

I bought lots of life insurance, in case I got eaten by a bear,

I then got ate by a bear, but the wife and kids did not really care,

Insurance paid a million dollars in money,

Their dark days of mourning me, turned  very sunny,

The wife bought a much younger man; the kids each bought a crib in Bellaire.

LITTLE BRO ATE MY PET AND GOT A HUG

I walked out into the deepest lake water with my jug,

In my jug I caught a quick diving, big, black water bug,

My little bro wanted to eat my bug, pet,

I called little bro out with a dollar bet,

Little bro ate my bug then puked, and ma gave him a hug.

GOOD TIMES IN THE LATE 20TH CENTURY

I am going to weed in the garden, I am going to weed there all the day long,

Once I am done weeding in the garden, I will challenge my wife to a game of Pong,

My wife does not know the trick to making a score,

I win every time, her self-esteem is poor,

My brother just got a new video game, it's about some monkey, named Donkey Kong.

THE HORN TOOTER AND DING-DONG BELL

My little scooter had a horn tooter, and a ding-dong bell,

I'd ride my scooter behind someone, and my noise made them yell,

My parents got complaints,

No kids are ever saints,

Daddy took a  hammer, and for the scooter, it didn't end well.

2424

TRINA AND MOMMY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN: WAR

Sister Trina moved herself back in with our mommy,

Trina lost her job dancing, when she twisted her knee,

Trina can stay through week four,

Then, Trina is out the door,

Like a country song,

They don't get along,

They both fight like two tom cats, sometimes violently,

Both my mommy and big Sister just want to be free.

LEIGH AND LEO HAD A BIG CRY

Leigh and Leo had a bigly, bigly, bigly cry,

The vet put down their sick hound dog; he had to die,

But, by the next day

The boys were o.k.,

They had a new hound dog puppy; her name was Sky.

WARNING: DON'T TOUCH A DOWN ELECTRICAL WIRE WITH A RAKE

I rolled up my very long sleeves,

When I went out to rake some leaves,

Raked up under a pine,

A down electric line,

At my funeral, the wife grieves.  

11224

SISTER SANDY: THE OUTDOORS AND CINNAMON BUNS

Sandy is my sister, she lives out on the lakes,

She keeps her home nice and tidy, and cinnamon buns she bakes,

Sandy hunts buck deer, and big bears,

Panthers poop, when at them, she stares,

Happy Birthday Sandy, enjoy the ice creams, and the cakes.

FRED THE RED HAS GONE TO THE BAY

I had to box and bury my bestest friend, Fred,

My favorite goldfish, only he was more red,

He's now swimming today,

In a heavenly bay,

With all my other goldfish that I have found dead.

42224

UNCLE LEE, TOMATOES AND GHEE

No one has any groceries, except my skin flint, Uncle Lee,

He has two cans of tomatoes, and a l lb. jar of ghee,

Do you think he might share?

That greedy grizzly bear,

He might let you look at his stuff, but charge you a hefty fee.

4425

FOR THE LOVE OF LARRY: FAT COW ON THE PRAIRIE

I rode my horse out onto the prairie to find a lost cow,

It was my kid Larry's loving pet; I wanted a bow wow,

I spied the cow running through tall, brown grass,

A grizzly bear was chasing the cow mass,

I saved the fat cow with my rifle skill, only one shot, POW!

MOM UNHAPPY

I fried some corn kernels, in some ghee, and my homemade apple butter,

I poured all the fried corn in a bowel, and I served it to my mutter,

She yelled, and said it was my fault,

For never adding enough salt,

Ma said the kernels were hard, so I gave her a knife for a cutter.

MAMA'S WAY: BE DECISIVE WHEN HANDLING LIFE'S PROBLEMS

I keep trudging on, because I always think there is some hope,

My mama told me that type of thinking, makes me a big dope,

Mama did not have a single care,

She was an aggressive grizzly bear,

She ate anyone who upset her, that's how she learned to cope.

THE GREASY, STINKY, SIMPLE BOY CAME CLEAN

My grandpa said my hair was too greasy, my grandma said I smell,

They took me out back of the house, and dropped me down their garden well,

They threw me down some soap and said,

Clean yourself from toes to your head

After I came up from the well, I got to ring the dinner bell.

UNCLE DALE'S TOENAILS AND BURGERS

I made me a burger, but it was a food fail,

When I bit into the meat I found a toenail, 

Couldn't tell from which creature,

Came the unsightly bod feature,

But, nearby were nail clippers, belonging to Dale.

62923

GRANDMA: MEATS AND SMELLS

I put on my red ridding hood, and took a stroll down a dire, woodsy path,

I was on my way to grandma's small, backwoods, house, to see what meats she do hath,

Grandma always has lots of red meat,

That's why I sneak over there to eat,

We always eat in the open air outside; grandma smells bad, for lack of bath.

CECIL DIESEL: THE MATH RAT THAT MOCKS CAT

Cecil Diesel is a very mean, but intelligent rat,

He made my big pussy cat cry, when he said she was too fat,

Cecil is great with my twin kids,

When their math grades were on the skids,

Cecil taught the kids quadratic equations; I'm up with that.

HIGH PRICES + MEDICAL BILLS = PAWN SHOP

I can't feed my grade school babies, I cannot feed my tropical fish,

I just want all the high produces to go down, that is what I wish,

My tough wife stepped on a big, rusty nail,

My youngest got his head stuck in a pail,

Medical bills piled up, so I pawned grandma's silver candy dish..

UNCLE LEE IN THE SALMON, AND A TREE IN THE DIRT

There was a big blue boat, the name was The Alfalfa Glee,

The boat went out racing around, and ran down Uncle Lee,

It chunked Lee right up,

Made him salmon sup,

There was no body to bury, so we planted a tree.

52425

THE VAMPIRE DRINKS ON HOLIDAYS

The ginger boy was frightened, his hair turned from red to gray,

For he saw a wretched vampire, on St. Crispness Day,

The boy watched his sister,

Get a vampire neck twister,

After the vampire drank her blood, he just flew away.