DADDY SELLS MEDICAL SUPPLIES III (NON ORGAN DONOR MARKET)

Daddy goes out on the street, very late at night,

Looking for used body parts, when supplies are tight,

When old organs fail,

Daddy finds some for sale,

Guaranteed to fit the wealthy client, just right.

DADDY SELLS MEDICAL SUPPLIES, AND MOMMY WANTS HER CUT

Daddy sells appendages like human fingers and human toes,

Surprising what rich people pay, for a pretty human nose,

Organs are where the money's at,

My mommy tells my daddy that,

Mommy has gotten more involved, as daddy's business grows.

DADDY PLAYS BANJO WITH THE ANGELS

Daddy never said goodbye that day,

When daddy took his banjo away,

He left no kiss for ma,

Or beer for grandpa,

If I had known, I'd have begged him to stay.

DINO RAMPAGE

The dinosaur in my crawlspace, ate my dog and cat,

I told him it wasn't funny, and that he was not all that!

That big buns dino turd,

Never heard one word,

He ate my sister Sarah, and my little brother Pat.

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MICKEY THE PICKY

Mickey The Picky, was a big, meany grouch,

He laid around and complained, from his stuffed couch,

That made mom and dad,

Fell terribly sad,

So they gave Mickey many coins for his coin pouch.

THE HORN TOOTER AND DING-DONG BELL

My little scooter had a horn tooter, and a ding-dong bell,

I'd ride my scooter behind someone, and my noise made them yell,

My parents got complaints,

No kids are ever saints,

Daddy took a  hammer, and for the scooter, it didn't end well.

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MUDDY BLOOD, BUT PROBLEM SOLVED

I went broke buying online subscriptions, and had to sell blood,

My blood was rejected, because it looked too much like mud,

I sold the kidney on my right,

Had to do it, money was tight,

Now, I've inherited a fortune from my Great Grand Uncle Bud.

ICH DOWN THE TOILET

My diseased guppy has a case of ich,

The poor little fish seems awfully sick,

Some think it is very strange,

His funeral I'll arrange,

He'll be flushed out to the septic, real quick.

I DIG POTATOES AND WATCH THE GOAT

I found a little fig,

It seemed to dance a jig,

Was ate by a goat named Tig,

Who chewed up my daddy's wig,

All, while potatoes I did dig.

THE BEAST RUINED OUR CHRISTMAS FEAST

I chopped some firewood to cook the beast,

It was the main course at our Christmas feast,

But the beast was not dead,

It bit off my head,

That was the scenario I planned for, the least.

NINE GUMS HIS PENCILS

I had a good buddy they called Nine Times Ten,

He did math with a pencil, and never used pen,

He was good with his math sums,

Chewed his pencil with his gums,

Nine lost his teeth; fisted by big brother Glen.

MY SHOWER ROPE WAS EMPTY

Mason used up all the soap,

So, all I had was an empty rope,

So, I used up his shampoo,

Got even, true,

Now, he won't be telling ma, that I'm just a stupid dope.

I WON'T BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

I checked the long range forecast, and it does not look very fine,

I won't be home again for Christmas, and this makes it number nine,

I'll miss the spiral ham,

Glazed by grandma Bam,

And grandpa Bam is severely old, and his health in steep decline.

THE CANDY ABUSER WAS A COMPLETE LOSER

The candy store man had no teeth left in his daft head,

His teeth rotted away, because on candy he fed,

His kid's teeth were all fillings,

Because of cavity drillings,

So his wife served him with papers, and now they're unwed.

WOULD YOU LIKE A SPIT OF TURKEY

We have a chew and spit contest, on each Turkey Day,

We chew up our turkey, then spit it away,

We spit it at grandma, we spit it at pa,

We spit it at the twins, Ziggy and Spa,

The winner gets stuffing and gravy, hurrah!

CHICKEN, GREASE AND BUNNIES

I bought some little chunks of chicken to deep fry in bacon grease,

That's what we'll have for Christmas, because my bird shot missed the geese, 

Although I'm in the habit,

Of eating Christmas rabbit,

The bunnies, this year looked so cute, that I left them all in peace.

I FOUND MY FAMILY IN MY TEA

I found a sea horse swimming in my instant tea,

I really do not know how he got there, to be,

I put him in a glass bowl,

So he could stretch out his soul,

I now have a family, my sea horse and me.

WE EAT WHAT DADDY GROWS IN THE GARDEN, NOT

Ben's peppers were an abnormal hot,

They made all his kids noses, run snot,

Kids would not eat them,

They stayed on the stem,

Until they became putrid with rot.

THE INSATIABLE COUGAR LIMERICK

A cougar kept scratching at my door,

I fed him the kids, but he wanted more,

So I let him into my house,

He scarfed down my spouse,

Then he bit off my head, I feel sore. 

MEAT, THE IN-LAWS

Henry had a wolverine, he raised it from a small pup,

Now Henry cannot feed the critters 24 hour sup,

So I took the critter off Henry's hands,

Set it free on my northern lands,

I told my in-laws they could camp for free, if they should come up.