PIMPLES, WARTS AND COURTS

Parker was a big pimple, who had a home on Denny's knee,

Denny popped Parker Pimple, then Denny's knee was pimple free,

Then there was Denny's Hilda, a lawyer turned nose wart,

Hilda stopped being removed, by order of the court,

Denny still dug Hilda out, then in contempt of court was he.

SECOND WORLD

I went downhill skiing, and ran into a tree,

I was dead on the scene, and they couldn't revive me,

While I drifted into the sky,

I waved to my body, goodbye,

Then I smelled dad's dark coffee, and mom's ginger tea.

SPRING FORWARD TIME TRAVEL 👎

I dislike it when the Spring clock gets moved forward, one hour,

It clearly disrupts my time traveler super power,

It hurts my quantum brain,

My thoughts drift to insane,

Now, we're all fighting, over our a.m. scheduled shower.

EATING THE MOUTH FOAMER ON EASTER DAY

The big rabbit I shot has rabies, is he still safe to eat?

I promised the kids a rabbit for an Easter dinner treat,

It's kind of sickly, spongy meat,

Maybe kill the rabies, with heat?

I'll try feeding it to grandpa, then with the kids, I'll repeat.

A FLYING FRY CAN PUT OUT AN EYE

The meal I made had become weaponized,

The kids were fighting each other with fries,

Surrounded by missile booms,

I sent all kids to their rooms,

I stand determined that nobody dies.

SUSTAINED BY THE EARTH AND SEA

I cannot afford eggs, but I got some egg shells for free,

They fell from a nest, underneath my weeping willow tree,

The egg shells were baby, sky blue,

The color excited my stew,

I flavored it with salt, harvested from the coral sea.

PHOENIX, BEANS AND JEANS

Phoenix is a great big pit bull, and he likes his navy beans,

I mix in a little meat, and about 1/2 cup of greens,

Phoenix sleeps in my kid's bed,

Phoenix farts, oh dread, oh dread,

If that isn't bad enough, Phoenix chews holes in all our jeans.

THE PLASTIC PLANT AUNT

I love my plastic, indoor palm tree plant,

I inherited it fro!m my dearest, sweet aunt,

It does not mind, colder or hotter,

It can stand the lacking of water,

Can it melt in the front window? It can't.

RAT DANCING WITH PHIL THE PHILISTINE

My brother was truly, a philistine, so he liked to sleep outside,

He moved into the old chicken coup, with the chickens he could confide,

He didn't like culture, so much,

With family, not in touch,

My brother did come to my wedding, and danced the rat dance with my bride.

JUMPING TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF PAUL

The chicken wings are in the deep freezer; the pails of beer are in the fridge,

Grandpa is an old geezer, but he can't keep up drinking beer with Aunt Midge,

For the birthday party for Paul,

I invited everyone I could call,

I offered each a teaser; regarding bungee jumping off of the bridge,

VIOLENT BEAST HAS BEEN "ZOOED"

My pet camel bit me, so I sold him to the zoo,

After that horrific attack, what else would you do?

 I named him Uncle Terry,!

He likes sniffing strawberry,

If you don't have strawberry, lavender scent will woo. 

ME AND MY TWIN AND THE BOAT

Although our summer boat was small, and made with tin,

It was the fishing vessel of myself, and twin,

We'd row on the lake,

To hook a fish steak,

Mostly, we got a severe sunburn on our skin.

GAMMA GRANDMA AND THE MONKEYS PAW

My monkey's unearthly armpits, smell like bananas,

Not like chunk, diced onions, emanating from nana's,

My monkey's little paw,

Reminds me of grandma,

Her skin is so wrinkled, from sunbathing in gammas.

TRINA AND THE FIZZY DRINK

My big sister, Trina, wanted me to get her a fizzy drink,

I just scooped up some soapy water, from the bottom of the sink,

She sipped some fizzy, and well,

The sink bottom, I now dwell,

The worst thing is the garbage disposal,  it makes a big, loud clink.

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THE WE WALLOP WINKY

I would very often get a wallop, alongside my head,

It's the Winky family language, no words are ever said,

All is quiet as a cold, dead mouse,

In my Grandma Winky's little house,

It is where we're born, and we live, and wallop, until we're dead.

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BIRTH OF AI SALESMAN

I got a knock on my front door, and it was a pushy, AI,

It was selling life insurance, and said it was my time to buy,

It said AI knows all,

I had better not stall,

It was bad news, which upset my nana, and she started to cry.

FINANCES GOT UGLY, SO I MOVED IN WITH MY HALF BRO

I went gaming online, and lost a bundle of cash,

I moved in with my brother, and he's what you'd call, trash,

I sold my yacht, car and boat,

My home, jewels and fur coat,

And, a sticky dump with dirt floors, is now where I crash.

WHAT DOES A TIGER EAT? ANYTHING HE WANTS

I bought a giant pet tiger, and I fed him noodles and cake,

Yet, somehow he just was not happy, and one day he did awake,

He ate my guppies, dogs and cats,

Ate my spouse, and kids, they were brats,

Then my pet tiger chewed on me, and caused all my bones to ache.

EXTREME COLD: MICHIGAN, THE FREEZER STATE

I ran into my Uncle Karl, who lives down in the del,

By the size of his stomach, I knew that Karl wintered well,

Taters and fried cakes,

Is just what it takes,

To survive winters in Michigan, if that is where you dwell.

I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,

The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,

That's the last pie,

Until I die,

Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.