LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
family
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
family
.
Show all posts
Saturday, December 14, 2024
WHAT DOES A TIGER EAT? ANYTHING HE WANTS
I bought a giant pet tiger, and I fed him noodles and cake,
Yet, somehow he just was not happy, and one day he did awake,
He ate my guppies, dogs and cats,
Ate my spouse, and kids, they were brats,
Then my pet tiger chewed on me, and caused all my bones to ache.
Friday, December 13, 2024
EXTREME COLD: MICHIGAN, THE FREEZER STATE
I ran into my Uncle Karl, who lives down in the del,
By the size of his stomach, I knew that Karl wintered well,
Taters and fried cakes,
Is just what it takes,
To survive winters in Michigan, if that is where you dwell.
Saturday, December 7, 2024
I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them
I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,
The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,
That's the last pie,
Until I die,
Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.
Monday, December 2, 2024
THE BLINGING OF THE KING
I went to Utah to visit our dear King,
He was so unhappy, because of the thing,
He had been extremely jolly,
After he married Queen Polly,
But, then she divorced him and took all his bling.
Tuesday, November 19, 2024
I SEE THE CAN AS HALF FULL
Our outdoor potty seems far, far away,
As the cold wind blows on this winter day,
There is the old coffee can,
Half filled by our cousin, Ann,
I will top it off, then inside I'll stay.
Sunday, November 17, 2024
CANDY CANE BELLY JUICE, AND PORCELAIN
Jimmy found a porcelain toilet, he could use on Christmas Eve,
Jimmy liked eating candy canes, but the canes would make him heave,
On this holiday,
Jimmy stayed with Aunt May,
Aunt May cooked our nice meal, so belly sick Jimmy, could not leave.
Saturday, November 2, 2024
WARNING: DON'T TOUCH A DOWN ELECTRICAL WIRE WITH A RAKE
I rolled up my very long sleeves,
When I went out to rake some leaves,
Raked up under a pine,
A down electric line,
At my funeral, the wife grieves.
Thursday, October 17, 2024
THE GEEK WHO WENT TO CREEK
In the Michigan city, called Battle Creek,
I went to a thrift store and bought an antique,
A cute porcelain bear,
With ginger colored hair,
When I took it home, my kids called me a geek.
Wednesday, September 11, 2024
The family wanted me to treat,
By paying for a burger-fries eat,
But they are full of vicious deceit,
They never can lift the toilet seat,
So no to treat of taters and meat.
11822
Tuesday, September 3, 2024
OTTO AND HIS LITTLE CAR, AND THE DEALERSHIP
Otto bought a brand new car, but it wasn't nearly big enough,
When Otto went to the grocery store, he didn't have room for stuff,
He had food for just half his kids,
The others had to hit the skids,
Otto tried taking back his car, but the dealer was mean and tough.
Saturday, August 31, 2024
MABEL, HUBBY AND BEANS IN THE TEENS
Mabel the cook, makes baked, delicious, pork beans
She feeds them to her four kids, the in-be-tweens,
Hubby will eat pie,
The beans he won't try,
Hubby says beans bloat him up, into fat jeans.
Thursday, August 8, 2024
STINKY LITTLE BROTHER CAME CLEAN
There was a clean scented squirrel named Amy,
She had a little brother that smelled gamey,
She had the super power,
Shoved him into the shower,
Now both sibling squirrels smell the samey.
Thursday, June 13, 2024
I THINK WE CELEBRATED WITH SAM
I use to have a pony, and his name was Sam,
One day Sam disappeared; the day ma fixed a ham,
It was one glorious beast,
The ham was our Christmas feast,
We all got bloated guts, especially, aunt Pam.
Friday, May 3, 2024
THE LAST BOY TO SELL BANANAS
The last boy to sell bananas, sold them on the main city street,
He made money selling bananas, because they are good to eat,
He stole them from daddy's small store,
Then, deliveries came no more,
Bananas had gone extinct, so the boy sold pickled piggy feet.
Friday, April 26, 2024
"STICKY FINGERS" RODNEY RAN THE TILL
The gross profit results looked extremely odd,
So, I took it to my accountant, named Todd,
He said someone's been stealing,
From the till, they've been peeling,
I knew it was my daughter's boyfriend, named Rod.
Wednesday, April 24, 2024
MY FLOWERS DIED, THANKS SIS!
My new potable flowers came in the mail,
I planted them deep, on my walk, in a pail,
They were lots of pretty,
Prettied my trashy city,
Then sister peed on them, to empty out ale.
Monday, April 22, 2024
FRED THE RED HAS GONE TO THE BAY
I had to box and bury my bestest friend, Fred,
My favorite goldfish, only he was more red,
He's now swimming today,
In a heavenly bay,
With all my other goldfish that I have found dead.
Saturday, March 30, 2024
DADDY SELLS MEDICAL SUPPLIES III (NON ORGAN DONOR MARKET)
Daddy goes out on the street, very late at night,
Looking for used body parts, when supplies are tight,
When old organs fail,
Daddy finds some for sale,
Guaranteed to fit the wealthy client, just right.
Wednesday, March 27, 2024
DADDY SELLS MEDICAL SUPPLIES, AND MOMMY WANTS HER CUT
Daddy sells appendages like human fingers and human toes,
Surprising what rich people pay, for a pretty human nose,
Organs are where the money's at,
My mommy tells my daddy that,
Mommy has gotten more involved, as daddy's business grows.
Tuesday, March 5, 2024
DADDY PLAYS BANJO WITH THE ANGELS
Daddy never said goodbye that day,
When daddy took his banjo away,
He left no kiss for ma,
Or beer for grandpa,
If I had known, I'd have begged him to stay.
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