TODD LOST HIS BASE

Todd looked all over the place,

But his feet couldn't find third base,

Todd was tagged out and became a disgrace,

No one would look him in the face,

Except Jean, who gave Todd bear mace,

Todd moved away to another place,

Where Todd just watched the ponies race,

And no one got on his case.

THE BOY AND THE FISH

Where are all the little fish,

I use to see here all the time,

When I waded out past the lily pads,

And, the gross, green frog egg slime,

It's such a trudge out into the lake,

With a cane poll in one hand,

In the other hand I hold a sack of worms,

Sealed with mama's rubber band,

 Now, I cast around my cane poll,

On the end is a hook with a piece of worm,

I let the hook and worm sink down,

Waiting for the line to start to squirm,

Back in school I am no athlete,

Nor, no great brain in second grade,

But, out here I'm a genius Olympian,

Because, I know where and how to wade,

I move slowly leaving a grazing wake,

Then, stop  still at the edge of a deep drop,

Thinking, the time I take is the time I take,

That was taught me by my late pop,

I pull back my cane poll and back flies the hook,

The line drops behind me several feet,

Whipping the poll makes line and bait fly,

The bait plops now, the setup is complete,

In just a moment my lines runs out further, really tight,

Then, slacks-off as it comes toward me,

It turns again, now it's a fight,

It is a big one, I can see,

I see it is a great big bass,

It leaps and fights to be free,

But, he's hooked good, he's going nowhere,

except to supper for mom and me,

I had no net to land the big fish,

So, I backed up pulling him toward the shore,

Working him through the lily pads,

Was a relentless, unplanned chore,

Since it was pan-fish I catch near those lily pads,

The bass must of scared them off this day,

Of course, the big fish is better for dinner,

Because, they're boneless and easy to fillet,

 

I've got the fish out of the water,

I'm pulling him far up on the land,

It don't matter now if the hook pops out when he flops,

He'll just flip and flop in the sand,

 

 

 

I STAYED UP WITH FREDDY

I went out to see the super full moon,

I watched it with Freddy, he's a raccoon,

But uncommonly thick,

Was the blood sucking tick,

And you had to dig the critters out with a spoon.

ALIEN DINNER DATE

I dated an alien from Omicron Eat,

They had no arms, but had kick-ass feet,

They made me a meal,

Out of Omicron eel,

With rolls made from Omicron wheat.

PORCH PIRATE HIDE AND SEEK

I spied a pirate on my porch, and he was a sneak,

Before he grabbed my package, he took a gallon leak,

It was the pirate's fate,

The package had great weight,

The pirate could not run fast, and will play justice hide and seek.

PORCH PIRATES ARE REAL, AND THEY KNOW HOW TO STEAL

I caught a porch pirate stealing and he laughed and said, "Aye, Aye,"

Then he grabbed all my packages, and ran saying, "Bye, Bye,"

Then he got into his car,

Drove off to lands distant and far,

I then told all the family, and they went "Cry, Cry."

THE POISONOUS MUSHROOM DIRGE

Poisonous Mushrooms,
Take, bake, intake, forsake,
Bellyache, quake, wake.

SHOES, SOCKS AND STOCKS

I do not have two shoes that fit,

Nor, even matching socks,

For I lost all my money,

When, I put it all in stocks,

My broker told me to buy this and that,

And, blindly I obeyed,

As he became commission fat,

My wallet became thinner as I paid,

Soon, I had no money,

Alas, I even lost my house,

I had to give up my dog Sonny,

When, divorced became my spouse,

  

Now, at least my broker is doing well,

He invested in real estate,

He bought an upscale hotel,

Now, on easy street he'll skate.  

THE LOG IN MY COFFEE

In my cup of coffee I spotted a log,
When I examined it closer I saw a big polliwog,
Then, he said to me,
"I don't like coffee; make tea,"
So, I tossed the ingrate to my hungry dog.

LIL Limerick

There was a sweet lady named Lil,
She worked down at the bar and grill,
She'd do as you please,
With more onions and cheese,
Her burgers were just such a thrill.