LARRY'S PET COW BLOWS NOSE

Larry has a very sick pet cow, it has a hot, runny nose,

Every time the fat cow sneezes, 10 lbs of yellow shot it blows,

The sneezing started late yesterday,

The cow was gorging on fresh cut hay,

The cow might be poisoned; she drank water from a crop duster hose.

MY AI IS AN ALCOHOLIC

My new AI came to work stinking drunk, today,

He would not do anything, on my screen he lay,

Should I rat, and tell my boss,

Mr. AI will get the toss,

Maybe I'll blackmail AI, then I'll get my way.

THE SHARKS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

There's sharks in Grand Traverse Bay,
Otherwise, it's a nice place to stay,
But, the sharks always attack,
Few swimmers come back,
And, upfront at hotels you must pay.

5217

SNOOKEY THE SHARK LIVES IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

Snookey the Shark lives in Grand Traverse Bay,

She eats every swimmer that swims in her way,

But, every Fourth of July,

She eats every swimmer, oh my,

Then, she burps for the rest of the day.

101621

WHEN HUNGRY, I LOOK UNDER THE LAWNMOWER

I had nothing more to eat, but a slice of stale moldy bread,

I looked under the lawnmower, and found there a meal, instead,

There was snakeskin with some sticky meat,

And, cut grass with clover; what a treat,

I ate something; had two eyes; it was all red, fury and dead. 

UNCLE LEE, TOMATOES AND GHEE

No one has any groceries, except my skin flint, Uncle Lee,

He has two cans of tomatoes, and a l lb. jar of ghee,

Do you think he might share?

That greedy grizzly bear,

He might let you look at his stuff, but charge you a hefty fee.

4425

FOR THE LOVE OF LARRY: FAT COW ON THE PRAIRIE

I rode my horse out onto the prairie to find a lost cow,

It was my kid Larry's loving pet; I wanted a bow wow,

I spied the cow running through tall, brown grass,

A grizzly bear was chasing the cow mass,

I saved the fat cow with my rifle skill, only one shot, POW!

DISAPPEARING KOI: THE SPLEEN KILLER

Algae turned my backyard, fish pond, dark green,

And, my cute koi I had not today, seen,

I took a quick dive in

Got a bite on my skin,

It got infected, and I lost my spleen.

THE BARTERING AND THE TICK WHACKING MASON

I hired a local mason to lay me Chicago bricks,

I paid him with real green firewood, and a whole bunch of sticks,

He built a solid brick wall,

I knew it would never fall,

He enjoyed his firewood, and used the sticks for whacking ticks. 

MOM UNHAPPY

I fried some corn kernels, in some ghee, and my homemade apple butter,

I poured all the fried corn in a bowel, and I served it to my mutter,

She yelled, and said it was my fault,

For never adding enough salt,

Ma said the kernels were hard, so I gave her a knife for a cutter.

A FUSS OVER A DEAD PAPER RAT

Sue used her new origami skills, to fold a paper dead rat,

Sue placed the paper rat under her ex-husbands fedora, hat,

Her ex grabbed his hat to go,

Saw the rat, and backed up slow,

Then, he ran out to his sports car; Sue's villainy, he did not know.

TRINA'S CHRISTMAS TRINKET SALE

Trina spent her whole year making tiny gold, Christmas trinkets to sell,17

Each trinket was a painted, plastic elf, and it sold very well,17

She only sold boy elves,

But, they flew off the shelves,

How to tell if a someone has exquisite taste? If they have Trina's Trinkets, that's how one tells.

SKUNK VS BEAR

I walked into the forest, and witnessed a rabbit being eaten by a bear,

The enormous bear ate the entire rabbit, including the claws, ears and hair,

The bear looked my way,

I stood tailed up that day,

But, the big bad bear ran away from my glare; I'm a skunk and my weapon is air.

WAR OF THE WORLDS: THE WECKONING

I built a giant rocket ship, but up to planet mars, it would not go,

It was unbelievably too heavy; its resulting liftoff, too slow,

We whittled the spaceship down,

Launched it in parts, from the ground,

Once assembled in space, we rocketed to mars, and stole the Martian's doe.

MAMA'S WAY: BE DECISIVE WHEN HANDLING LIFE'S PROBLEMS

I keep trudging on, because I always think there is some hope,

My mama told me that type of thinking, makes me a big dope,

Mama did not have a single care,

She was an aggressive grizzly bear,

She ate anyone who upset her, that's how she learned to cope.

LISTEN TO YOUR CANDY CANE

I'm a little, green striped, candy cane,

I've got a real, human, working brain,

The tongue licks, they tickle,

I taste like a pickle,

If you think I'm talking, you're insane.

THE MARTIAN WHO WON A TRIP TO GANYMEDE

I won a trip to the moon, Ganymede, and stayed at a 25 star hotel,

Ganymede is a beautiful moon-planet, but it is not managed very well,

Too many people from earth,

All they do is steal and birth,

Ganymede natives need to send earth people back, for their evils, and they smell.