MOOSE THE GOOSE MADE CLYDE HIDE

I had a hound dog, my pa named him Clyde,

Clyde took off running from the farm, to hide,

Clyde tangled with Moose,

Our goose that got loose,

Moose bit Clyde on his back, bottom and side.

FEAST AROUND AND FIND OUT: THE IVY FUR BOOT STORY

I had beautiful ivy plants, growing by my old barn, 

I found my Ivy plants dead, one day, and I said, "oh, darn",  

Two groundhogs ate the tender roots,

Hogs feel good, in my fur lined boots,

Now I won't need to knit new socks, so I'll return the yarn. 

THE FOREST PRIMEVAL MONSTER

I went to the snow filled forest, Primeval, today,

To cut down some trees, to heat my cabin until May,

Used a sleigh, pulled by dogs,

To bring back all my logs,

A forest monster, followed me back to where I stay.

I MET HER IN MANCELONA: COUGAR EYES AND BAD BREATH

I went to Mancelona just to see where it is at,

The only thing I found there was a female, cougar cat,

The cougar decided to eat,

I had blubber, but not much meat,

I think amongst cougar cats, eating tourists is so, brat.

CRITTER STEW FOR TWO

I found some dry hickory, so I lit it to make a winter stew,

I threw in the stew a snow bunny, a dead frog and something that flew,

The stew bubbled, and the fire hissed,

Soon, the critter stew, my fat lips kissed,

After dinner I took a nap, while my dog Dexter dropped his poo.

WHAT DOES A TIGER EAT? ANYTHING HE WANTS

I bought a giant pet tiger, and I fed him noodles and cake,

Yet, somehow he just was not happy, and one day he did awake,

He ate my guppies, dogs and cats,

Ate my spouse, and kids, they were brats,

Then my pet tiger chewed on me, and caused all my bones to ache.

BFF BLUE PIG

My bestie, blue pig, got all covered with the mud,

I set him down in a tub of hot soapy sud,

He let on a big, loud squeal,

Like a braked Chevy wheel,

The water was too hot, and boiled my best bud.

SNOWBOUND: SQUIRRELS, SOCKS AND NUTS

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me,

They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree,

As winter cold hits the fan,

Each squirrel and each man,

Know they'd best stock up on food, before the coming white sea.

HANNIBAL IN THE HAY

Once upon a time, there was a pig, named Hannibal,

He liked eating bacon, and was called a cannibal,

On one nice, sunny, fine day,

He fell asleep in the hay,

He was then ate raw by a human, called Animal.

THE NAUGHTY CUTIE CAT

I played with his new sneakers, and his sneakers were blue,

I chewed on his iconic socks, and they were blue too,

I'm the cutie cat, named Fred,

Thinking, I'll pee in his bed,

But I'm afraid I'll get caged-up, like the cat at the zoo.

THE GUESTS AT MY BED AND DINNER

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in,

In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin,

We were all warm and cozy,

While the outside got snowzy,

Next day, I ate the rats for my six o'clock din.

TIGER, TIGER, FATTY MEAT

I dream all day long of pickled pigs feet,

It's the only food for super I'll eat,

I chew on the thick pig fat,

Thinking I'm one tiger cat,

Gnawing from the bones the fat and the meat.

MY CANARY IN THE COAL MINE

I took my canary into the coal mine, but he did not do too well,

My canary started teetering on one foot, then off his perch he fell,

A bad poisonous gas,

Through his bird lungs did pass,

Too bad my birdie died that day, for I had bought him a new seed shaped bell.

I LOST MY JOB IN AEROSPACE

My boss kicked me hard, down the unemployment path,

Because my employer required I do math,

But not too long out the door,

I got work moping a floor,

On weekends at the zoo, I scrub down the giraffe.

COUNTRY KIDS DO THE DARNDEST THINGS

I went to the dead critter store, and bought me fresh ground beef,

I took it home to my young'uns for their famine relief,

But the kids did not care,

They were eating a bear,

They had scraped bear meat off the street, it was roadkill, good grief.

BEAR TRAP

A griz set a bear trap in front of my front door,

When J stepped into the bear trap, my foot got sore,

I yelled really loud,

Didn't attract a crowd,

Then the grizzly bear ate, until I was no more.

PAPPY THE PIG AND PINKER TOO

Everywhere that pappy pig went, Pinker was surely to go,

Pinker had the bad flatulence, and he let everybody know,

Embarrassing pappy,

Made Pinker real happy,

When they got home, pappy gave Pinker lectures, and Pinker felt woe.🐖

PAPPY THE PIG AND PINKER

I have a nice pink colored pet pig, named Pinker,

He fishes with a cane pole, bobber and sinker,

Just like his dear, old pappy,

Pinker likes to catch crappie, 

Like pappy, Pinker is a soda pop drinker.

WHEN THE BEAR POUND, I GO UNDERGROUND

I heard a loud pound, pound, pounding on my door in back,

It was a grizzly bear, wanting his afternoon snack,

The old grizzly wanted me,

To digest in his belly,

I hid in the basement, because courage I did lack.

TEA WITH THE THREE BEARS

When the three bears came to visit, they were really, really nice,

They bought over some sweet tea, flavored with a cinnamon spice,

As I sipped on their tea,

The bears talked constantly,

Then they took me out to dinner; we had pork and some fried rice.