DADDY CLEANS FISH (EYES WIDE OPEN)

Daddy told me that fish don't feel any pain, when you scrape off all their scales,

He said fish just feel a soft, soothing tickle, when you pull out their entrails,

Daddy said the fish all think it's really funny,

When you cut off their heads and the blood gets runny,

But, those fish head eyes looked really mad, so I rushed them out to the garbage pails.

MOZART'S TIT SINGS

There was a little titmouse chirping in a tree,

The little titmouse chirped and chirped, a Mozart melody,

It was the Turkish March, chirped he,

He chirped Mozart, repeatedly,

Now that tune repeats in my head, and my brain cells can't break free.

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BAD BILLY CLARK, THE SHARK

I rode my new dirt bike out into the sea,

Then, it stopped running , when I needed to flee,

For along came a big shark,

Locals called him Billy Clark,

Billy Clark took off my left leg at the knee.

LEIGH AND LEO GET BEED

Leigh and Leo were sitting high up in an oak tree,

Watching squirrels steal honey from the cute, honey bee, 

The bees started to gang sting,

The squirrels were retreating,

The bees turned to Leigh and Leo; they both fell to flee.

I DID NOT KNOW BEARS ATE FRUIT FOR DESERT

I was real hungry, when I caught a baby chipmunk in my baby chipmunk snare,

The baby chipmunk begged me not to eat him; his little body, I did a spare,

Along came a grizzly bear,

He grabbed me by my hair,

I begged him not to eat me, but he feasted on my body, then enjoyed a pear.

THE LIFE CYCLES OF THE CORN KERNEL

Carol was a canned corn kernel, she lived in a bowl of soup,

After a big grizzly bear ate her, she came out whole, in poop,

Carol missed her days in the can,

She missed her kernel boyfriend, Dan,

Dan was swallowed by a chicken, hen, and taken to a coup.

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THE GRIZZLY BEAR CUISINE

There were two old grizzly bears, and they lived out in the woods,

They grew their own potatoes, and hunted Red Ridding Hoods,

They also liked their red beans,

And occasional sardines,

The bears often shopped the farm market, for fresh garden goods.

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THE SHEEP KEEPER

I bought me an old country farm to raise me free roaming sheep,

Roaming sheep are so very pretty, and quite easy to keep,

Here is the real deal,

They get a free meal,

But, if they get in front of my pickup, they get a beep, beep.

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STRETCH OUT CHILI BY ADDING BEANS

A bear ate the weather woodchuck, and I don't know what that means,

Will winter be long or short, or somewhere inbetweens,

Will we get northern snow,

Or, a warm southern blow,

Will my chili be all meat, or almost 2/3rds beans.

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NATURE CLEARS AWAY DEBRIS, THAT'S WHY THE VULTURES WILL EAT ME

I see vultures circling me, like I am a prise, 

I get it, I am dead, and they want to chew my eyes,

On the sand beach, I lay where I lied,

Big birds will soon eat away my hide,

Maybe I've been ate out by worms, "hey big birds, surprise".

THE GREAT TUNA GOD

The great, grand tuna god of elves, trolls and gnomes,

He is always reciting gross, fishy poems,

He likes poems about bass,

Because they rhyme with gut gas,

And, poems about dog fish with rabies, and mouth foams.

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CARING FOR REINDEER AFTER CHRISTMAS, A BUSINESS MODEL

After Christmas, you'll see reindeer meat is extremely cheap,

It always is, once Santa has parked his red flying heap,

Santa cashes in for greed,

Saves big bucks on reindeer feed,

Santa waits until late fall, then rounds up reindeer for the leap.

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FOOD FOR THE FERRELL

All of the kitty cat lips, were all tongue licken, 

In the garbage, there was the skin of a chicken,

The wicked aroma that smelled,

All kitty attention, it held,

Along came a bear, and kitty hearts, did quicken.

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BARNEY DOESN'T MURDER THINGS, HE JUST CLEANS UP THE SCENE

Barney is a big, old buzzard; he lives in my tart, cherry tree,

He's been eating on the carcasses of a ground hog family,

All the babies, mom and dad,

All passed, they looked very sad,

Guess Barney was there to clean it up, so no one else had to see.

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT AND I, SWAMP CAMP

We're home; my gentle tender foot and I,

To our Bayou, tent camp, we said goodbye

We had an invader,

A ten foot alligator,

The alligator gave us each, the eye.

THE CANARY AND THE RAVEN, A CAUTIONARY TALE

I had a big pet raven, and he liked to eat canary,

He used to eat them by the bunch, like a small, yellow berry,

The canary birds worked together,

Netted my raven in bad weather,

Then, they roasted and ate him, in a scene that was real scary. 

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THE MAGIC FROG AND I

I was looking for some big frogs, to cut off their frog hind legs,

Those appendages taste delicious, when fried with scrambled, bird eggs,

I went down to the local town, frog pond,

Came upon a frog with a magic wand,

He turned me into a big fat fly; what for? The question begs.

THE CHORUS WITH BADGER BORIS

There once was a badger, he was called Boris,

He sang lead tenor in the forest chorus,

Big Uncle, Bird Buck

Sang baritone duck,

Bass vocals provided by the bull, Taurus.  

THE SCIENCE PERSON WHO DISAPPEARED

I think that it's mysterious, diabolical and weird,

I only took one science class, and completely disappeared,

I do not know where I'm at

But, there is this talking cat,

He told me I had polio, at least that is what he heared. 

FROSTING AND THE BEAR ON SKATES

I spotted a bear on ice skates come zooming from across the lake,

He eyed me as I stuffed my mouth with frosting covered cake,

So, I dropped my cake and fled,

With hope I would not soon be dead,

The bear stoped to lick off the frosting, so my soul he did not take.

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