THE MAGIC FROG AND I

I was looking for some big frogs, to cut off their frog hind legs,

Those appendages taste delicious, when fried with scrambled, bird eggs,

I went down to the local town, frog pond,

Came upon a frog with a magic wand,

He turned me into a big fat fly; what for? The question begs.

THE CHORUS WITH BADGER BORIS

There once was a badger, he was called Boris,

He sang lead tenor in the forest chorus,

Big Uncle, Bird Buck

Sang baritone duck,

Bass vocals provided by the bull, Taurus.  

THE SCIENCE PERSON WHO DISAPPEARED

I think that it's mysterious, diabolical and weird,

I only took one science class, and completely disappeared,

I do not know where I'm at

But, there is this talking cat,

He told me I had polio, at least that is what he heared. 

I DID NOT KNOW BEARS ATE FRUIT FOR DESERT

I was real hungry, when I caught a baby chipmunk in my baby chipmunk snare,

The baby chipmunk begged me not to eat him; his little body, I did a spare,

Along came a grisly bear,

He grabbed me by my hair,

I begged him not to eat me, but he feasted on my body, then enjoyed a pear.

FROSTING AND THE BEAR ON SKATES

I spotted a bear on ice skates come zooming from across the lake,

He eyed me as I stuffed my mouth with frosting covered cake,

So, I dropped my cake and fled,

With hope I would not soon be dead,

The bear stoped to lick off the frosting, so my soul he did not take.

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BALLAD OF THE DILLY DOGS

Patches and Checkers were two dilly dogs,

They pretended to be rabbits, squirrels and frogs,

Then one pleasant day,

A cougar came their way,

Patches and Checkers, were soon two cougar logs.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF PATCHES AND CHECKERS

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SHE BE MY DINOSAUR

My dinosaur, she ran away,

To the park, where she could play,

She drank some pond water,

Sat on the teeter-totter,

Then, slid down the slide; rest of day.

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DUCK AND A STORY

I have this wonderful duck, his name is Stew,

I bought him, and cooked him in a pot for you,

He's nice and tender,

Saved his fat to render,

After lunch we'll finish reading Bunny Blue.

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BOB AND THE THREE BEARS

Bob was sleeping all quiet, in his warm bed upstairs,

When he awoke hearing footsteps of three, great big bears,

When they entered his bedroom,

Bob wet his bed, fearing doom,

The bears were good neighbors, sharing a basket of pears.

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THE CANARY AND THE RAVEN, A CAUTIONARY TALE

I had a big pet raven, and he liked to eat canary,

He used to eat them by the bunch, like a small, yellow berry,

The canary birds worked together,

Netted my raven in bad weather,

Then, they roasted and ate him, in a scene that was real scary. 

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FRAMEMOGGED BY ATTILA THE GORILLA

I went to the local zoo and got framemogged, by a gorilla,

The gorilla had an aggressive name; his name was Attila,

His muscular frame was big, wide,

That made me want to run and hide,

Last time I felt so small, was when I lived with grandma Priscilla.

THE SQUIRRELS AND THE NERD

My backpack was full of candy bars, filled with chocolate cream,

The squirrels that were following me, had developed a scheme,

I was a nerd, who wore tin braces,

They tied together, my shoelaces,

I tripped and fell down, and my backpack they swarmed, like a bee team.

BERNIE THE BEAVER, TOOTHED TREES FOR THE KING

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees,

Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and the breeze,

Bernie checked wind speed and direction,

Studied soil types, for perfection,

Bernie felled his trees spot on, tight, and the king beaver, Bernie did please.

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THE BEAR IN THE BARN WAS WAITING FOR ME

I went out to the barn and what surprise did I find,

A bear waiting out there, like a hunter in a blind,

He waited there just for me, 

He poured two cups of coffee,

We chatted and had a chance to unwind.

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EAGLES PREFER LAMB

The eagle likes my little lambs; he takes one once a day,

He flies them off into the mountains, that's where my lambs stay,

The eagle once took a rat,

And, a calico barn cat,

But, the rat and cat both wandered home, the very next day.

THE COW, THE BULL AND KALAMAZOO

I drove on down to the old town, called Kalamazoo,

I bought at a bovine auction, a cow that goes, "moo",

I trained her to loudly sing,

About rainbows and gold bling,

She ran off with a bull, who wore a big brass nose ring.

SANTA'S SLEIGH CRUSHES TRAILER

Santa's sleigh and reindeer landed on my frail, trailer top,

I heard the sleigh land, and reindeer hooves landing, plop, plop,plop, 

Through the roof came Santa's red sleigh,

The deer followed down, all the way

My remains were cleaned up using a bucket and a mop.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, PUSSY CAT

Christmas is coming, I cannot find my pussy cat,

I fear she was scared away by a wretched, fruit bat,

I know she will come on back,

When she misses my old shack,

And, misses the caned tuna, she shares with her friend, Rat.

I RIDE THE WILD BEAR

I walked into a dark, deep cave, and saddled up a big, black bear,

Some call me extremely brave, others think I need a brain repair,

I rode the bear to mum's,

Stoped at a store for gums,

I rode the bear at a steady trot, so mums neighbors, he wouldn't scare.

SETTING JIMMY FREE

Jimmy the itty, bitty lizard is so sad, you see,

He lives alone in my restored, antique cabinetry,

He eats spiders and fruit flies,

Turns them into white, poop pies

I should take Jimmy outside, and toss him into a tree.