BARK NO DOG, LAMP NO LIGHT, BUG BITE

My lamp, it just wouldn't light,
I changed the bulb, but still not bright,
So I sat in the dark, 
With a dog who wouldn't bark,
And, bugs that did nothing but bite.

71022

MOSQUITOS TAKE MORE THAN BLOOD

Meanie mosquitos, they done ate off my arms,

Then when I looked for my legs, that set off alarms,

My legs were in mosquito guts,

I was going really nuts,

No more camping, I'll stay on the farms.

7522

I BUILT A CABIN IN A SWAMP

I built a cabin in a swamp,
So, I'd have a place to romp,
I love all the snakes and the bugs,
With them I kisses and hugs,
But, on the lizards I like to stomp.

102323

CONTAMINATED GROCERIES, NOW MY CLOTHES MIGHT FIT

Bugs have laid eggs in my food, because my windows have no screens,

That is why I have those maggots, swimming in my pork and beans,

There is a fuzzy worm,

He's chewing my wheat germ,

Maybe I should just diet, at least I'll fit my skinny jeans.

8624

INFESTATION: SHARP TEETH IN BED

The bedbugs teeth are sharp, and real long,

And, Denny rolled upon the bugs, wrong,

The mad teeth bit in,

Broke wide, Denny's skin,

The Denny Dirge is our local song.

111424

FEEDING BIRDS HAIKU

Garden, Spading, Worms,
Birds, Squirmy, Meals, Yummy, Good,
Mowing Lawn, Bugs, Birds.

8122

THE BUGS THAT ATE SAMMY FOR S'MORES

Sammy went to the beach and got covered with soars,

The bugs liked him so much, because he tasted like s'mores,

From New Years Eve till that date,

S'mores was all Sammy ate,

And, the taste sweat out through all his pores.

11222

BIG SISTER AND THE RED BEDBUGS

My big sister has the red bedbugs, she's had them for eleven years,

She won't tell our mama, because she's afraid mama will come to tears,

To kill the bugs away,

I helped big sister spray,

The spray helped the bugs lay more eggs, now bugs are falling from sister's, ears.

THE WEEPING AND THE SAW

There is a tree called weeping willow, and one was weeping in the street,

It weeped upon my brand new shoes, and got wet my stockings and my feet,

I went and got my grandpa,

We came back with a chainsaw,

Grandpa cut the willow up, and gave termites a home, with lots to eat.

INVASION OF THE NOSE COOTIES

Jimmy was invaded by cooties; they ran up his big nose,

Some cooties dripped out in ice-snot, when the temperatures froze,

Jimmy said a little later,

He was a nose cootie hater,

That was after the doc flushed the nose cooties, out with a hose.

I'M A SCHOLAR WITH A DOLLAR AND BUGS

I felt rich when I found in my wallet, a dollar,

I felt smart when I read me a book, a scholar,

I still felt so defeated,

When everyone tweeted,

That like a dog, I needed an tick and flea collar.

THE GARY PAIR

Gary the dentist and Gary the house fly,

Roomed together in a townhouse in the sky,

Once Dr. Gary copped a tude,

So flying Gary got rude,

He pooped on the fresh eggs, Dr. Gary did fry.

MOSQUITOS BE WARNED

Because my house had loads of mice and rats,

I decided to get myself some cats,

They ate the mice today,

Frightened the rats away,

To deal with mosquitos, I'm getting bats.

WHY I HIT MYSELF SO HARD, MY BRAIN AIN'T RIGHT.

In the latest, late of dark night,

From an earwig, I got a bite,

The evil dear,

Was in my ear,

I slapped my ear, with all my might.

THE PROBLEM WITH MY ROOMMATE

I once had a problem, his name was Sid,

Sid was a bedbug, I could not get rid,

Sid would hold me real tight,

And would bite me all night,

Then early next morning, Sidney got hid.

THE SIGN OF EVIL

I saw the sign of evil, I fear the most,

Six big locusts landed on my whole wheat toast,

My lower jaw made a sag,

Then I drooled on my dish rag,

I knew that by nightfall, I would be a ghost.

COCKROACH SUPERSIZED

I find a stinky cockroach in my clothes,

The more I spray him, the bigger he grows,

I go get a net,

He grows bigger, yet,

We're standing eye to eye, and toe to toes.

32124

BANDALEITO

There was a little mosquito,

They all called him, Bandaleito,

He played a little harp,

In the key of C-sharp,

Bug spray would make him retreato.

32024

FLIES IN THE OINTMENTS

There were flies in dad's ointments, and bees on the wing,

Then there were hornets with a much nastier sting,

One stung poor little Ben,

And dad asleep in the den,

Even grandma was stung while crocheting something.

DUSTY BITTERS

I went to the tavern for a pint of bitters,

In it were specks, looked like little critters,

The bar keep said it was just dust,

He'd pour me another, if he must,

I said that "the legs on the dust gives me jitters".