DONNY IS A MUMMY

Donny was brain dead so long that his brain had putrefied,

No one dared to tell Donny, that his mind had up and died,

Donny went on year after year,

Staring at sunshine, dear, oh dear,

The sun has now dried out his skin, and now he's mummified.

THEY USED THEIR TONGUE TO LICK MY CHERRIES

On this very nice day, I went out cherry picking,

I found all the cherries, bugs were buggy tongue licking,

That made me feel sick,

I went home really quick,

The image of bugs licking the fruit, is still sticking.

BILLY SLAMS AND JIMMY SPILLS

Jimmy let out a snore,

Billy slammed the backdoor,

Jimmy jumped up,

Spilled his big cup,

Leaving coffee all over the floor.

JAILED OVER NUGGETS

Beautiful Barry had a nice little scam,

When Barry cheated someone, he'd yell "Bam, Bam!"

Big fake nuggets of gold,

Was the scam stuff he sold,

Poor Barry got caught by a cop's body cam.  

MY PIG ROAST WAS TOAST

I'm afraid I can afford only toast,😒

To feed guests at my birthday pig roast,🎂🍖

I know toast is not in fashion,👚👠🛍👔👗👖👛👜👟👞👘🕶👒🎩👢

But I'll still toast it with passion,😍

I'll serve it dry or with some butter, at most.🙁

72720

I LOST MY DEAD TODAY

My bird feeder went away,

When the tornado came today

Away went my little shack,

And my LPs, the whole stack,

No more can I rest my head,

While I listen to The Grateful Dead

A SPARKLER RUINED MY 4TH

A sparkler got caught in my hair,

It burned until my head was all bare,

I went home, ate some soup,

Then sat out on my stoop,

I was upset, and I needed some air.

KITTY GOT A SCARE FROM THE ROCKETS RED GLARE

The rockets were red glaring,

And my kitty got a scarring,

The booms shook my shack,

It collapsed, I want it back,

I'd have to say the fireworks, were a little overbearing.

7422

I LOST MY TWEETY, BUT SAVED HIS BELL

Someone launched some flying, rocket fireworks, and holy...well,

They flew threw my open window, and made a real nasty smell,

Then came a fast, roaring fire,

The damage was vast, entire,

The only thing I saved, was my pet parakeets birdseed bell.

WHAT MY POT NEEDS

I can't go to the store, oh squat!

I need a pork roast for my pot,

Plague laws keep me here,

Where fresh meat is become dear,

And, I find canned meats tasty, Hell Not!

31520

VERBAL ABUSE AND I LEAVE

My boots are all covered with wet mud,

Walked into the house; got called a crud,

I have no real common sense,

But I took a big offence,

I left for the beer bar for some sud.

THE ALIEN WORM BRAIN INVADERS LIMERICK

Alien worms have burrowed into Jim's brain,
They control him with both pleasure and pain,
And, sometimes out of Jim's snout,
Some worms will pop out,
To scout for a new mind to train.

ZODIE THE VENGEFUL

Zodie had a temper, she'd get mad and start crushing bugs,

Sister Cindy was so nice, she spent all day giving puppies hugs,

Sister Zodie shoved Cindy down,

Sister Cindy made smile, no frown,

Sister Zodie sought revenge, filling Vinegar in Cindy's water jugs.

31324

REECE'S RASPBERRIES

I ate all the raspberries, and I blamed it on my niece,

She is only two years old, and they'll leave her be, in peace,

I don't want to get the nagging,

From my  brother, who was bragging,

He picked the berries; I said were ate by his daughter, Reece.