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Tuesday, March 19, 2024

THE POOR HILLBILLY BILLY BLUES

I'm a hillbilly, and I really needs some more,
They call me Poor Billy, because I'm so dirt poor,
Never had no new shoes,
Or socks that came in two's,
I grew up eating dirt, because dirt was our floor.

Monday, March 18, 2024

JUST EAT, DON'T THINK

Don was so poorly educated, he could not tie his shoes,
He did not know colors, confusing yellows, reds and blues 
But Don knew how to eat,
Lots of starch and fatty meat,
When Don finished licking his plate, more helpings he would choose.


POINTY FINGERS THE TATTLETALE

Pointy Fingers was a tattletale,
He made small crimes sound like a whale,
He would sing like a bird,
But no one ever heard,
They ignored his constant regale.

Pointy Fingers was a nasty tattletale,
He snitched on his friends and made them all bail,
He was not confidence bound,
So, he was not welcomed around,
If he was seen coming in the other directions they'd sail.

PP122921

GASSY SNOWMAN PART ONE

I put beans in my snowman, to see if he would get gassy and grow,
Low and behold he farted, and the fart had a big yellowish glow,
I didn't know whatever to do,
Snowman farting is something new,
I decided to ignore, and gave the snowman a tie with a bow.


I GOT TO WORK WHEN IT SNOWS

I went out to use my snow thrower,
But, something was wrong with the blower,
Then, my snow shovel broke,
And, my old car wouldn’t choke,
To work I’ll hire someone to tow her.

I got to work when it snows,
Or, my future will get a hose,
I'll be fired late today,
When the boss calls in his say,
From Hawaii where, he warms his toes.


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TURDS, NO WORDS, HOT TEA AND BIRDS

I got out my teacup, and in it were ten black mousey turds,
I needed drink for sup, and the little turds overtook all words,
I bleached out my soiled cup,
Had it lick cleaned by my pup,
Then I made real hot tea, and ate a can of roast chicken birds.


Sunday, March 17, 2024

THE VAMPIRES AWAIT

They stay out in the dark river valleys,
They do not live but, haunt our dreams,
Of their kills they keep no tallies,
Terror and bloodlust are their themes,

What sharpened hooks that bleed our necks,
That takes in life and exhale death,
No mortal signs can craft a hex,
To save our blood and human breath,

The vampires have a certain need,
Though they have immortal powers,
To quench their thirst they make us bleed,
Until eternal sleep is ours.


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SEVEN MINUTES TO READY

I get up and get me ready for work,
I'm just a humble, grocery store clerk,
I take seven minutes to ready,
Then have a coffee with dear, Teddy,
And I'm off to be called all day, a jerk.

NEIGHBORS WENT FERRELL AND ATE MY SHEEP

I had lots of sheep, a massive white flock,
I watched them like a hawk, around the clock,
Neighbors needed to eat,
Neighbors saw all my meat,
They took my sheep and clocked me with a rock.


BILLY'S BEETLE DUNG

Billy's cute little beetle ran away,
Billy has dung, but the beetle wouldn't stay,
Billy's dung,
Is far flung,
How far can a beetle run in a day?

Saturday, March 16, 2024

HOLIDAY TRAFFIC LIMERICK

The holiday traffic got kind of speedy,
For those going to resorts were all chill pill needy,
But, they brought with them lots of cash,
To fix their rides after a crash,
And, have money left to stay at someplace not too seedy.

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CONDUCTOR'S LAMENT: "IF ONLY EVERYONE WERE LIKE THE TRUMPETS"

July second is finally at hand,
Time to rehearse the July forth marching band,
While the drums bang away,
Tubas ompah all day,
The trumpets fanfare on command.

7223

GUPPIES FOR THE FAIR OR FOOD

I raised me some beautiful guppies to sell at the farm fair,
People looked into my guppy jug, and saw no guppies there,
It seems someone's sea toad,
Was in guppy lunch mode,
In the next booth sat that toad, with a big smile and dumb stare.

31624

SLEEP TIGHT TERMITE, SLEEP TIGHT

Sleep tight termite, sleep tight
For you the world is all right,
Your family is all kisses and hugs,
For they don't have issues with bugs,
Like my walls caving in overnight.


5520


Friday, March 15, 2024

AR AND THE ATTACK OF THE HEMORRHOIDS

I have a Doberman dog, I named, Atomic Richie,
AR is laughed at because his hemorrhoids are itchy,
Across the carpet he scoots,
Amongst the laughter and hoots,
Poor old AR is howling in a vibrating pitchy. 

SWATTER HOUSE FLIES

I found my old fly swatter, and swatted a million flies,
Their guts flew into all my food, and that was a surprise,
There were guts in the refried rice,
Guts on every pizza slice,
I didn't tell the kids, so they would enjoy their pizza pies.

THE COMING FREEZE

The cold was ever creeping, real near,
Frosty toes made me quiver with fear,
Woodstove was almost out,
No wood lying about,
That winter, firewood had become dear.


31524

Thursday, March 14, 2024

GOLDILOCKS AND THE FOX

There once was an old, old fox,
He bit on a young Goldilocks,
She kicked him in the face,
He gnawed her shoelace,
Ruining her only pair of red socks.

I WENT SALMON FISHING ONE MORNING LIMERICK

I went salmon fishing one morning,
A big fish bit without warning,
He struck with such wrath,
I fell in for a bath,
Now salmon fishing, I'm scorning.



5121

TWINKLE, TWINKLE, STAR GO DIE

There was a little star that twinkled, in the North, March sky,
It twinkled in, it twinkled out, I watched the star, go die,
I thought, those poor, fast freezing, creatures,
Needing that star to heat their features,
All those countless, needless deaths, drew a tear from my blue eye.


31424

AMADEOUS THE SKUNK

Amadeus the skunk left his scent in the air,
Everyone disliked it but he seemed not to care,
One day while all alone,
Amadeus began to moan,
Pining for friends that just were not there.

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Wednesday, March 13, 2024

BLOOD SUCKED AND THEN TEA

There was this vampire, he hung down from an oak tree,
Everyone who passed got a little neck bitey,
Blood flowed like a river,
Which made givers quiver,
They would pass out, but would make it to the next day's tea.

31324

THEFT OF THE SNOW CABIN

I went to the woods, bought a quaint cabin, made out of snow,
So in the summer, I would have a fancy place to go,
On one hot summer day,
I got off, and away,
My quaint cabin was stolen, and I had lost all my doe.



I LOVED AND I GOT GONGED

There are dirty diapers in the morning, and all day long,
Dirty diapers, dirty diapers, I did something wrong,
I use to be in my fish boat,
All day long, I'd relax and float,
Then I spied a beauty on the beach, and life gave me a gong.


31325

CAPTAIN MANGO TOO

There was a starship captain, named Captain Mango Too,
Everywhere the Captain went, he brought along his crew,
One night drinking on planet Mars,
They all got in fights at the bars,
They woke next day in a jail cell, all drenched in puke and poo.

31224

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

BARRY OWNS A BEASTIE

Barry owns a beastie and Barry named him Little Lee,
Barry found Little Lee in the swamps, eating tic and flea,
Do not know where to begin,
Barry now has clean, nice skin,
The beastie keeps Barry clean;  clings to Barry like a tree.


I GET PAID IN FREE COUPONS

My employer pays in percent off pizza coupons, he gets for free,
I wish I had some real money, so a pizza I could one day see,
Now the toilet has a clog,
Coupons, make a solid slog,
I work for coupon toilet paper, the kids can't flush out to sea.

AI AND THE LAMER GAMER

An AI invaded my Android and ruined every game,
I spent time and money uploading, now every game is lame,
I got stressed out so much,
With reality, I lost all touch,
I just sit before a candle, staring at the flickering flame.

STUPID INVADERS FROM SPACE PART TWO

Invaders from space cut and laid massive stone blocks,
They stacked them real high, like a toddler stacks toy blocks,
Traveled billions of miles in space,
They were so stupid in this case,
I showed them rebar and concrete on some Tic Toks.



Monday, March 11, 2024

STUPID INVADERS FROM SPACE PART I

Invaders from space built a massive pyramid in my yard,
It was a marker for spacecraft, so landings were soft, not hard,
Then I thought "what a big, awful mess",
I taught the invaders, GPS,
The invaders were so happy, they sent a nice thank you card.

THE SNAKE IN THE POOL LIMERICK

A snake fell into my swimming pool,
I guess he wanted to feel real cool,
He chased us all away,
On a hot summer day,
Now "no snakes in the pool" is the rule.

HEMORRHOIDS ARE DESTROYERS OF THE WORLD

Some wanted the world destroyed,
Some put such feelings, on avoid,
Then we all got nuked, 
Radiation we puked,
Just because a dictator had a hemorrhoid.

FARE-THEE-WELL,TURTLE

Fare-the-well, little turtle, as you cross the busy road,
You're being watched by others, including a fox and toad,
Because you do not move real fast,
The toad is seeing, if you'll last,
The fox just loves to see thee, turtle; he's in dinner mode.


31124

THE TOMATO JUICE PHILOSOPHER

I went and bought tomato juice, and drank it from the jar,
I got pulled over by the police, for drink-driving my car,
I could not make bail,
Spent twenty years in jail,
Wife left me for a donut maker; my, ain't life bizarre


Sunday, March 10, 2024

I KISSED A BLUE DRAGON

I kissed a blue dragon, and it stung me on the lips,
I swear that the poison went straight to my hips,
It hurt my hips bad,
My eyes teared up sad,
Now I drink with a straw: the only way I get sips.

THERE ONCE WAS A TALENTED OTTER LIMERICK

There once was a talented otter,
He worked as a spinning wheel clay potter,
His kiln blew up one day,
And his house burned away,
He had tried making his kiln burn much hotter.

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VAMPIRE POEM

In the distance between the days,
A Vampire was born,
He lived in visual night and haze,
A prince whom many scorn,

Those that journey out into the night,
Where the prince of vampires waits,
Must know he's there not for the fright,
It's the blood that satiates.

Blood drawn deep down from the neck,
By demons made long ago,
Creatures not fit for heaven or heck,
Unloved, undead they know.

Vengeance is a lonely child,
Kept pregnant deep within,
When let loose it's mind is wild,
The base of original sin.

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MY GIRLFREIND IS A VAMPIRE STORY


Mike Colin
STEPHANIE
By Mike Colin
Reporter
Humor News Nuts Publications
In honor of Halloween (All Hallows Eve), I have been assigned to search out local vampires and interview them for this blog. I have no other formal duties for this month. This assignment could literally bite.

Luckily, I did not have to look far for my first interviewee (vampire victim). It seems my girlfriend Stephanie is a vampire. What luck for me, hey? I always thought she was just one of those Goth people. She dresses in black and wears black eye make-up and nail polish. Her arms each have a pair of tattoos of fangs with dripping blood running
down from the fangs. I thought she was kind of cool.

I met Stephanie at a really exclusive club. I was living under a bridge at the time (living under bridges is called trolling in Northern Michigan). Since I was just a local troll, I was never allowed in the exclusive night club called "Jack’s Bloody Brew". Jack’s is one of those new brew pubs that are all over Northern Michigan. Jack’s is famous for beers like Blood Light and Bloody Barry Beer. This beer is not sold in stores so, you can only buy this beer at the club but, I had a friend who got one for me once and it really tastes just like blood with a kick to it like backyard whiskey. I had a really bad hangover the next day.

As I said before, I was never allowed anywhere near this club. A big muscled bald guy stood at the door and if I even walked by the place he would snarl at me. This guy had teeth that looked like fangs so I was quick to get the heck away from there. One night about midnight I happened to be walking by on the opposite side of the street when I saw this beautiful brunet go up to the bald muscle dude and give him the biggest hickey on the neck. It was such an intense hickey that when the gorgeous girl came up for air, I saw blood dripping down the big dude’s neck. I thought that must of hurt but, the bald guy seemed to like it. It put him in a really great mood and he opened the door to the club and hand gestured for me to cross the street. I almost ran across traffic to get inside the bar. The bald guy kept the door held open until I was inside then, he quickly shut it up so no one could drift in behind me.

The only light in the bar came from a few dim candles. I guessed that these people really like to drink in the dark. Maybe the place wasn’t very clean and they didn’t want any bright lights to show up the dirt. The room was draped in black drapes with red pictures on them. I guess these drapes with pictures are called tapestries. The pictures were all of dragons, bats, wolves and, other monsters. It seemed kind of weird but, the weirdest thing about this club was that there were no foosball games or pool tables. The place didn’t even have a dart board. There was a bar so, I decided to try one of their famous home brewed beer (if I could afford it).

I saw the girl that had given the bouncer a hickey at the bar so I sat down on the bar stool next to her. The bartender must have been an identical twin of the brawny bald bouncer out front. Like his brother, the bartender snarled at me with his fangs and said "we serve only club members here".

Then, suddenly the girl next to me leaned across the bar and gave the bartender an intense hickey like she had done to the guy outside. When the girl came up for air the bartender was bleeding streams of blood from a neck wound. This was like the bleeding the bouncer did outside after his hickey and like the bouncer, the bartender suddenly was really nice to me. "What can I get you?" he asked.

"I don’t have much money. How much is a beer?" I asked.

"The beer is free to club members," the bartender informed me "and you are now a club member. Stephanie here has told me she has sponsored you. As to the type of beer I would recommend to a new club member, I think you should have pint of Bloody Barry Beer. I just got some from Barry this morning. I took almost every drop he had so, you had better drink it now because it will be a while before Barry can make some more."

I ended up trying both beers and they both tasted like blood. The bartender informed me that the beer’s secret ingredient was cow’s blood. I started to push the beer away from me. Then, the bartender reassured me that the drinking blood laden beer was no different than eating a rare steak. I liked rare steak so then and there, I decided Bloody Barry Beer was my favorite beverage but, I just hope Barry the brew master could make some more soon.

The beer had quite a kick to it and this made me able to talk to girls. I turned to Stephanie and introduced myself. When she asked me where I lived I told her I was broke and that I had to live under a bridge. Stephanie told me that if I came back to her house with her she would have a proposition for me. I thought I had nothing to loose so I got into her black Jaguar and went home with her.

It was a really nice new home with an upstairs, a downstairs and, a full basement. It was full of really nice black leather furniture and the walls were all painted blood red. There was a fireplace in every room except the kitchen and laundry room. There were paintings on the walls of the living room of really grotesque looking people. When the large stone fireplace in the living room was lit, the room looked both eerie and beautiful. I liked it.

I guessed Goth people were really cool. When I was in high school I thought Goth kids were just a bunch of outcast nerds. My brother Tim always said Goths were "nerd rejects". If Stephanie is a "nerd reject" then sign me up for Goth school. Not only is she gorgeous but, she has done really well for herself to have a fine home like this. No one in family lives even near this kind of house. Everyone I know just thinks about winning enough money at the casino to make a deposit on a double wide. Madam Misty is the only friend I have that had a big house and, she lost it due to lack of business during this recession.

Stephanie has a nice house and the neighborhood is full of fine looking cribs (I learned from MTV that "cribs" is the cool way to say house". Usually people in these homes call people like me "skuzz". I was surprised the police didn’t show up when I got out of her black Jaguar. Back when my dad worked for Roto Rueter, he was arrested for littering and indecent exposure when he drove into one of these kinds of neighborhoods. The muffler fell off his pickup is the reason he was arrested for littering. When he asked why he was being hauled off to jail for indecent exposure he was told that "you showed your skuzzy face off in this neighborhood and nobody here wants to look at it."

Once Stephanie was finished showing me around her house she told me that she had been watching me live under the bridge. I don’t remember seeing Stephanie anywhere’s near the bridge. There were mostly old men and bats living with me under the bridge. Stephanie also said that she was thinking about putting me out of my misery when she started feeling sorry for me.

Stephanie then said to me, "Here’s the deal. In return for my becoming your girlfriend you will move in here and live in his house. Because of my religious beliefs, you will live in the top two levels of the house and I will live in the basement. You must never enter the basement for any reason and you must make sure that no one else ever goes down into the basement. A girl like me needs her privacy. ’

I of course agreed to all her terms. Stephanie was great. In addition to letting me stay in her house, she let me drive her Jag. There was a problem. I could not help but want to go down into the basement just to sneak a peak at the crib my girlfriend lived in. I felt kind of funny taking over the house from her and her moving down into the basement. There were several bedrooms in the house and I did not see why she could not just stay in one of them.

One day, I decided I would have a look down in the basement. Stephanie was a night person so she stayed down in the basement sleeping during the day. She kept the door locked during the day but, left it unlocked when she went out at night. So, I waited until Stephanie left and then I crept down into the basement. At the bottom of the basement stairs I turned on the light. It was a huge basement but, the only thing in it was a black casket. I went over to the casket and looked inside. Except for a few inches of dirt, the casket was empty. I figured Stephanie must sleep in the casket in the daytime since there was not other furniture in the basement. I thought my new girlfriend is really into some sort of extreme yoga if she is living and sleeping like this. I thought then that maybe the Goth lifestyle isn’t for me?

Things were going o.k. for a while then; my friend Madam Misty told me I had better watch out because my girlfriend was a vampire. I thought at first that Madam Misty had been mixing her apricot brandy with her Mogen David wine again. But, Madam Misty was very insistent so, I had to confront Stephanie and find out what was going on. Madam Misty told me I had better confront Stephanie in public or she might just give me a bad case of the bleeds.

I decided to confront my girlfriend at the club where we met. At least the bar tender would be there should Stephanie turn out to be a vampire. He would certainly keep me away from harm. A big guy like that and his bouncer twin brother should easily be able to take on a female vamp.

The bouncer at the club entrance was gone. I easily opened the door and walked into the bar. Stephanie was sitting at her normal stool at the bar. The bartender looked up at me and said "I just got in a fresh batch of Bloody Barry Beer. Would you like a bottle?"

"Yeah, I’ll take one", I said as I bellied up to the bar beside my girlfriend. "I see your twin from out front isn’t here tonight" I said to the bartender.

"No," the bartender replied, "He’s gone south for the winter and I intend on heading down there tonight myself,"

"I guess you should know Mike," Stephanie began," I’m heading to warmer climates myself. I’m going to Cancun for the winter and I don’t know when or, if I’ll be back here any time soon. I have to move on."

I took a big chug down on my beer. I needed the drink to keep my from falling out of my seat. I was devastated. My relationship with this beautiful woman was over. I couldn't’t bring myself to say anything. The shock of loosing Stephanie put me into a deep stupor.

"Because of your loyalty I’m giving you the house and the car," Stephanie said. "There is some cash beneath the box in the basement. Yes, I know you were down there this evening. I also know you psychic friend told you that I am a vampire and yes it is true. I’m over three hundred years old. I’m a blood sucker but, you know I still am at least part human. I haven’t done so bad by you have I?" she asked.

I shook my head and said "No, you’ve been really good to me. I’ll miss you." I had a tear in my eye. I don’t remember the last time I had a tear from being sad. But, I was really sad.

Stephanie took me by the hand and led me out of the club. Stephanie kissed me gently on the neck (no hickey). Then, Stephanie said "got to fly", as she turned away from me with wings sprouting from her back as her blouse ripped to shreds. Stephanie then leaped into flight with here wings flapping. She rose up to meet several other vampires who were flying in a V formation like they were a flock of geese. Stephanie soon fell into formation and vanished with the other vampires beyond the horizon.

Stephanie left me several thousand dollars for taxes and upkeep on the house. A deed and car title arrived in the mail a few days later. I was all set. It was like I was one of those young guys in Florida who stay with an older lady for a home. The only thing is, if Stephanie returns here in thirty years, I’ll be an old man and she’ll still be young. I hope she comes back one day. Until then, I’ll keep her nice home and car in good shape. The club was closed and no one has opened up anything new at that location. It’s like the club never existed at all.


111023

Saturday, March 9, 2024

PETER VOWS, BREAKS AND CRACKS

It was Pete's destiny to fall out of his bed,
Break three major ribs, and put a crack in his head,
It was the first day in May,
Pete's announced, big wedding day,
Pete made it to church, where wedding vows were well said.

WHAT KIND OF DANCING DID DOH DAH DO?

Doh Dah was a dancer up in Canada, Sault Ste. Marie,
Every time Doh Dah danced, the police came to arrest, he,
Doh Dah had a club,
He leased as a sub,
It violated zoning laws, so Doh Dah was seldom free.

MUTINY IN THE STEW

I went fishing for a dogfish,
But, all I caught was another log-fish,
So, I fed my crew,
Some log-fish stew,
They mutinied after a sword swish.

MARTY THE SMARTY WANTS YOU FOR DINNER

Marty the great physicist, was a mathematics big deal,
But none of his equations, could predict what was real and unreal,
It racked Marty in his big brain,
He became completely insane,
His conviction for cannibalism, is in court on appeal.



Friday, March 8, 2024

YOU CAN WADDLE FOR FREE

My bicycle got ran over by a big truck,
A good fix would cost me many a saw buck,
My bike's in the trash,
I saved lots of cash,
Now I just walk, more like waddle, like a duck.




I DON'T FEED THE LIONS, MAYBE?

When I see a nasty old mountain lion, I run fast away,
When I get back to my crumbling shack, in my shack I all day stay,
Mountain lions love to bite,
Then haul your caucus off site,
Lions feed you to their kitties, so they grow up to hunt one day.

3824




DON'T VISIT OFF WORLDERS, UNLESS YOU'RE INVITED

My big brother was vaporized, out in space,
He went calling there, upon an alien race,
There was a picture pattern,
Way out on planet Saturn,
But the aliens didn't like my brother's face.

Thursday, March 7, 2024

PET DRAGONS EAT PEASANTS AND NOBLES

My big pet dragon, he just eats and he eats,
Dragon eats one peasant, and then he repeats,
I'm running out of my peasants,
He won't eat cows, pigs or pheasants,
I fear he'll eye me, and my family, as meats.

3724


THE SIMPLE WINNER

I won a set of new screwdrivers at the bingo hall,
I was so excited, when I got that last number call,
My porch has a loose board,
Now if a screw, I could afford?
I could stand on the board, and stand there real tall.


THE HARPSICHORD BLUES

When I play music on the harpsichord,
Everyone's closed eyes, look terribly bored,
My notes don't fly,
I try and try,
At competition, I win no award.

MY FINGERS MAKE ME LOOK SMART

I have a superpower, called arithmetic,
I can sum and subtract really quick,
I use fingers and toes,
For hard math problem foes,
That's my superpower super trick.

DINOSAURS DO NOT MAKE GOOD PETS (A CAUTIONARY TALE)

I went back in time to get a baby pet dinosaur,
I brought back an egg, and thought I had made quite a score,
My dino pet grew gigantic,
Ate all my groceries, became frantic,
He then chewed and swallowed me, because he wanted more.


PP05092022

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

WEREWOLF

I went into the woody woods,
Late one Autumn eve,
For there had been werewolf reports,
So I took investigative leave,

As a reporter I didn't like to lie,
But, in the forest I lay down,
To wait for that canine sigh,
When the werewolf comes around,

I had walked in on an old two track trail,
Where lumberman chopped down mighty beast,
I was hoping while I laid me down,
I would not be a main menue werewolf feast.

52711

KING BEN

Way far back in the year CE ten,
We were conquered, destroyed by King Ben,
We thought we were burnt toast,
But were cut into roasts,
We then fed all of King Benny's men.

THE ART CRITICISM OF BIRDS

Villagers made my likeness, a statue, and they set it outside,
That was a such fantastic honor, a stimulus for my pride,
The birds came forward day one,
Left their white drippings, a ton,
That started my enemies laughing; in the next village I hide.

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

RECKONING BY THE ELVES

My kitty likes to tear, rip and shred, elves into small parts,
So on Christmas Day,  we just get one wrapped box, full of farts,
Real bad it makes us feel,
It ruins our Christmas meal,
So we go to the store, and play race with shopping carts.



JUSTIN AND RALPH: THE TEDDY BEARS AND KITTY

Justin was a cute teddy bear, who lived on my top bookshelf,
Justin was so sad, because he lost his best friend, Teddy Ralph,
Teddy Ralph fell to the floor,
Eight shelves down, and what's more,
Kitty ripped Teddy Ralph to shreds, believing he was an elf.  (Stupid Kitty)

DADDY PLAYS BANJO WITH THE ANGELS

Daddy never said goodbye that day,
When daddy took his banjo away,
He left no kiss for ma,
Or beer for grandpa,
If I had known, I'd have begged him to stay.

SOMEONE IS STEALING MY KIPPERS AND CHIPS

Don't care if online I'm hacked, but they hacked my potato chips,
Then they got into my cupboard, and stole some canned fish kips.
I spend my money to dine,
Have no money for online,
I opened up my fridge, and someone stole my kip, chip dips.


SOMEONE STINKS

At work Steve always wore a mask,
Even to do a simple task,
His workmate, Punk,
Smelled worse than skunk,
In wretched aromas, Punk did bask.

JIMMY DRESSED FOR SPORT

Jimmy played several sports,
He would always wear sport shorts,
His clothes were green,
Stayed mostly clean,
He wore white on tennis courts.

DEMON FOOD, THANKS FRED

A witch put a horrible curse upon my goldfish, Fred,
Turned Fred into a gator, and Fred tried to eat me dead,
Although I tried to beg,
Fred chewed off my left leg,
Fred let me bleed, until the Devil's demons, my soul fed.