LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
theft
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
theft
.
Show all posts
Friday, October 18, 2024
JOY RIDDING A REINDEER TO TEXAS
I rode on a magic reindeer in the velvet sky,
I stole the deer from Santa, at the North Pole Fish Fry,
I rode the reindeer all night,
Until I saw the bright light,
Then we touched down in Texas, where the rattlesnakes lie.
Wednesday, June 5, 2024
SOMEONE'S EATING MY SWEET CUPS
I got raided by porch pirates today,
They grabbed my sealed boxes, and sped away,
They live next door,
On the second floor,
And eat peanut butter cups from eBay.
Tuesday, March 5, 2024
SOMEONE IS STEALING MY KIPPERS AND CHIPS
Don't care if online I'm hacked, but they hacked my potato chips,
Then they got into my cupboard, and stole some canned fish kips.
I spend my money to dine,
Have no money for online,
I opened up my fridge, and someone stole my kip, chip dips.
Tuesday, February 6, 2024
THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS
I have a sneaky canary named Chirp,
He steals things, so he is a perp,
He stole my popcorn,
For his cage, to adorn,
I locked his cage; he hated it, the twerp
Thursday, January 18, 2024
TOO LITTLE
Too Little rode on a too little trike,
Until Too Little stole a too little motorbike
Too Little stole the mail,
But what sent Too Little off to jail,
Too Little was caught with two too little pike.
Wednesday, January 10, 2024
THE SHOVEL, PIGS AND OGRES LIMERICK
In the ogre village next door,
They are preparing for war,
I stole one of their pigs,
And, A shovel that digs,
Now they're coming to even the score.
Sunday, December 10, 2023
A STEVE THE PORCH PIRATE CHRISTMAS LIMERICK
Steve was a porch pirate who was very lucky,
He threw boxes from porches into the back.of his trucky,
Presents Steve got from his hood,
Made his Christmas feel good,
But for all those he ripped off, it was sucky.
Wednesday, November 8, 2023
I'M HUNGRY ENOUGH TO BITE A TIGER ON HIS TAIL
Tiger, Tiger I'm really mad at you tonight,
You ate my few taters, and my small piece of trite,
Skinny me has no dinner,
I can't grow much thinner,
Best stay away from me, I'm hungry and I'll bite.
Monday, October 30, 2023
A MARTIAN STOLE MY GRANDFATHER CLOCK
A martian stole my grandfather clock,
He came all this way and didn't have a tick-tock,
It is quite original,
Martian time isn't digital,
Still, may the thief crash his ship on a rock.
Friday, October 27, 2023
THE CHIPMUNK AND THE NOSE RING
I lost my gold nose ring when it fell on the floor,
Stolen by a chipmunk, because I left open the door,
Chipmunks are such thieves,
They hide booty in my eaves,
I should steal their black walnuts, to even the score.
Sunday, October 15, 2023
WHAT I'VE DONE SENCE COLLEGE
I studied corporate finance, also quantum physics two,
I got a job in banking, managed money, for people like yew,
Then the securities market tanked
My security licence was yanked,
Now I'm in a federal prison, but I got a window view.
Saturday, August 26, 2023
THE WEALTHY CASHIER
Betty the cashier, worked at an upscale grocery store,
Her drawer came up short, so she was escorted out the door,
They said Betty was not too bright,
Her drawer short hundreds, each night,
But, Betty bought a Mercedes Benz, so she wasn't poor.
Tuesday, August 8, 2023
APPLES IS FOR PIGS, PIGS IS FOR DINOSAURS
My dinosaur was accused of eating the neighbor's apple pie,
But, my dinosaur is a carnivore, and eating fruit ain't fly,
Now my dino sits in jail,
I got no money for his bail,
I hope they feed him lots of pigs, without pig meat he will cry.
Wednesday, July 5, 2023
BULLIES, EYEBALLS AND GOLD
I put an earring in my left ear,
It was gold, and financially dear,
But along came this Frankie,
He gave my earring a yankey,
The pain made my right eyeball tear.
Sunday, July 2, 2023
THE LIMERICK OF PORCH PIRATE BILLY
Porch pirate Billy, sneaked up to my backdoor,
He sneaked off with candy, laid on my porch floor,
A rare chocolate from Spain,
Quite hard to obtain,
Now I will have to try ordering more.
Saturday, July 1, 2023
PORCH PIRATES COME CREEPING
My neighbors are porch pirates, who wait until I'm sleeping,
Then up to my door, they come a creeping,
And when I confront an offender,
They don't surrender,
They just tell me my package, they're keeping.
Friday, June 23, 2023
SPIDERMAN RING, DOESN'T BRING ZING.
I went to parties and brought to them zing,
Because I wore lots of solid gold bling,
But all my gold got stole,
From my bedroom bling bowl,
All they left was my plastic Spidie ring.
Sunday, April 23, 2023
While Fungal Harvesting, Watch Out For Your Shoes
Whilst I cleaned fungus, from between my toes, at Lou's,
An alien from mars, stole my brand new blue/pink shoes,
That Martian, done a real bad,
I squeezed him hard, he got sad,
Now he's just a puddle of runny Martian ooze.
Wednesday, March 8, 2023
VIGILANTE PORCH PIRATE JUSTICE
Three porch pirates walked into a bar,
Each showed their biggest porch pirating scar,
One lost two fingers to a machete,
Another lost his pelvis to a pet Yetii,
The third got his head chopped, it now floats in a jar.
Friday, September 30, 2022
MY TETHER BALL IS STOLE
Someone stole my tether ball and left me just the string,
Now what am I supposed to do with just that stringy thing?
Do I play with it with passion?
Do I match cloths with it for fashion?
Maybe I'll buy a new tether ball, but I'll have to sell some bling.
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