PAYING FOR MY KID'S EDUCATION, AND THEN SOME

My eldest son, he is in college, and he is one bad seed,

He is always needing money, and my bank account doth bleed,

He needs money for fancy clothes and car,

But with rich daddies, I am not on par,

I pay for every need, asking for more, displays his greed.

MOM UNHAPPY

I fried some corn kernels, in some ghee, and my homemade apple butter,

I poured all the fried corn in a bowel, and I served it to my mutter,

She yelled, and said it was my fault,

For never adding enough salt,

Ma said the kernels were hard, so I gave her a knife for a cutter.

MOMMY AND DADDY: BAD GRACES

I foolishly told mama she was looking grandma, old,

She ratted me out to daddy, who gave  me a daddy scold,

That put small puddles in both my eyes,

So, a make up plan, I did devise,

I claimed I had a bad disease, a wheeze and sniffles cold.

FANGS OF REVENGE

In my garden there was a poisonous snake,

He was waiting for a murderous break,

And, he found a win,

As his fangs pierced my skin,

Revenge for his mom's death by my rake.

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MOM'S WATTLE HOUSE, AND BIRD FOOD

My mom has lived in a little, cozy, wattle house,

Ever since she lost my dear dad, her devoted  spouse,

She lives down by the old slurry,

That dumps into the Missouri,

Mom eats by hunting birds, like pigeons, peckers and grouse.

COLD DADDY AND THE BEAR

A bear wandered up my driveway, and ate a couple of my kids,

My wife, she got extremely hysterical, I just thought, "good rids",

They were both over 35,

Took my money, to stay alive,

I suppose, I will have to sell their stuff; I'll ask around for bids.

TRINA AND THE WHOPPER WOOLY

Trina got some brand new, pink shoes that fit her tiny, little feet,

Mom packed Trina a sack lunch, so she could stuff her small face and eat,

Trina had a bully,

Her name, Whopper Wooly,

Trina gave Wooly her lunch each day,  to avoid a whopper, beat.

MYSTIC MERKEL PREDICTS TRUE

Psychic Mystic Merkel tells the true

About the future of me and you,

Your mom and dad, 

They hate me bad,

If we breakup, it'll be a boohoo.😭😭

COUCH PANTS

Jimmy had pants made of real nice Naugahyde,

Only pair that exists, and I've never lied,

His mama was poor,

Couldn't shop at a store,

Made Jimmy's pants from a couch, sitting outside.

DADDY SELLS MEDICAL SUPPLIES III (NON ORGAN DONOR MARKET)

Daddy goes out on the street, very late at night,

Looking for used body parts, when supplies are tight,

When old organs fail,

Daddy finds some for sale,

Guaranteed to fit the wealthy client, just right.

MICKEY THE PICKY

Mickey The Picky, was a big, meany grouch,

He laid around and complained, from his stuffed couch,

That made mom and dad,

Fell terribly sad,

So they gave Mickey many coins for his coin pouch.

I'LL GO BACK TO SCHOOL WEARING SATIN

I went shopping, but, I got ever, so boardy, board,

Dollar store tea cozies, is all I can affordy, afford,

I saw a nice satin jacket,

But, my finances won't hack it,

Unless, I get a mommy loan, working out an accord.

I LOVED MY BIRDIE

I loved my birdie, more than I loved my mommy named Flo, 

Mommy left his cage door open, and out birdie did go,

He flew fast and away,

Where he went, I can't say,

I was so.mad at mommy, I told my daddy named Beau. 

BARKING OFF THE WRONG TREE

Poor Lucinda got real bad sick, and turned a white and chalky way,

She ate poison tree bark, and putrefied into the clay, 

Lucinda had no money,

To leave to her son Sonny,

So Sonny moved into a box, beneath a bridge down by the bay.

 

IF YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOLDFISH ALIVE

Mommy says I can't have a puppy, unless I can keep a goldfish alive,

So far that's not going well, no matter how hard I strive,

Most fish die by week two,

Some make it three, just a few,

I fear I may never have a puppy; I just turned 35.

Mommy says I can't start dating, unless I can keep a goldfish alive...

I FOUND MUM ON MOTHER'S DAY

I was an orphan; didn't know from whence I come,

On Mother's Day, I felt very glum,

So I traveled far,

To find a parental star,

I went clear to Egypt to find me a mum.

I DREAM OF QUEENIE

I dream of Queenie, my little pup when I was four,

She'd eat a plate of tortellini then, go poopy outside the door,

Queenie ate little as a small pup,

But, she got big and ate a big sup,

So, dad the meany said no more Queenie and gave away my labrador.

NO PAY NO STAY

Your rent you must always pay,
If you don‘t you‘ll be forced away,
Like my parents would always say,
“Remember son, no pay no stay.”

THE LOVES OF MISS TAM

My dear little lady Miss Tam,

Was the peanut butter that I thought went with my jam,

But, her first love was for another,

Namely, her overprotective mean mother,

Then, her next love was cabbage rolls full of ham.

MY FORTH OF JULY FIREWORKS

My fireworks went-off on the forth of July,

But, it was inside the car and made my mom cry,

No one was hurt,

But, mom was real curt,

And, lectured until us kids heaved a sigh.