MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT AND I

My gentle Tender Foot and I,

Loved to go up, up, up, and fly,

We flew a round balloon,

That rose like a full moon,

One day we crashed hard, but didn't die.

FRED GOES TO?

There was an old fella known by most as, Fred,

He was found face down in a stream, drowned and dead,

Fred hit his big head,

On a hard rock bed,

Fred's somewhere drinking moonshine, with cousin Ted.

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT

My wonderful, gentle, tender foot,

Worked long shifts on chimneys, clearing soot,

On the roof one day,

He slid fast away,

He now feeds a flower at the root.

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THE HAPPY EASTER BUNNIES

Bunnies were doing their business, right outside my screen door,

One thing that's true about bunnies, they are always making more,

The bunnies and me,

Let each other be,

Except the ones that are roadkill, become my main winter store.

JERRY AND THE CANDY CANE

There once was a story teller, named Jerry,

In his brain, many stories he would carry,

Jerry lost part of his brain,

From a falling candy cane,

That deep in  his skull, it did bury.  

WASHING MACHINE BLUES

My washing machine flooded the floor,

A soap river flowed out my backdoor,

The wet wood started to a cave,

Made the crawlspace its grave,

My landlord saw the mess, and did roar.

YOU CAN WADDLE FOR FREE

My bicycle got ran over by a big truck,

A good fix would cost me many a saw buck,

My bike's in the trash,

I saved lots of cash,

Now I just walk, more like waddle, like a duck.

THE HILL OF THE BIG, BAD BOULDER

The enormous, big, bad boulder, came rolling down the hill,

It took out my camper, it was a total camper kill,

I had not any place to stay,

Slept in my sleep bag on hard clay,

I was in both grief and pain, but had no aspirin pill.

KABOOM JACK IS BACK IN SPIRIT.

Jack was in a real dark room, and smelled foul gas, greatly leaking,

Jack decided to light up a match, to go gas leak seeking,

Jack lit up the room,

KABOOMADY BOOM! 

Now at a weekly seance, through mediums, Jack is speaking.

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THE CHOO CHOO CRUSHED MY PLANE

My little plane got hit by a chocho train, and my plane got all messed up,

I was not able to make it home tonight, and I did not get my sup,

I got a ticket and went to jail,

There I will stay; I cannot make bail,

I just hope I can fix my plane, so I can fly up, up, up, up.

JIMMY GOES POOF

Some long icicles fell off the barn roof,

They knocked poor Jimmy off of his tall hoof,

Jimmy needed a warm fire,

So he lit up a truck tire,

Jimmy was too close, and Jimmy went poof.

WOODSTOVE MELTED PLASTIC FAN, AND MY SHACK BURNED.

My fan got hot and caught on fire,

It was atop my woodstove, which caused the dire,

My melted, plastic fan,

Made great flames and I ran,

My shack was nearly all paid off, now I can't retire.

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BAD DAY AND BOWS

I tripped over my toes,

That started off my woes,

I hit my head,

I went to bed,

For breakfast, I had macaroni bows.

THE ICE SKATES OF DEATH

I got some new ice skates, and went out on the ice to skate,

I went out fifty feet, and fell through the ice on the lake,

Beneath the ice I couldn't swim,

Soon the lights were growing dim,

Then my clock alarm rang, and I was safe in bed, awake.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHRISTMAS MARCHING BAND

The marching band marched down the street Christmas Day,

Along came a polar blast that blew them away,

Cold became their noses,

Then they froze in their poses,

Most were found two towns over, one sunny spring day.

I DON'T LIKE BEING GREASY LIKE GRACE

The butter spray exploded into my face,

Now I'm all greasy, like my kid sister, Grace,

She greased her hair,

And, eats like a bear,

I wish she would move out, and get her own place.

WOE UNTO THE BEARS

There were three bears, not use to woeing,

They traveled in a tin boat, by rowing,

They came to some falls,

They made, "Help, Help", calls,

Alas, over those falls they were going.

TIMMY TESTED OUT OF DRIVERS ED

Timmy's mommy told Timmy that he had to do his best,

That's why Timmy used a cheating note, when he took a test,

But, when he tested for the road,

He did encounter one big toad,

His note had no answer, and Timmy chose a dirt nap rest.

A SMOKER FIXES GAS LEAKS: WHAT COULD GO WRONG

My banana nut bread has been abruptly paused,

My cooking stove went out, and it was gas leak caused,

The gas leak fixer fella,

Smoked cigs, his nails were yella,

He lit a cigarette, now he's bandaged and gaused.

FREDDY BROKE A LITTLE BONE

Poor Freddy broke his little bone, down in his little knee,

And he could not get it fixed, he couldn't pay the doctor's fee,

Freddy went to bed,

With a headache in his head,

For if his bone didn't get fixed, he'd become an amputee.