STROBING MAKES EYEBALLS REALLY SOAR

There was a tiny twinkle in the little star,

A twinkle, like the big headlamp on Ned's old car,

Some call it a strobe light,

A rave party delight,

Strobe driving hurts Ned's eyeballs, he can't drive far. 

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THREE PINES AND ONE BAT CAMPGROUND

I went camping at a campground called, Three Pines and One Bat,

I saw the three dead pines, but worried, where was the bat at,

Then, ouch what the darn, heck?

 The bat vented my neck,

Out poured my blood, the dead pines turned green, I died where I sat.

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MONEY, BUSINESS AND MEALS

My meals consist mostly of just seeds and found bones,

When I chew the bones I make funny crunching tones,

I dream to eat stake,

But, no money, I make,

Except, by selling artwork I make from pinecones.

MY KIDS DON'T SEE ME

I used to be a real solid ten,

My kids look at me and ask me, "when?",

I said, " o.k. fine",

"Maybe now, a nine,"

They offered to pop me with a pin.  

MISSED THE VLOG MOMENT

I sat fast down on a fat frog on a log,

The messy remains were lapped up by my dog,

After my pooch ate frog slop,

Pooch went hop, hop, hop, hop, hop,

Wish I'd videoed the action for a vlog.

THE GANGSTER AND THE BLUE SEA HORSEY

I got tied up with rope and thrown into the sea,

And, a 50 lb anchor was tied onto me,

While  to the bottom I went,

I reflected on life, spent,

Finished swimming with a blue sea horsey.  

12722

ME AND FRED AND THE ALIEN DRONE

I had a drone fly into my bedroom, and hover over my head,

It was definitely from outer space, just like the internets said,

It had many feet with toes,

It was scented like a rose,

Then it pulled out a ray gun, and united me with my dead dog, Fred.

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THE FOUR TUBING TOADS, MINUS THREE

Four toads went tubing across the waves,

Three of them found deep water graves,

Splash splash, oh, hark,

Sounds like a shark,

The fourth toad hid in some coral caves.

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THE RIP TIDE PIG

The rip tide is pulling this pig, out to the deep sea,

Where all the great killer sharks will be waiting for me,

They'll see my pink belly,

All full of pig jelly,

The sharks will be swarming for tender pork that is free.

TWO SKUNKS MADE A NEST UNDER MY DECK LIMERICK

Two skunks made a nest right under my deck,
They had little babies and they were cute as all heck,
Though the smells did appall,
The skunks went away in the fall,
They were cute but my sinuses are a wreck.

12820  

I WHACKED MY FISH, AND FRIED THEM UP LIKE MAMA DID

I use to fish with a cane pole, and whacked the fish in the head, real fast,

I scooped them up quick, into my net, because their concussion wouldn't last,

I whacked them again, in the head,

I made sure they were pretty dead,

The fillets, I fried in bacon grease; just like mama did in the past.

PIGS IN A PICKLE

Farley was a chicken farmer, who was allergic to chicken meat,

So he would have to eat chicken eggs, if chicken he was to eat,

One day Farley ate some pork,

And new flavors he did uncork,

So Farley switched to raising pigs, and dined on their pickled feet.

3823

THE FLAW

My psychologist says I have a personality flaw,

It seems, I put weirdo people on the pedestal of awe,

If they spout weirdo gas,

I'm up their underpass,

And, I will believe everything I've seen, see and/or saw.

CANNED FROM THE BAND

I was marching down the road in a band,

When the wind blew and I was covered with sand,

It plugged the hole in my trombone,

Which gave me a crazy tone,

Hence, the band director said, I was canned.

52322

GRANNY FIXED UP DOGS AND CATS

At granny's house I got real squirmy

Because granny practiced taxidermy,

She did mostly pet cats and dogs,

Most pets turned out hard as logs,

When the dermy didn't take the critters went wormy.

41821

BROTHER BRAT

My trumpet notes are really flat,

Since my brother beat it with a bat,

He beat my oboe on the floor,

And slammed my trombone in ma's truck door,

My big brother is a bully brat.

P08302023

TRINKET TROLLEY WALLY, AND THE BIRD IN ROME, NAMED POLLY

I sold trinkets off a beautiful, festooned, trinket trolley,

I shared the business with my slow motion, Cousin Wally,

I became really, really miffed,

Because Wally wouldn't work his shift,

I quit the trinket trade, and moved to Rome with my bird, Polly.

FISHING WITH A DINGY

I rowed my dingy out onto the bay,
I hoped to catch fish from dusk until day,
But, just after dark,
Along came a shark,
Now in the shark’s belly I lay.

I took out my dingy to fish for crappies,
But, I ran into turtles that I call snappies,
They snapped my dingy in two,
I was on their menu,
My demise gave the snappies the happies.

52322

BENNY, BUGS, BEARS AND SNUGS

Benny don't like the woods cause it's full of biting bugs,

And there's lots of hairy bears that squeeze him with bear hugs,

Benny likes to stay inside,

From bugs and bears, he then can hide,

Then with his blue blanket, Benny caresses it and snugs.

AFTER DOOMSCROLLING, I GIVE UP

I went doomscrolling on all the internets, and boy, did I find doom,

I tried to find some good news, but on the internets, there was no room,

Killer rocks, toward our planet, fly,

Ice cream cone prices are too high,

A big explosion builds within planet earth, and soon we'll all go, Boom!

PARADISE FOR SALE?

My needy trailer is starting to rapidly decompose,

The plumbing is shot so, I hooked the pump to a garden hose,

The roof leaks streams in the rain,

My caved in floors provide a drain,

I'd like to sell, but I'd owe the bank all the money, at close.

63021

MY DRIP COFFEE MAKER DRIPS NO MORE

My drip coffee maker drips no more,
It's a Holiday so I can't get to a store,
The world is looking fuzzy,
Without my coffee buzzy,
I think I will pass out and fall on the floor.

9423

 

IN THE KINGDOM OF THE KIND, EVERYONE STILL HATES ME

In the kingdom of the kind, everyone at my work, still hates me,

People dine with friends after work, I dine alone on popcorn and ghee,

In the kingdom, people exchange a smile,

Except me, they treat me like a cow pile,

I believe I should find work somewhere else, where normals exchange cruelty.