DR. DAN FEEDS BEASTIES

Dan's Doctoral Thesis wss widely read,

Dan proposed alcohol made little beasties go dead,

Old Dan was a taker, not a giver,

He took too much wine and wrecked his liver,

In the ground, Dan makes sure the little beasties are feed.

DAN MET THE WEIRD SISTERS

Dan met up with three sisters and they were all weird,
They had a shocking appearance when they all appeared,
They told Dan he'd be king,
If ten dollars he'd bring,
Dan is out his ten dollars, it's feared.

BAD FRANKIE, BAD

Frankie was incarcerated for driving way too fast,

He would not have been caught, except an ambulance he passed,

That made the police hype,

Then there was Frankie's water pipe,

And the pedestrian Frankie put in a full body cast.   

ZOMBIES

I always make sure I shoot the zombie in the head,

That's the only sure way you know that zombie be dead,

If you pass a zombie too near,

He's sure to bite you on the ear,

Then you be squirting out red.

FLOTILLA PONTOONED

It's name was Flotilla, and that was my boat,

It was pontooned with pop bottles that held air, and could float,

Then way out on the bay,

It sank to the fish bones and clay,

That was the very last thing I wrote.

I TOOK MY DINGY TO NORTHPORT

I took my dingy to Northport to fish for the day,
But,a big speed boat was right in the way,
I asked if I could pass,
As they poured Champaign in their glass,
They then swamped me as they sped away.

MY SPACECRAFT RAN INTO A STAR

My Spacecraft by L. Brandt

My spacecraft ran into a star,
Now, my spacecraft will not go,
And, I did not pay my insurance bill,
So, I cannot get a tow,

I'm now stranded way out in deep space,
My oxygen is running low,
No one answers calls to my place,
And, I can't reach my good friend Joe,

I'd like to order pizza,
But, there's limits on my doe,
Alone and hungry in deep space,
There are no limits on my woe. 

BAD DENTIST

I grabbed pliers to fix the tooth that hurt,

It broke and the gum gave a blood squirt,

So I got some health administration,

From an ER vacation,

Well, it's better than napping in dirt.

I SHOULD HAVE ON EARTH

It was a big mistake for me to move to mars,

The air is  no good, and all they have are solar cars,

Fresh veggies won't keep,

The rent is not cheap,

And most residents are from faraway stars.

THE FOUR ALARM FARM FIRE

In the general vicinity of the farm,

A fire broke out, four alarm,

The potatoes got baked,

The corn stalks were coal caked,

But, the livestock suffered no harm.

NOT TO SEE FAR OR NEAR AND DRIVE OFF THE PIER

Dennis the driver couldn't see far or near,
Dennis the driver drove his truck off the pier,
Dennis did find his way,
To the bottom of the bay,
Now, his bones sit at the wheel, where they steer.   

SINISTER SPIDERS ON MY WINDOWSILL

Some sinister spiders sit on my sill,
They think web-weaving is the ultimate thrill,
But, I'll give them some news,
Be careful what choose,
Or, be squished spider-spleen on the grill.  Yum, Yum!

I SAW A SMALL BIRD EATING A SALAD

I saw a small bird eating a salad,
But, his condiments didn't seem to be valid,
It was a wine mixed with beer,
Final results I did fear,
The little bird started tweeting a ballad.
 

PETUNIAS ON EARTH

I journeyed far beyond the planets of Sol,

To find some petunias to pot was my goal,

I found some pretty, bright red,

On a planet called, Fred,

But they like to grow tall on a pole.

CAN ONLY WAIT SO LONG, MOON

I was on a great sand dune,

Waiting for the rise of moon,

Waited there all afternoon,

Ate a cookie, macaroon,

Need a toilet, please rise soon.

WHAT FRANKIE DID WITH SNOT

Frankie thought he was a charm,

Then he snots upon his arm,

The girls all say,

"Frankie keep away,

Your snot might do us harm."

THE WILD PIG TOOK MY CANNED GOODS

A wild pig chased me through the woods,
He wanted to eat my veggie canned goods,
When he was a few feet away,
I gave in to him that day,
Wild pigs are nothing but hoods.