RAVENHOE

I had a pet Raven, and his name was Sir Tim,

He liked to play on the school playground, jungle gym,

He did, in myself, confide,

He was afraid of the slide,

And, the medieval teeter totter, tossed him.

NOCTURNAL BRAIN DRAIN

While asleep last night, out of my ears, leaked my brain,

My entire brain is now, just a bed sheet stain,

I am staying home, sick,

Hope my brain grows back, thick,

If my brain isn't thick enough, out it will drain.

I FOUND A STARSHIP TREASURE SHIP.

I went looking for a treasure ship, and that treasure ship I found,

It's at the bottom of Lake Michigan, buried in the ground,

It is full of old boxed Trekie toys,

For the collector, girls and boys,

Some toys, if a button is pushed, will make an iconic sound.

I WORK IN RETAIL, WHEN I'M NOT DOING FAMOUS STUFF

I use to have pop culture, but I do not know where the Nell, that went,

I use to sing, and dance, and act, and to many venues, I was sent,

Then, my agent called and said, "no more,

Your act is done, you are out the door",

I've been working at big box retailing, to pay my bar tab, and rent.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL NEED A BEAVER GUN

I went out canoeing this morning, and ran into a big, beaver damn,

The beaver saw me and started hissing, I saw him, and thought, Easter ham,

I did not have my beaver gun,

So I wrestled him, just for fun,

Now, I'm in his lair, feeding his babies, and missing my fiance, Pam.

TRAVEL WITH SOMEONE SMARTER, THAN YOURSELF

Recently, I traveled to Brazil, but my Portuguese, was flawed,

I searched all my brains, to use the right words, but I hemmed and I hawed,

Pa says it's because, I am dim,

Ma says it's because, I'm like him,

Luckily, my travel mate, has language abilities to laud.

AFTER FAILING MY FINALS, I'M SPINNING MY VINYLS

I love collecting, and listening to music vinyls,

But, this week I need to dedicate my time to finals,

This could be my week of despair,

I'm unattached; no one to care,

If my recordings comfort me, I'll have no anginals.

THE RECKONING: PORCH PIRATE SURPRISE

I laughed, as both my porch pirates, ran away,

With my package, they will not have a great day,

I thought it would be so cool,

To fill a box with dog stool,

Truly, good justice will be done, I do pray.

I ATE THE NEWTS AND RED LIZARD

I decided to be a wizard, and a wizard I would be,

I caught three newts and a red lizard, then steeped them in my mint tea,

I drank down the brew,

Ate its protein crew,

I felt my wizard powers inflating, filling my whole body.

MY QUEST FOR FOOD

I went down to the grocery store, to buy some affordable food,

Nothing in the store, so I tried  the dumpster, where the gulls had all pooed,

It was like a buffet,

But poo was in the way,

I just could not eat a poo thing, although I am one desperate dude.

THE STING AND THE CURSE: A CHIPMUNK STORY

The little chipmunk drank milk from his bowl, while eating a berry,

Then along came buzzing around, a mean, old bumblebee fairy, 

The BBF gave chipmunk a sting,

He put a spell on cute chipmunk, Zing!

The little chipmunk became allergic, to fructose and dairy.

HARD TIMES ON THE FRUIT FARM

My grapes have gone sour, and my berries have been defiled,

By some sort of a blue stink bug, that came out of the wild,

My fruit farm has gone funky,

I'm one unhappy monkey,

I have no sources of income, and my partner's with child.

EASY PEASY SLEAZY, THAT'S ME

I found a brand new, super type of AI,

It writes term papers, like a real human guy,

Some call my cheating, sleazy,

I just like easy peasy,

Roommate says, my scheme is akin to a lie.

WRITING ESSAYS FAST AND EASY

I have two long essays, to write, and turn in today,

If I don't  get them done, I'll fail, my professors say,

There is a new, greater power,

That can write an essay, per hour,

Maybe, the great, AI can write me, into an "A".

MY TRAILER HAS GONE FERAL

The inside of my refrigerator is covered with black mold,

My pots and pans grow algae, and daytime roaches are extra bold,

I don't know what to do, 

About all the mildew,

The house condition is bad; the county says if can't be sold.

MAPLE, HONEY AND BEES

They say my maple syrup tastes like honey,

Now everyone, eyeballs me, real funny,

The trees, are full of bees,

And, when every bee pees,

The syrup be honey flavored, and runny.

NEW EARS EVE

Early tomorrow, I am getting two brand new ears,

They are both completely made, out of Christmas bulb, spheres,

I must watch who I pass,

So they don't break the glass,

If my eardrums get stabbed, it will bring my eyes to tears.

ALLERGIC TO BEES, IS AUNT ELOISE

I looked in my fridge for mayo, for my tuna with peas,

All I could find was some honey, made by some, bumblebees,

It was a nice family dine,

Honey, tuna, peas, tasted fine,

The family liked the mixed flavors, except, Aunt Eloise.

I'M A SUGAR DADDY, WHO IS ABOUT TO GET CANNED

I am swimming in many millions of can empties, from pop that was caned,

I can't take back any of my empty cans, because the brands are store banned,

I need some quick, fast money,

To make happy, my honey,

If I'm honey dumped, I'll be the most unhappy boy, in all of can land.

SHARING MY CHICKEN SKINS

I fried up a big greasy pan, full of chicken skins,

My neighborhood loves them, all my dear kiths, and my kins,

I fried many more than before,

To avoid, a chicken skin war,

Might as well fry enough, that way everyone wins.

BLING KONG

I put on all my beautiful bling,

Went out to do karaoke, a sing,

Then something went, way wrong,

I ran into King Kong,

He striped me, of every gold thing.