UNHINGED TRUMPETER

Tory the 1st chair trumpeter, became quite unhinged,

Because on Johann S. Bach, all night she super binged,

Her lips were sore,

Her tongue was tore,

She started Toccata and Fugue, and her fingers cringed.

91224

THE BAD NEIGHBOR SWATTER

My neighbors are always swatting me, every time I come or go,

They call the police and say I'm a stranger, attacking so and so,

They want my land,

I understand,

But, to seize my property, I must have a cruel, wicked end, a woe.

FEED THE PIGS

I had to go feed my jittery pigs,

I feed them slop filled with butts from my cigs,

Those pigs will deep diggy,

For every ciggy,

I watch and smoke, and I chew on soft figs.

FEED THE COWS

I grow some corn to feed my cows, along with alfalfa hay,

I make sure to feed all of my cows, on each and every day,

Once all my cows are fully filled,

I drink a pop that's chilly chilled,

I relax and wait for slaughter trucks, to truck my cows away.

82524

LOVE AND KISSES FROM WRONG TURN MICHIGAN, WHILE I'M STILL ALIVE

I live in Wrong Turn, Michigan, and every day is bad,

Every day I regret moving here, where my life is just sad,

There are no thrown kisses, and lovey hugs,

Only rifle wounds, from the rural thugs,

None think on any happy thoughts, they all scowl, and be mad.

HARD RAIN AND BIG BERRY, JUICY MEATS

My old gravel road, got washed out by the water from the hard rain,

The good thing that came from the flood; my berries had a big juice gain,

My strawberries have nice meat,

They are juicy and real sweet,

Not sure how the neighbor's doing, with that confounded, sugar cane.

THREE SPANISH BROTHERS, THEIR BRIDES AND CANDY BEARS

There were 3 little boy babies, who came from Spain,

They grew up with two parents, in the State Of Maine,

The boys opened a flower shop,

They all got real rich, pop, pop, pop,

They each married ladies, who took gummies for pain.

PART SPOON, PART FORK: SPORK

I started eating all my meals with a thing called spork,

It's kind of like a spoon with one end like a small fork,

The spork don't stab very well,

The spork leaks soup, you can tell,

And, at the end of the day, it won't pull out a cork.

WORKING CLASS CLONES

There are millions of clones wandering our fine city streets,

They work in banks, and stores and restaurants making our eats,

Do the working clones really know?

They're just a piece of so and so,

Someone should tell them, they perform their lives as copied meats.

ADAM WAS A LITTLE, HUNGRY TROLL

Adam was a cute little troll, a cute little troll, like me,

Then our Adam grew to be six feet tall, by the age of three,

At four, Adam played college B-ball,

By then, he was nearly twelve feet tall,

But, Adam was still a troll, and kept eating the referee.

41025

THE DARK SIDE OF GUMMIES

I went to Rotterdam Michigan, where they make the tastiest gummies,

They soften the workload for the busy and ambitious, daddys and mommies,

Beware gummy creep,

It may lull you to sleep,

Some deep, eye, rem sleep is really good, too much deep, rem sleep is for dummies.

DOG, CAT AND TIRES

I had four massive, truck tires that I inflated, fat,

My happy dog was impressed, but not so, my pretty cat,

My dog took a pee,

On tires 1 through 3,

My cat laid under tire 4, and was almost squished flat.

I AM A BLOGGER THAT NO ONE READS

I am a little blogger, but I think that my blogging is done,

I published over a million blogs, and no one has read a one.

I know my blogs might give readers scares,

I just blog about big, bad, mean bears,

I would blog about cougar cats, but they ate my dog, wife and son.

KING OF MICHIGAN

The people of Michigan, crowned me their 67th king,

I am now their great monarch with a petoskey stone ring,

I eat pies full of tart cherries,

I eat cheese from local dairies,

I live in a travel trailer, and go dancing, wearing bling.

GUMMY BEARS: CANDY WITH A KICK

Sometimes I desire a yummy gummy bear, and sometimes I do not,

The reason I might desire a gummy bear, most times I have forgot,

When my brain is thick with aching despair,

I yank out a fruit flavored gummy bear,

I chew it up, swallow it down; life's a circus, and I'm a clown.

I CHOSE TATERS OVER MY BODY

I tried everything to build my weak body, but my body would not build,

That is when the they voted to yank my licence from the Body Builder Guild,

I played some blues upon my sax,

Worked in my garden to relax,

I forgot about body building, because my taters needed to be hilled.

THE TORNADO EXERCISE

 tornado, and it spun around and around

I jumped into the tornado, and it took me off the ground,

Into the clouds, I took a fly,

Saw my neighbor Randy, he said,"hi",
I dropped and splattered on a roof top, and lost fifty pound.

RURAL TOWN MICHIGAN FEEDS ON TOURIST, DOLLARS

I live in the state of Michigan, in a little town called, Wrong Turn,

No human person should ever come here, but people will never learn,

They think the town name is a laugh,

Until, the chainsaw cuts them in half,

Then, the family queries begin of a missing person, concern.

 

WHAT IN THE WORLDS DOES THIS ABSURD RHYME MEAN, NOTHING?

I did not know what the reality was, until I understood the maths,

My mind got all freaky deaky, while going down dirty, multi-verse paths,

At the end of each day,

I would kneel down and pray,

I prayed to the god of the multiverse, for little soaps for multi-baths.

BLOKES, SMOKES AND CREMATED PIE

I baked a homemade, fresh raspberry pie early, last night,

I forgot it was in the oven, and the flame burned bright,

I saw no smoke before the great, pie flame,

Still, I got the biggest share of the blame,

But, my son and his 4 blokes, were binge puffing smokes, alright?