MY DONKEY RAN OFF TO A WARMER CLIMATE

There was a terrible snow blizzard, and my donkey ran far away,

I lost him in the blowing snow, he's in South America, some say,

My donkey was my transport to the village store,

Without him, I can't get groceries, anymore,

My stomach, in one place it won't stay, since I've been eating donkey hay.

I WENT FISHING ON THE IDES OF MARCH

I rowed out upon the bay to fish, on the Ides of March,

I wanted some protein to fry, with my potato starch,

I was caught with some ale,

The police put me in jail,

I stayed there 60 years, and my back bent into an arch.

SQUEAKY SQUIRES' THRIFTY STORES

Squeaky Squires' put a chip in my brain,

So I could cashier at his store up in Maine,

We sell veggies by weights,

Expired goods with old dates,

I'll be your checkout if you use the fast lane.

13124

HENRY WAS MY DEMON FRIEND

Henry was a little demon; a little demon Henry was,

He always got his hair cut in a fun style, he called a "buzz",

Henry baked a nice pudding cake,

He took it to my cousin's wake,

I asked Henry why he  baked a cake, Henry replied, "just because".

THE SIMPLE WINNER

I won a set of new screwdrivers at the bingo hall,

I was so excited, when I got that last number call,

My porch has a loose board,

Now if a screw, I could afford?

I could stand on the board, and stand there real tall.

3724

VAMPIRE ON THE BEACH

The vampire was in his coffin, and it was sitting by the great sea,

The coffin was hidden by some bushes, and guarded by a bumblebee,

When darkness came about,

The vampire came out,

Midnight swimmers every night, met the vampire, and eternity.

OFFICE POLITICS AND AI TECH

My bestest friend at work, my coworker, Jerry lost his mathematics job,

The company replaced him with a newborn AI, energy drinking slob,

I don't know what to say,

Jerry lost all his pay,

I know I'm next to go, unless they fire my enemy, the boss, Bob.

BERNIE THE BEAVER, TOOTHED TREES FOR THE KING

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees,

Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and the breeze,

Bernie checked wind speed and direction,

Studied soil types, for perfection,

Bernie felled his trees spot on, tight, and the king beaver, Bernie did please.

42325

OLD SKEGGEY, THE SKEGEMOG LAKE MONSTER

The Skegemog Lake monster attacked my tin boat,
He bit it in half, so it would no longer float,
But, I got a real special wish,
Skeggey was hungry for just fish,
I swam home and this limerick I wrote.

21117

I'M A SODA POP SHAKER

My soda pop went into my mouth, and jet sprayed out through my nose,

Now, I have soda pop stains upon my brand new, dollar store clothes,

I feel such soda pop, disdain,

And, I've got fizzy in my brain,

I still love shaking up my soda pop, even if my pop blows.

FISH TONS AND NOT TO BE

How many, many tons of salty fish, are in the whole sea?

That was the question that really bothered, the brain cells in me,

I couldn't sleep at night,

My fingernails, I'd bite,

Then when I died,  the question was what is meant by not to be?

4524

PREPPER MOCKING

I have been prepping for a radioactive, end of the world,

Many stacked pallets of bottled water, and canned food, I have squirreled,

There will come very soon, a reckoning day,

Then, my parents will quit mocking me, I pray,

Perhaps, they'll think of me kindly, as their stomach contents are hurled.

YOUNG DRAGON GRIDDLES

There is a fairly young dragon, who lives down by the big lake,

He lives in a cave made of clam shells, from his picnic clam bake,

Since nice, warm summer weather did pass,

Young dragon hooked his stove up to gas,

And, fired up his griddle to fry a dragon sized pancake.

91824

MAMA'S SPECIAL HOMEMADE BOLOGNA

I bought 2 goats off the internets, because the goats, they were charming, 

Until, they got lose in my garden, and my garden, they were harming, 

I sent the goats away,

To my mama's to stay,

She turned them into goat bologna, which I found, very alarming.

THE SUN BURNED BRAIN

There was tremendous sunshine, slapping down upon my bare, fleshed skull,

It happened to my cousin Mitch, and he ended up thinking, dull,

Mitch, as the town, dullard thinker,

He became a happy drinker,

Then he'd pass out on the docks, and got pooped on by every gull.

SCHOOL BUDGET CUTS AND THE BAND

They wore loose burgandy shorts and tight, faded, khaki t-shirts,

They were the bare footed marching band, and their feets felt the hurts,

They marched down the street,

With red cuts on their feet,

Afterward, they all went to an eatery, called PIZZA BERT'S

THE BEAR IN THE BARN WAS WAITING FOR ME

I went out to the barn and what surprise did I find,

A bear waiting out there, like a hunter in a blind,

He waited there just for me, 

He poured two cups of coffee,

We chatted and had a chance to unwind.

81523

THE FAT WORMS

Danny went to the special foot doctor to check out his feet,

His feet were getting real skinny, although he'd often overeat,

Seems Danny had worms that ate fat,

Would be great, but where they're at,

Doc moved the worms to Danny's belly hoping for a repeat.

4424

SLOWLY, THE REPTILES WIN

I have noticed that local snakes, and our creepy lizards are bigger in size,

Their growth awakens an ancient prejudice; a wish for reptilian demise,

My feelings are condemned as a sin,

But, I fear the reptiles may win,

If they start by eating my pets, then my family, that would be no surprise.

SHE OVERCAME A LACK OF TEETH

My girlfriend for the last six or seven fun years, only has one tooth,

But she has a nice model's smile, six by seven Inches my gal, Ruth,

Her one tooth smile, shocks,

Online critics, I blocks,

Ruth has an important job,  in public at a horror, movie ticket booth.