MOOSE THE GOOSE MADE CLYDE HIDE

I had a hound dog, my pa named him Clyde,

Clyde took off running from the farm, to hide,

Clyde tangled with Moose,

Our goose that got loose,

Moose bit Clyde on his back, bottom and side.

SANTA HAS LABOR ISSUES

Santa isn't using reindeer to pull his sleigh, this year,

Instead, he's hired unicorns, they're cheap, they'll work for beer,

The reindeer have gone on strike,

Want more breaks, and a pay hike,

The elves won't cross the picket lines, and Christmas Eve is near.

THEY CAME FOR CHRISTMAS AND WILL STAY ALL WINTER.

The only gift I got Christmas day, was a pine tree full of bugs,

When I brought my tree inside, the bugs thawed and fell onto my rugs,

Oh, Christmas green tree

How hateful of ye,

I'll be scratching all winter long, because of bug bites, digs and dugs.

SOLSTICE

I only get it once a year,

The winter solstice, lets be clear,

It's a cold night,

Warm clothes are tight,

Then at midnight, we raise a beer.

GRAY STUFFY MAKES A MAN

He-man Herman's nose was fat, red and full of gray stuffy,

Around his little eyeballs, it was dank, dark and puffy,

When Herman blew his nose,

Stuffy covered his clothes,

Herman wouldn't change, because he felt tough, manly and roughy.

THE CRYPTO BILLIONAIRE

I invested $15.00 in crypto this morning, by noon,  I was a millionaire,

Mama told me I was crazy, and of crypto money, I had better beware,

By next week my one million,

Will turn into a billion,

Then I'll move out of mama's basement into a mansion, I'm just not sure quite where.

THE FOREST PRIMEVAL MONSTER

I went to the snow filled forest, Primeval, today,

To cut down some trees, to heat my cabin until May,

Used a sleigh, pulled by dogs,

To bring back all my logs,

A forest monster, followed me back to where I stay.

I MET HER IN MANCELONA: COUGAR EYES AND BAD BREATH

I went to Mancelona just to see where it is at,

The only thing I found there was a female, cougar cat,

The cougar decided to eat,

I had blubber, but not much meat,

I think amongst cougar cats, eating tourists is so, brat.

BURNT BY DRONES

My small, quiet home was attacked by aerial drones today,

I believe the drone soldiers came from somewhere far, far away,

So many drones did fly,

They darkened the day, sky,

They made me a smoking, charred carcass, by using a death ray.

CHRISTMAS WINTER SNOWBALL CHILI

My special Christmas Winter Chili, did not turn out so well,

I subed snowballs for meatballs, but where the balls went, I can't tell,

There was no grease at all, but lots of cold water,

The chili was diluted, and made less hotter,

I won't market my Chili, because I'm sure it will not sell.

THE DAM THAT BURST

When the lake dam burst, my log cabin took a rigorous swim,

Along with my sports card collection, and my pet spider, Jim,

The log cabin fell apart,

Nothing left for a restart,

No sports cards were recovered, and neither was my spider, Jim.

CRITTER STEW FOR TWO

I found some dry hickory, so I lit it to make a winter stew,

I threw in the stew a snow bunny, a dead frog and something that flew,

The stew bubbled, and the fire hissed,

Soon, the critter stew, my fat lips kissed,

After dinner I took a nap, while my dog Dexter dropped his poo.

Martian Drones Are Here Shopping For Christmas🎄🎁

There was a mystery drone that landed on my trailer house,

The drone crushed in the roof a bit, and caused an "eek!", from a mouse,

I snuck outside for a peek,

The drone was taking a leak,

The drone said it was shopping for a Christmas gift, a blouse.

BEN, EMPATHY AND SPACE INVADERS CAME

Ben climbed up to the top of a mountain, to look down on the city,

Ben was excited to watch off-world drones, attack without pity,

Where those drones attacked,

Skyscrapers got whacked,

A fireworks factory got hit, and that explosion was pretty.

ME AND FRED AND THE ALIEN DRONE

I had a drone fly into my bedroom, and hover over my head,

It was definitely from outer space, just like the internets said,

It had many feet with toes,

It was scented like a rose,

Then it pulled out a ray gun, and united me with my dead dog, Fred.

HOLIDAY ANXIETY, SENT ME TO THE NOOK.

I made out all my Christmas cards, but I could not find my address book,

I thought of where it could be, but it wasn't there when I took a look,

My anxiety got so severe,

I smashed a little, plastic reindeer,

Then I went down to the old pub, and sat all by myself in the nook.  

MY MUSIC GOES TO THE MOON

My lunar lander fell to the moon, and had a big, total crash,

I didn't pay attention, I was ear mellowing, to Johnny Cash,

On an alien world of woe,

My bones were broke and crushed, head to toe,

Of earth, I wondered, who would claim my Country Western music stash.

I GET EVEN WITH GUPPIES

I was raising expensive little corals in my guppy, fishy tank, 

I wanted to sell corals for money, and put the money in the bank,   

But, those crazy, guppy fish,

Ate my corals, for nutrish,  

I put in the guppy tank a piranha, and his name is Hungry Hank.

GUPPY JERKY

My fish tank was so full of guppies, they flopped onto the floor,

They'd dry and my kitty would eat them, then looked around for more,

The guppies dried; became jerky,

A chewy husk that was quirky,

I started selling jerked guppies, on all of my online stores.

NO PEAS, WATER AND BARLEY FOR FARLEY

My newest, best friend, Giggles Farley, 

Many claimed, he liked to make parlay,

But, he wouldn't speak,

Wouldn't open his beak,

He missed getting pea soup with barley.