JIMMY'S WINTER COOKOUT

Jimmy's winter cookout big time failed,

When his frightened guests hastily bailed,

You see, Jimmy lit a tire,

For his cookout fire,

And, across the yard the fire sailed.

FISHING ON ICE ISLAND

I went ice fishing one sunny spring day,
I walked out on the ice on the bay,
But, when I turned around,
I was deep water bound,
My ice island and I floated away.

I TRIPPED MY ROBOT NAMED SAM

My new robot's name is Sam,
He made me a breakfast with raw eggs and fried ham,
But, the silverware wasn't clean,
And, I became rather mean,
When, I tripped Sam and he fell over, bam!

RABIES, RED ROIDS AND LIP BOILS

I set up a shop that sold only snake oils,

I claimed they cured rabies, red roids and, lip boils,

But, the authorities, they care,

Said, "there's no real science there,"

So, in the state prison laundry I toils.

LITTLE NORM ROGGAN RODE HIS TOBOGGAN

Little Norm Roggan,
Rode his toboggan,
Down the hill,
With limited skill,
And, hit poor Mr. Quill on the noggin.

DONNY BUILT A SNOW FORT TO KEEP AWAY THE FEDS

Donny built a snow fort on his golf course,

Where'd he get funds, some say Russia was the source,

Donny was fearing all the Feds,

And, years in prison beds,

Donny wasted his voice lying so, by his trial he was horse.

THE WEATHERING CHICKENS

The chickens will weather any storm,

They do so because that is their norm,

The hens stay together,

Holding on feather to feather,

While rosters are in another dorm.

TWO WOLVERINES WALKED INTO A BAR

Two wolverines walked into a hunter's bar,

They were looking for meat to vacuum pack in a jar,

Although, the hunters were many,

The wolverines didn't take any,

Saying the hunters smelled like old socks and cigar.

FLIPPER THE PIG

THE CULTURAL PIG

Flipper the pig was an odd sort of swine,

He never drank spirits except for French wine,

He listened to Bach,

And easy-listening rock,

While, he complained of pig culture decline.

 

LITTLE DONNY CURED HIS BACK-TO-SCHOOL JITTERS LIMERICK

Little Donny had the back-to-school jitters,
So, he packed up his bugs, snakes and mice critters,
At school Donny felt quite at home,
Then, his critters started to roam,
Soon, his class became on-top-of-desk sitters. 

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UNREQUITED LOVE RESOLVED

Unrequited love is a real positive,

You'll find you're unloved and you still have to live,

But, there will come a day,

When, someone can't turn away,

For a pet goldfish has much love to give.

MY GARDEN IN THE MAIL

I got some seed that came in the mail, 

Now, I can grow me some peppers and kale,

I'll grow onions and toes,

Pickles and poes,

All with fert that comes from the tail.

MY BEST DATE LIMERICK

I like going to restaurants and dining alone,
That sets up the evening for a positive tone,
I spend half the money,
I think my jokes are all funny,
And don't waste time the next day on the phone.