THE HILL OF THE BIG, BAD BOULDER

The enormous, big, bad boulder, came rolling down the hill,

It took out my camper, it was a total camper kill,

I had not any place to stay,

Slept in my sleep bag on hard clay,

I was in both grief and pain, but had no aspirin pill.

TOO SOON FOR ITCHY SKIN

I got bit by three gigantic skeeters today,

It's March; skeeters shouldn't be out until late in May,

Now, I am all itchy,

My tude has been witchy,

I need itch ointment, or I'll scratch my skin away.

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WHAT A BOTHER ARE BOTS

My only friends on the internet and, this really rots,😖

Is an amalgamation of spyware iconed as "bots," 🤖🤖🤖

They pretend to be friend,💐

Turn me in at the end,🚳🚭🚯🛃

You can't trust them:  those little snots.💻📡

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CLANCY LEARNED WINE MAKING IN PRISON

Clancy made some of his famous prison toilet wine,

He forgot to flush the toilet; it was not fine,

The wine had little floaters,

Mostly, they were brown coaters,

So I didn't drink so much, when at Clancy's I did dine.

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SHERRY POOFY HAIR

Sherry Little Toes, liked to read her small classy, fancy books,

Sherry had real little fingers, and a little pan that cooks,

Sherry loved to fry dead fish,

With a potato side dish,

Sherry had a boyfriend, because poofy hair gave her good looks.

ON THE FIRST DAY OF MARCH

It is the 1st day of March, and my driveway is really sloppy,

When my pickup rolls over it, my pickup goes bippy boppy

I said to the kids I was trying,

While in the back seat they are flying,

Then in the mud we start sinking, and there goes down my jalopy. 

THE PATHS ON MY CARPET

The paths on my carpet grow deep and grow large,
It's like someone leads daily a cavalry charge,
And, whatever is led,
Smells at least six months dead,
Now I'm being evicted by my landlady, Marge.

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JAWS OF THE FERRELL GOLDFISH

I use to buy goldfish, and set them free in the bay,

All was just completely fine, until one sunny day,

I was fishing for big perch,

Behind the boat there did lurch, 

A ninety foot goldfish, it ate me and swam away.

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FIGARO ON A STRING

I had a stuffed Teddy bear with a very long string,

And, when I'd pull it the full Figaro Opera he'd sing,

But, he wasn't all that,

For, he sang a bit flat,

So, I traded him for a fake diamond ring.

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THE BIG PEEPER BUGS

I woke up from the world of nighttime sleepers,

Just to see several dozen tiny creepers,

They were a green bug,

That crawled out of my rug,

They looked up at my face, with cute, big, black peepers.

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BRAIN PUDDING

I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.

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UNHEALTHY LIVING LIMERICK

Mark ate pigs-feet for his dinner meal,
They were greasy which was the appeal,
Eating lean, like turkey,
Is not that tasty,
Like pigs-feet and corn-fed fat veal.

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SHOPPING IN A SNOW STORM POEM

I went downtown to do some shopping,
While all around the snow was plopping,
The night was dark and wind was cold,
I was the only being both brave and bold,

Unfortunately, a dilemma was posed,
Every store I went to due to weather was closed,
At every shop I yanked at the door,
It would not open; no one in the store,

I finally decided to drive my car home,
But, the snow was so thick I got stuck in white foam,
I then walked but got flustered when I couldn't find my street,
I then gave-up and sat down feeling drowned in defeat,

As I bathed in self pity along came the snow plow,
It lifted me up in the air as I said “holy cow,”
It was strange that it took me to my residence,
It deposited me gently behind my picket fence,

I waved bye to the snowplow fading into the night,
My horrendous adventure put things in new light,
So, if shopping you go when the snow's badly blowing,
Drive very careful and buy insurance for towing.

LEAP YEAR INSANITY

We are having another Leap Year, and it's driving me insane,

All these Leap Year stress emotions, are doing flip flops with my brain,

Do I set my clocks ahead?

Should I set them back instead?

While driving down the road, should I be in the right or the left lane?

MY SPACE TRAVEL ADVENTURE

I was in my spacecraft, traveling at the speed of light,

I should have installed some headlamps, so I could see at night,

I ran into a saber-toothed space-bear,

Cracked open my ship, and leaked out my air,

Space bear will eat me, and I do not think it is alright.

THE CHOO CHOO CRUSHED MY PLANE

My little plane got hit by a chocho train, and my plane got all messed up,

I was not able to make it home tonight, and I did not get my sup,

I got a ticket and went to jail,

There I will stay; I cannot make bail,

I just hope I can fix my plane, so I can fly up, up, up, up.

SMELL INTERPRETATION

I love to dumpster dive, because I like the smells,

Things that are really smelly, have their special tells,

The things that smell awfully sour,

Belonged to people of power,

And farmy smells, belonged to farmers in the dells. 

ATTACK OF THE WOLVERINE

The vicious wolverine bit off my middle toe,

I doubt I can get another mid-toe to grow,

He ripped out my lungs and face,

Fast, like he was in a race,

He ran off with my spleen, dragging it through the snow,

THE BEAST OF SUMER VALLEY

The beast that lives in Sumer Valley,

Eats the peasants, quite a tally,

He will jelly them for toast,

Or for dinner, a lamb roast,

With pitchforks and torches, the peasants will rally.

I DON'T GROW PLANTS TO FREEZE

I am hoping spring will get here real soon,

I've started seeds growing, to plant in June,

If it's too cold,

My plants, I'm told,

Will freeze to death, with the rising new moon.

SIS THE WEASEL LIMERICK

There once was a mean weasel named Sis,
If you came near, she would start to hiss,
When Sis was a wee babe,
She was bit by brother Gabe,
Sis was a weasel that no one dared kiss.

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SOUP ON MY CINNAMON ROLL, YUCKY

Eating soup was my goal,

Bought a plastic bowel,

Did not see it had a hole,

On my food it took a toll,

Got wet my cinnamon roll.

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THE VAMPIRE PLOTS REVENGE

They chopped off my head, and put me in a deep, cold grave,

They piled on some heavy rocks, so I wouldn't misbehave,

I crawled out of my dead bed,

Crowned my shoulders with my head,

Then I hunted villagers, and fresh made blood they gave.

FRED THE DRAGON, PICKY EATS

I knew this fire breathing dragon, named Fred,

He wouldn't eat anything, unless it was dead,

In his belly, Fred did carry,

A big, vast pet cemetery,

Fred kept dead insects snacks, underneath his bed.

MICRO MOONS AND LITTLE DIPPPERS

I saw a micro moon in the cloudy nighttime sky,

It was so darn cloudy, the moon almost missed my eye,

I'm not into little moons,

Little dippers or baby spoons,

Because all things are small tonight, I will bid you bye.

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SIR DIRK THE NOBLE KNIGHT

Sir Dirk was a very noble knight,
Fire breathing Dragons he would fight,
He once shipped off to France,
With a long metal lance,
And the dragons all ran out of sight.

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