THE 200 VLOGGERS

200 vloggers went to the video store,

They bought video cameras, that kind of stuff and more,

Then, they all went to dine,

And, drank fancy, fruity wine,

Next, the 200 vloggers, for viewers, went to war.

SUNTAN WITH A CRAYON

No matter what poor Karen couldn't tan,
So, she tried drawing one on with a crayon,
She couldn't get the right hue,
So, she just crayoned herself blue,
Now, she matches the color of her minivan.

THE WHERE DO TUNA FISH COME FROM LIMERICK

There was a small sunfish named Ray,
He lived way out in the great bay,
He fell in love with a blue whale,
Named Darlene Abigail,
And that's where tuna fish come from, they say.

MY CANTANKEROUS BAT

I have a cantankerous bat,
He thinks he's special but, he just ain't all that,
He gave me a chronic case of scabies,
With an acute case of rabies,
And, he pees on my good stocking hat.

JAMIE IS A BAD RED SQUIRREL

Jamie was a red squirrel, who had a mind of cut-throat reason,

Jamie's mind decided that with the fox he'd commit some treason,

So for a nut total of just eight,

Jamie opened the squirrel gate,

The fox got enough squirrel meat to last him the winter season.

BOB'S POOR CAREER CHOICE

Bob works as a cardboard box bailer,

They bail the boxes from parks called trailer,

Bob bores, bailing box after box,

Worse than caffeine detox,

Wished he'd had the frank to become a mercantile sailor.

DULLES SMARTS ALONE

Dulles had an IQ over 180,

He could never find a best matey,

Humans would kiss and squirm,

Like a non-tactical worm,

Like the ones Dulles used for fish-baitey.

U ARE WHAT U EAT

I eat so many chippers and kippers,

I'm growing roots and a nice set of flippers,

Chips and kips is all I eat,

Never touch red/white meat,

Or beans that give folks smelly rippers.  

WHEN THE OCEANS BOILED AWAY LIMERICK

The oceans all boiled away,

Where they went no one can say,

A world that's hotter, 

Without any water,

Is a place I'm not going to stay.

BARRY WAS SO SKINNY THAT HE LOVED THE EXTREME HEAT

Barry was really young and very skinny,

So to him, the extreme heat was a winny,

His parents would whine,

But, Barry felt extra fine,

Until, while swimming a shark bit off his finny.

THE BALLAD OF RICHIE AVOID

With Richie, I am quite annoyed,

For where I locate, he will avoid,

He has someone brand new,

So I'm sad, boohoo blue,

When crossing paths, he treats me like a roid.

ADULT BEANS, OR SUBMARINES

I was growing some big people's beans,

They grow four inches long, off their greens,

They are hard as oak wood,

If you can chew them, they're good,

If you can't, use them for toy submarines.

BOB PLAYED WITH SKUNKS, A CAUTIONARY TALE

Bob went to Newberry to see his cousin's skunk babies,

They were cute little stinkers, but they gave Bob the scabies,

Mange in his underwear,

And, a cute skunk called Pierre,

Bit Bob on the bum;  Bob needed shots for the rabies. 

LEON MADE A BAD CHOICE FOR HIS SNACK

Leon the toad was hanging out with his guys,

They were eating crawling bugs and small flying flies,

Leon sucked down a bee,

The bee attacked internally,

Leon needed surgery after his bee popper surprise.

ICHY, STICKY, YICKY FLOOR

I decided to sweep the floor,

It had never been done before,

But, the floor was so sticky,

My broom got all ichy,

So, I ruged the place from door to door.  

TOAD GOES DIVING, AFTER THE NIGHTCLUB

The bouncer wouldn't let the toad into the club,

The all dressed up toad, felt deep hurt from the snub,

Toad got into his car,

Drove down to the dive bar,

Toad was treated with care, even got a foot rub.

THE INFESTED

My refrigerator is infested with the bug called, the flea,

When I open the refridge door, they jump out all over me,

Now I itch and scratch, scratch,

Still, more fleas on me hatch, hatch,

And, I'm coughing up some worms; won't Mother Nature leave me be.

WHY ZOMBIES CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

Zombies complain that they don't have nice stuff

Of course, Zombies tend to live in the ruff,

They have no schooling,

Always leaking and drooling,

They stagger and crash, acting real tough.

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH A WEREWOLF, IT'S COMPLICATED

Werewolves ain't known to be any fun,

They just eat you, and poop you,  they're done,

They're not a true love, and a friend,

They will consume you, in the end,

Then, off to another love, they run.

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I HAPPIED UP MY HONEY WHEN I SOLD MY ART OF AWE

I made a tapestry of flowers laying on some straw,

Everyone who saw it, had a gaping jaw of awe, 

I sold the tapestry for money,

I shared the proceeds with my honey,

My honey bought a big pet bird that went, "caw caw, caw, caw, caw".

TP AND HARD TIMES

I confiscated the contraband I found in my yard,

It was 2 years worth of wet toilet paper I didn't discard,

I dried it out with gas heat,

And, I saved every sheet,

I try to find any savings, times are hard.

TOOKEY TELLS ALL

There once was a mouse named Tookey,

She stole while no one would lookey,

She once stole a hair dryer,

And, an outdoor turkey fryer,

She retired to write a mouse self-help bookey.

BOBBY UNINVITRD

The bears threw a New Year's party, but Bob was not invited,

Last time he got stinking drunk, and the toilet, he blighted,

After those puke filled nights,

Donny got no invites,

A bar in Big Rapids is where Bobby was last sighted.

ZOMBIES LIKE A NICE DINNER

I went to a restaurant to eat bacon and eggs,

They said the only protein they served, walked on two legs,

It was a zombie cuisine,

Special was brains wrapped with spleen,

And a shot of blood vodka was served free to the regs.

THE TWO WORD LANGUAGE

I don't speak good German, and my French is even worse,

When I try speaking Latin, I get called disgusting and perverse,  

But the language I speak good,

Is my local neighborhood,

There we speak just two words, that are a universal curse.  

NUBINS FROM SPACE

There are little cuties called "Nubins", who fell out of the sky,

Interplanetary invaders, who make you laugh till you die,

They're always passing gas, from low places,

Brimming big, smiley faces,

Then suddenly, you feel really high.

ELI CONDUCTS THE BAND LIMERICK

Eli tried to conduct the band,
He couldn’t read music and soon got canned,
So he took a music course,
Learned the power of the force,
During his ovations, the audience will stand.

DOCTOR

My doctor said, doctors once cured people by making them bleed,

I replied that modern doctors make people bleed, because of greed,

My doctor didn't look happy,

And he gave me a face slappy,

Then he billed me for the slap; said that therapy, I need.

THE RED POP SNORE

My legs are real sore,

Circulation is poor,

I drink just red pop,

For health reasons should stop,

Because at night the red pop makes me snore.

SHARE BUNS WITH YOUR FRIENDS, OR YOU WON'T HAVE ANY

He set his bun upon his left knee,

Upon his right, he set his tea,

From his left jacket pocket, he pulled some ham,

From his right pocket, he pulled a spoon, jar and jam,

He made a jam, ham, bun sandwich, he didn't share with me,

Last time I invite that guy over for tea.

I FOUND A BLUE PLANET IN GALAXY NINE

I found a blue planet in Galaxy Nine,
But, my landing on it, I had to decline,
The planet was surrounded by roids,
With few in-between voids,
And my navigation was influenced by wine.