A SQUAT GUIDE FOR THE UNEMPLOYED

The economy is as repulsive as gray, boogered snot,15

With no money for rent, I find vacant homes, for a quick squat,14

Sometimes, there is a find of some food,

For humans, cats or dogs, I'm not rude,

Sometimes I find a real classy place, like one with a Roombot.

DEALING WITH MY FINANCIAL CRASH

All financial schemes are doing a crumble,

While all of my stocks, tumble, tumble, tumble,

I'm vacating, the here,

Gonna drink some root beer,

And, hide, covered in my bed, feeling humble.

I WAS FIRED, AND MY WIFE LEFT WITH MY STUFF

I use to have a job that pays, but I don't have one anymore,

I use to work half a day, cleaning both the toilets at a store,

I am disappointed, I feel sad,

It was the best job I ever had,

Then my wife singled me, took the furniture, but left me the floor.

INVESTOR WORRY AND DREAD

I invested heavily in hot stocks,

I also bought some gold and silver rocks,

I fretted my brain away,

Until the end of the day,

Always looking at the movement of clocks.

BAD ECONOMY, CHEAP RENT AND THE NUTTER

The economy is in the sewer, not the gutter,

I sold all my golf clubs, including my office putter,

To have rent that's nearly free,

I moved in with Uncle Lee,

He is crazy; the exact definition of "nutter".

A MEME COIN ROMANCE

If I had some meme coins, I'd spend them on beautiful you,

On your big round red nose, and your eyes, so watery-blue.

I'd buy you a pancake,

With syrup and ham bake,

I'd buy you a hot coco, that had marshmallows for two.

THE SILVER PENNY FED MY FACE

I found a silver penny, lying out on an old, blacktop street,

It was dated 1943, when a penny bought you meat,

Inflation has taken a big toll,

My purchase power is in the hole,

A collector bought my penny, for tatter chips that I did eat.

GRANDPA WAS A VICTIM OF CRYPTO-CURRENCY

I bought crypto-currency, and I got a surprise,

I had laser beams, flying out of my beady eyes,

I eye laser some nice pork,

Drank red wine that had a cork,

Then I looked at my grandpa, and that was his demise.

THE CHAIR AND TABLE LIMERICK

By my dining table, I have a chair for my seat,

On top of the dining table, I nothing to eat,

Where I bought my table and chair,

I spent all of my money there,

I do have a soda pop, so at least I'll have a treat

JIMMY 35 TOES

Jimmy had a grand total of 35 toes,

A local celebrity, who everyone knows,

Each year he gets a parade,

And all his toes are displayed,

He brings in the tourists, and his little town grows.

BANKING, FRANKING, THE MARKETS AND ME

I lost my money in shadow banking,
While the markets rose my account was tanking,
Of course when the markets eroded,
My account  then imploded,
Now, I invest in collectible franking.

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FOUR, MY VALENTINE

I now have a gorgeous Valentine, named four,

I had of course three past one's, I once did adore,

I save money, using my brains,

And repurpose old candy canes,

I box them up, like nice new candy from a store.

CANDY ANDY AND RANDY THE GOAT

I went home to my little shack that was all made of candy,

I had to repair it all the time, because of my billy goat, named Randy,

Randy eats me out of house and home,

Soon with the forest animals, I will roam,

I have no more money to spend at the candy store, owned by Andy.

BAND KIDS ARE SNEAKY

I just ate some spoiled, real stringy string beans,

I bought them from band kids, who were in their mid-teens,

They need money for camp,

So they conned this old tramp,

I gave them dollars, so there went all of my greens.

I GOT MY PHONE AND MY FREEDOM, NOW ALL I NEED IS LOVE

It was the first day of October month, and my true love says to me,

"Go out and get a job today, or I am smashing your color tv,"

I did not like the mean tone,

Since, the tv is my phone,

So, now I live roofless on the streets,  but from my boyfriend, I am free.

FISHING FOR GILDA

I had one worm in the bucket, but needed to catch two fish,

I broke the worm in half, and with each half made a different wish,

I caught a sunfish, I caught a big perch,

I had fish for my cats, Gilda and Lerch,

But, what I had wished for, was a raise, and a satellite dish.

FINGER LICKING GOOD, FROM THE HEN HOUSE

I went to Newberry Town to buy some canned chicken,

They didn't have any there, for the price I was pickin',

I went out to my hen house,

All I found was a dead mouse,

Still, fried up in bacon grease, made that mouse finger lickin'.

THE 200 VLOGGERS

200 vloggers went to the video store,

They bought video cameras, that kind of stuff and more,

Then, they all went to dine,

And, drank fancy, fruity wine,

Next, the 200 vloggers, for viewers, went to war.

BULLIES, EYEBALLS AND GOLD

I put an earring in my left ear,

It was gold, and financially dear,

But along came this Frankie,

He gave my earring a yankey,

The pain made my right eyeball tear.

FELT BAD, FELT BETTER, FELT WORSE

My rent had fallen into arrears,

My landlord chastised me into tears,

I drank a cold pop,

And played some hip-hop,

Then got evicted, and thrown out on my ears.